Chapter 5

Alpha Sebastian

I have been away from the pack for more than a week now. I fought off the rogues in the northern borders the first two days but i just can't bring myself to return yet. I am fully aware of the pain i bring to my pack. All these years that i grieve, my pack has been to its knees from heartbreak. I know my pain is a constant shadow above their every little happy moment, but i don't know what to do to relieve it. I take every chance i get to leave for some time, to take some pressure off of them and leave my Beta, Thomas, deal with everything.

I always go away on my own. I prefer to deal with external threats myself. I have my Gamma warriors inside the borders at all times, always preferred it that way. And so far it served us well. All my reigning years using this system we only had one death from rogue attack. Unfortunately, it was my Beta's wife, five years ago.

My wolf is very powerful and i use the battlefield to let go of some steam, that's why i don't take anyone with me. I let him completely loose, free to bite and claw his pain away. In that state he could be dangerous even for packmates and i really need it to not hold back. I don't know what else to do to relieve myself.

Tania was the gift that the Moon Goddess had for me, but for some twisted reason she took away almost immediately. I was twenty five years old when i found her, nearly lost all hope of ever finding my mate up until then. She was nineteen, the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. There are no words to describe my excitement when my wolf howled 'mate' inside my head upon seeing her in that concert. I used to love music so much, and went to every concert and festival that took place in our town. She loved the fireworks and we would sit on the ground for every display.

We had been together for only two months. Two weeks after our mating ceremony, the Autumn Town Fair came to town. She was so excited. I couldn't resist making her happy, so of course i made the necessary arrangements for us to go.

The Autumn Town Fair was not as huge back then as it is now. Twenty years ago, it had only just begun becoming an annual tradition some years prior. It had some small fun rides, like the carousel and the bumper cars, a big ferris wheel and a small train with two wagons, for kids, to go around the grounds. The candy stand, the hotdog stand, and the tattoo stand were a few of the stands existing back then. Nowadays, though, a lot of the businesses have entered the Fair, creating stands for literally everything.

Then, there were the funfair ground games, like ring throwing or picking up apples from the water in barrels.

And last but not least, the service tents. Two closed tents, one for highly risky, speed sex from a rogue she-wolf prostitute and one for a highly relaxing and reviving massage session from a small and kind east-asian man, and an open tent, for the fortune-telling.

Tania and i went through everything, except the sex tent. Her black eyes were glowing with bliss, like a night sky full of stars and you could tell by the messy bun she had her black hair in that she was ready for anything that night.

We bought some homemade lemonade from the lemonade stand and headed towards the firework section. Passing in front of the fortune-telling tent, Tania wanted to know our future. I laughed, telling her that i didn't believe in that hocus pocus and that we would create the future we wanted, together. She was so cute insisting, though, i just couldn't say no. So, in we went. I would never have known that that would be my last happy memory.

The moment we stepped in the tent and the witch laid eyes on us, her smile turned slowly into a frown, staring at Tania. I suppressed a low, protective growl because i could tell she was human. Tania became aware and i could feel her mood changing. She started saying why we were there, but the witch cut her off with a head nod and a hand gesture.

"There is no point asking for a future that isn't there. It is always sad when young people die, especially when they die by the thing they love the most."

I will never forget her words.

Tania was shaking and i dragged her out of there, shouting threats at the witch. We were almost running up the firework section, trying to calm ourselves, when i saw people screaming and shouting 'watch out!' I had zero time to react, but it felt like everything was playing in slow motion. A loud bang and a firework missile headed directly at us, hitting and exploding on Tania's chest. I was thrown aback by the heatwave and got burned on my face and chest, but Tania died on the spot. As the witch had just said, died from the thing she loved the most.

I was gone for. I lost my voice from screaming and crying. I felt no pain from the burns on me, even the pain from my mark, from the violent breaking of the mate bond, was no match for the pain in my heart. It felt like my chest was ripped open and my heart was being pulled out of my ribcage, slowly and painfully, spreading numbness throughout my body. My brain was a mush, my mind a black whirlwind of agony and despair. I have no recollection of breaking everything around me, or any recollection of going and killing the witch that cursed my mate. I was told of all that later.

And, sadly, twenty years later, that numbness has only solidified. I know for a fact that the only reason i am not being challenged for the Alpha role by anyone, is because i am too powerful and i do a great job protecting the pack from rogues. But i know full well that the last twenty years have been dark for my packmates, and continue to be so.

I may stay away for a couple more days...