Chapter Three

Cho-ae definitely fought back against that vulnerability that knocked down her walls, but as everyone was enjoying what was the beginning of the rest of their lives, she was skulking in a corner in her dorm room alone to cry her heart out. Because she shared the very same dorm room with a girl that was (presumably) straight, a girl that likes someone else. Stupid, she was definitely stupid for wasting a night like this. As she drowned out the sounds of the celebrations outside, Cho-ae prayed that these dumb feelings would all go away in the morning, because they should have never even been there in the first place.

The few weeks after the school festival, everything went on smoothly like nothing happened. Nothing did happen on Young-mi’s end, it was just simply Cho-ae’s burden to carry. Hana would consistently pester her in class, asking if she was okay but she wanted nothing but to forget. Of course, Young-mi wasn’t acting any differently, but that was because this didn’t affect her. The nights rendered her unable to sleep, tossing and turning, but her roommate would be in the same spot, studying away or on her phone occasionally.

It wasn’t until a Wednesday that something strange happened; Young-mi went outside to “take a break from studying”, but if Cho-ae knew any better, she would never do that. Even so, she set her suspicions aside and let Young-mi do whatever she wanted. Until it happened every Wednesday without fail: Young-mi would get a text then say her goodbyes to Cho-ae if she was there.

She wanted to shrug the chip off her shoulder, but she couldn’t help but feel like there was an omen above her head that was telling her that something bad was about to happen. Lost in thought, she snapped out by three knocks on their dorm room door. Cho-ae opened it and knitted her eyebrows together at the person in front of their door. "Hey, Sungho. What brings you here?"

"Oh, my girlfriend told me to pick her up here."

"Your what?" She took a step back from the doorway when Young-mi excused herself out. She must have heard it wrong. It couldn't be. There was no way. Her heart began to sink into her stomach and she froze where she stood. 

"Cho-ae, it's alright. Sungho and I are together now. I'll text you when I'll be going back." Her chest tightened at the casualty of how Young-mi said that. No matter if she was in love with her or not, but she was the last person to know about it. And for what reason would Young-mi keep it from her? For something so important, did she really have to be the last to know? She was still her best friend, after all, right? Her eyes were glued to the closed door and then she blinked.

Right?

She frowned at the door then trudged towards her bed. The air suddenly felt heavy and the clothes on her skin were suffocating her. Her chest felt tight and she just wanted nothing to do but lay down and cry. But she found herself reaching for her phone and sending a text. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" was her only message to Hana, who replied with " :( I thought you knew." But she didn't, and it only made things worse. Cho-ae wasn’t usually the one to overthink things, but damn. She truly felt like she had been stabbed in the back with the very knife she handed to Young-mi. There was much to think about, too many. With her back against her bed, she stared at the ceiling and no tears fell from her eyes. It felt like she had gone numb from the events of the past weeks and that was it. She had run out of feelings to feel other than betrayal and envy.

Then she decided to go on a walk; get out of this confined space for a chance to think of something, anything else other than Young-mi and Sungho. A distraction was what she asked of the universe, and the universe readily listened. 

In the same fashion as the first time they met, Seonghyun and Cho-ae were the only people in the elevator now. 

"Don't you live across campus?" Cho-ae's curiosity got the best of her and Seonghyun chuckled at the question. 

"Yeah, I do. But one of my close friends lives in a dorm, Kim Jennie, just dropped something off." She shrugged casually while Cho-ae only nodded as she spoke. "You're not with Young-mi today."

Really? Cho-ae thought to herself but shook her head in response before saying, "It's a bit… complicated, if you will."

"Lots of things in life are complicated. Especially if you spend half of your time worrying rather than actually doing something, you know." Seonghyun exhaled softly, the elevator doors opening. As she raised her hand, the plastic bag she held made a noise that made the two of them laugh. "I guess I'll see you around next time then, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so, Bae Seonghyun." 

It was her first winter break in university, so coming back home didn't really receive any surprised reactions or heaps of family missing her out of the blue. 

With her birthday being on the 22nd, the Moon family settled on  preparing a simple celebratory dinner together. Cho-ae, her parents, and her younger sisters were gathered in the kitchen, each tasked with a role for the meals they were making. 

From the dining table, her ears perked at the sound of her phone ringing and stopped chopping up vegetables momentarily especially seeing as Young-mi was the one calling. 

"Hey ddun, what's up?" Cho-ae wiped her palms on her apron, removed it from her neck and to the clothes hook. There were a few moments of silence on the other line, like Young-mi was still having second thoughts on what to say.

"Can you pick me up?"

"In Seoul?" She furrowed her eyebrows. An hour drive would be no problem at all, but it seemed unlikely that she needed a ride around the city she grew up in.

"Uh... In Bucheon?"

"Bucheon?! What are you doing here?" Cho-ae picked up her jacket by the door and grabbed her keys to rush to her car as quickly as she could.

