INICIAR SESIÓNMICHAELA
At twenty-three weeks my body stops being a thing I recognize.I want to be precise about this because I have been lied to about it by every soft-focus photograph I have ever seen. Nobody tells you the specific truth, which is that it does not happen gradually enough to keep up with. You go to sleep in one body and wake in a slightly different one and the adjustment period is roughly nine hours long and then it happens again.My center of graMICHAELAThirty-two weeks.Wednesday. Marcus arrives at seven with a bag of the lemons I mentioned once, and Kane arrives ten minutes later because I asked him and because Wednesday has apparently expanded to hold whoever turns up.The four of us eat at the kitchen counter, which requires an extra stool from the dining room that nobody has taken back for three weeks.It is loud.That is the thing I keep noticing. This apartment used to have the acoustics of a museum.. every sound arriving clean and separate into all that marble, nothing overlapping. Tonight there are four people talking over each other about a documentary two of them have seen and one of them has strong feelings about, and my father is laughing at something Kane has said, and Richie is losing an argument about the documentary that he does not appear to mind losing.I sit at the end with a hand on my stomach and I do not say much.I am tired in the good way. Thirty-two weeks is a full-time job with no breaks and I am a
MICHAELAWednesday dinners started without anyone deciding they would.My father came over on a Wednesday in April to drop off a chair he had found for the nursery, and stayed for food because it was there, and then came the following Wednesday because I texted him about something unrelated at four in the afternoon and he read it as an invitation. By the third one it was a fixture. Nobody has ever said the words every Wednesday out loud. It would break it.Tonight he arrives at seven with a folder.An actual folder. Cardboard, with a rubber band around it."What is that.""Venues," he says.We spread it across the kitchen counter.He has been to four of them. In person. Alone. He has taken photographs on a phone he does not really know how to use and printed them at actual size, and written notes on the back of each one in handwriting that slants exactly the way mine does.Two of them are wrong in ways he already knows about and has annotated. Too big. Too formal. One is a hotel with
RICHIEShe sleeps on her left side now.Not by preference.. by instruction, and by the specific arithmetic of a body at thirty weeks that has begun making decisions without consulting anybody. Left side, a pillow under the bump, a second one between her knees, one arm folded up under her cheek.It takes her about four minutes to arrange herself and she is deeply irritated by every second of it.I have been awake for an hour.There was a period when I would not have allowed myself to do this.Not out of restraint. Out of accuracy.. because I knew exactly what watching her was, when I was doing it through a screen in a study at two in the morning, and I was not going to lie to myself about it while I did it.I watched her on a security feed for four months. I have never pretended that was anything other than what it was.This is different and the difference is not subtle.She is eighteen inches away. The room is hers as much as mine.. her book, her glass of water, her hair tie on the ni
MICHAELAWe open on a Tuesday.That was not an accident. I looked at the calendar and I saw a Wednesday that would have worked better logistically and I chose the Tuesday anyway, because every single thing that has ever mattered in my life has happened on one, and I am superstitious in exactly one direction and I have made my peace with it.The unit is the one beside Honey's.It was a hardware shop for nineteen years and then it was empty for four, and I found the number for the landlord taped inside the window in handwriting that had faded almost to nothing, and I called it myself from the car with my hand shaking.I negotiated the lease myself.That sentence is doing a lot of work and I want it to. I read the terms myself and I did not understand about a third of them and I paid a lawyer in the next town four hundred dollars to explain the third I did not understand, and then I went back and asked for two changes and got one of them.I am aware of what that is. I am aware that a wom
MICHAELARichie comes to find me on a Thursday evening.I am on the sofa in the piano room with my feet up and a novel I have read the same page of three times, and he comes in and does not sit at the piano. He sits on the sofa. At the other end, facing me, one arm along the back.That is how I know before he opens his mouth."There's a piece being written," he says.He tells me all of it, in order, without editing.Harrison has spent four months building something. Not a legal action.. he tried that lane at the gala and it went nowhere. This is a magazine piece, the kind that runs in a particular publication read by a particular three thousand people, where reputation is the only currency anybody is actually trading in.It is about the arrangement.Specific. Sourced. Somebody inside Richie's orbit has talked.. somebody with enough access to know about a contract, a studio, a pole, and a woman who moved into the penthouse in November as payment for a debt.He tells me what the piece w
MICHAELAI wake up before the alarm and lie still for a moment in the dark.He is asleep beside me on his front with one arm across the space between us, the way he sleeps, his hand somewhere near my hip. His breathing is slow. In about forty minutes he will get up without waking me, because he thinks he manages this and he has never once managed it, and he will go and put the kettle on.I lie there and let myself have the last few minutes of not having said it.Not out of hesitation. Out of a kind of savoring. There is a specific pleasure in holding something you already know you are going to give away.Then I get up.He is in the kitchen at half past six.Coffee. Reading glasses. A stack of papers he is annotating with the fine black pen he keeps in his shirt pocket. Bare feet on the marble. Hair still doing whatever it does before he addresses it.This is the version of him almost nobody alive has seen.Not the man in the office who made me sign fifty pages. Not the man at the gala
MICHAELAThe contract is at least fifty pages of small print and legal language designed to confuse and trap. I flip through it slowly, trying to understand what I am agreeing to.Page one outlines the terms of employment. One year of service. Room and board provided. No salary mentioned, no benefi
MICHAELAThe drive to the penthouse takes four hours.I sit in the back of a black SUV with tinted windows, my heart pounding with dread about what the meeting will be like. The leather seats are cold against my legs. The driver doesn't speak. The two men in the front don't speak. We just move thro
MICHAELAI don't sleep that night.I sit on the floor of my mother's destroyed house with my back against the wall and a kitchen knife in my hand, and every sound makes me jump. The house settling. The wind outside. A car passing on the street. I wait for whoever destroyed this place to come back a
MICHAELA"It's not my dick, asshole, my dick works fine. I know because I've been using it outside for quite a while now. It's her."I'm about to surprise Sean, my husband, with his favorite meal, chicken nuggets and pasta, thinking that maybe tonight would be different. Maybe tonight he would actu







