I drew in a deep breath. "I want you to be happy." "I don't if I can be happy either way. It's a lose/lose situation.""I understand," I murmured. "Do whatever you feel is best."He looked at me for a long time. "I think I need therapy," he said. "These mood swings drive me crazy, too. I don't mean to yell at you like I do. It just kind of happens. I don't think.""You serious about therapy?"He shook his head. "I am serious about the mood swings, though."I reached for his hand, and he let me take it. "We're really messed up.""Yeah. We are. I love you, though." He kissed my hair. "I love you."He hated me. He loved me. I was a slut. I was his girlfriend. He wanted to break up. He didn't want to break up. What in the hell was going

When I recovered from my little breakdown, I went into Simon's room. He was sitting on the bed, watching Asia's Next Top Model."I worry about you," I murmured."Yeah, well, same to you. You've been crying.""No I haven't," I lied. He saw right through it."Sophie, Jackson shouldn't have said that.""You know what pisses me off even more? He doesn't deserve Brenda. He treats her like his little bitch and I hate it. He knows that she won't leave him and so he just pushes her to see how far she'll go, and then he comes crawling back to her. That's not fair.""I know, babe.""I'm going to go talk to him about this. I don't want things to be awkward. You okay with that?"He nodded, kissing me quickly. "Yeah. Let me know if you want me to beat his ass."

When she'd recovered enough to sit up, I brought her a cup of water."I'm sorry… I know it's Christmas Eve and your family probably doesn't appreciate my being here—""We're not real big on the togetherness thing. They're at a party with their friends.""I just feel like this is the only place I could really go… you're the most real person I know, Sophie. You're not like my other friends, they're all so… superficial. If I told them… of course they'd feel sorry for me… but it'd be all of school as soon as we got off break."I nodded in understanding. "Do you want to tell me exactly what happened?""I went to Scott's, he was having a small party. I didn't come with Jackson, because I didn't think he'd want to go. You know how reclusive he's been lately." She drew in a deep breath.

The minute I set foot outside, I shivered. It was freezing. Jackson put a protective arm around me and we walked towards his car in comfortable silence. We stood at the drivers side, just kinda staring at each other."Goodnight," I said finally.He pulled me to him and kissed me roughly. He tasted of cigarettes and alcohol and peppermint gum. When the kiss ended, he held me for a while."I'm so fucking sorry," he whispered, his voice tight with emotion.I hugged him as hard as I could. "Shh…" I kissed his cheek. "Go home and get some sleep. Good night, Jackson."He nuzzled my neck and got into the car. "Take good care of Brenda.""I will," I promised.I came back inside and went up to my room. Brenda was sitting on the bed, watching TV."

The next time I saw Jackson and Simon was on New Year's Eve. I talked on the phone with Jackson every night, but we both felt like we needed some time apart to get our heads on straight. I didn't think to take off my ring when Simon came to pick me up. It was the first thing he mentioned. Damn him for being selectively observant. He never noticed when I got a haircut, but if I had a new piece of jewelry on then it was a big deal. "Where did that ring come from? Looks pricey.""Mom and Dad got it for me. They said they felt like they needed to get me something nice since they left me alone all Christmas day." The lie came easily, and it was pretty believable. My folks were always trying to make up for their lack of parenting skills with extraordinary gifts and he knew it."I hate how they think that pretty things can fix all their mistakes," he growled. "Although that really i