"Well, I've been preparing for your birthday for the entire week, I guess how to get to your house didn't really... cross my mind..." Young-mi's voice lowered with each word, realizing how she missed the most important step in her plan. So much for the element of surprise.

"Where are you now? I'm on my way." She started to rev up the engine of her car and reverse into the driveway to retrieve her best friend.

"How can you be on your way when you don't even know where I am?"

"Kim Young-mi. This isn't the time for a debate."

"I'm at the train station. Hurry if you can, I brought cake... and a lot of other stuff, too."

"Alright, you stay there. I'll get you." She ended the call with the press of her thumb and then shook her head. Cho-ae didn't really think that any of her college friends would go out of their way to go to Bucheon on winter vacation. Especially since her birthday was so close to Christmas that it would be too much of a bother to do so.

Her car was parked nearby the station and her eyes wandered to look for a familiar girl. It didn't take too much to spot a girl with too many paper bags in one hand and a box of cake in the other.

Cho-ae reached for the bags in Young-mi's hand and said, "You really didn't have to do all of this, you know. It's too much trouble just for me."

"But that's it. It isn't too much trouble for me, it's no trouble at all to do this for you. It's the least I can do as your friend."

Well, that definitely stung. It was the truth, but a single word had her spirits defeated. But still, Cho-ae smiled at the sentiment. "Thank you, but next time, you really don't have to. We were preparing to have a simple dinner at home, did you want to drop by?"

"Ah, it's alright. I don't want to intrude. I just wanted to give you these, anyway." Young-mi shied away from the topic but Cho-ae shook her head in disagreement.

"My mom would love to have you. And I'll drive you back to Seoul so you don't have to take the train home." She countered. Mrs. Moon loved having guests over and there was always too much to eat when there were festivities held at home.

"Well, I don't really have anything else to do." Young-mi thought out loud while Cho-ae waited for her to make up her mind. "Okay, fine. You've convinced me."

The two of them caught up with each other on the drive to Cho-ae's house—she wasn't surprised that Young-mi was still studying even on vacation, while Cho-ae only worried herself with what to do that wasn't going to bore her to death.

Cho-ae turned to Young-mi in the passenger seat and spoke, "Look. My mom will be... I don't know how to say this. She just oversteps her boundaries sometimes and I thought I should let you know."

"Don't worry, I know exactly what you mean. My mom is just like that." She undid the seatbelt and opened her side of the car to go out. Cho-ae did the same but she still had her head worried about her mom, who knew everything about her daughter. Even if Cho-ae wouldn't outright say that she was into Young-mi, Mrs. Moon would for sure know.

"Oh, Cho-ae! Where have you been! It's your birthday and you go out without telling anyo—Who is this? Your girlfriend?" Cho-ae panicked and her eyes immediately widened. She laughed nervously and then shook her head vigorously.

"Mom, no. No, no. This is Young-mi. She's my best friend." Mrs. Moon looked up at her with suspicion and then Cho-ae continued, "She has a boyfriend."

Her mother clicked her tongue and went back further inside the house. "Men are useless anyway, you'll soon find."

"Mom!" Cho-ae groaned as she was taking off her shoes, the embarrassment already getting to her.

"She has a point, you know."

"You don't have to agree. She's just being..." She rubbed the base of her neck and sighed.

"Don't worry. I'm sure your mom and I will get along." Young-mi laughed while Cho-ae led her into the dining area.

"Yeah, if she doesn't kill me from humiliation first." They sat beside each other and Young-mi gently placed the cake down on the center of the table after.

"I never knew you liked girls." Young-mi pointed out after neither of them spoke for a while. Cho-ae didn't know whether to laugh or to frown at the irony of Young-mi being the one to bring it up.

"Is that not obvious enough?" She chuckled.

"I mean, yeah, but..." Her head was raised in thought, but then Young-mi concluded, "Nevermind. It is pretty obvious."

"What now? Are you going to tell me you're actually homophobic and we can no longer be friends?" Cho-ae joked while Young-mi hit her playfully.

"Of course not. I don't mind at all."

"Even if I start dating girls and bringing them back to the dorm while you're there?"

Young-mi placed her chin on the back of her hand and stayed still for a moment. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there." But they would never get there was the truth; because Cho-ae would stay stuck on her side even if there was no chance. To be by her side when Young-mi is happy would be more than she could ask.

“Dinner is ready. Young-mi-ah, eat as much as you like, okay? Eat as much as our Cho-ae has been troubling you all this time.” Mrs. Moon placed a few dish plates filled with various meals down on the table in front of them while Cho-ae looked at her with furrowed eyebrows.

“What are you implying mom!”

“All I’m saying is that you can be a handful sometimes, Cho-ae.”

“Hey!”

“Well, she’s not exactly wrong.” Cho-ae furrowed her eyebrows at Young-mi agreeing with her mom. She shook her head in disbelief over the women in her life ganging up on her when it was her birthday, too.