Stepping out of the hospital, I started making my way towards the bus stop and reached for my phone to remove the silence mode whenever I am in session. Looking over my messages from Luis and Fernando, there was also a message from Lucas sending me information on their meeting for tomorrow, and I wondered if Elliot was still going to come with me. I passed on the reminder to Elliot and stepped inside the bus then took a seat in the back. We really did talk a lot today on various topics and I wasn’t too sure if I discussed it all. I hadn’t planned for her to change my medication, but I will admit that my mood hasn’t been good for a few months now and maybe it is the stress that I’ve been putting myself in. But if my current medication hasn’t been helping me then I have to agree that this change would be helpful for me in the future and I need to learn to not have these sorts of thoughts.After everything that I went through in high school and graduating high school, I wanted to do my b

I sat in the living room watching television until I finally received a text, and I started making my way outside seeing Elliot’s car parked in the driveway. I was excited about today since it has been some time since we’ve gone on a date and on last year’s anniversary we stayed at home. I only remember that Elliot wanted to go out for dinner, but other than that I don’t really know what his plans are and it makes me a bit anxious. Knowing Elliot, it would be something small and concealed so that wouldn’t be something unsettling for me. I got inside the car and the first thing I did was lean over towards him, kissing him softly.“Hi.” I said.“How are you?” He asked as he started driving after I put on my seat belt.“I’m doing well. I’m excited to go out today and we didn’t get to see each other last night.” I said, looking over at him.Elliot gave a loud sigh and said, “I’ve just been so caught up with my assignments and group projects that took a lot of my time. I’m sorry that I hav

The week went by so fast that I wasn’t too sure where to start, but I saw my doctor on Tuesday and it seems like it’ll take about three weeks for my insurance to approve the change of medication. All I could do is wait for a call from the pharmacy when it would be available and with the tutoring from Lucas helped me passed the quiz that the professor surprised us with on Wednesday. Lucas began to refuse payment for the sessions now and I felt like I needed to find something to pay for his help. When Friday arrived, I didn’t bother Elliot too much about coming to the meeting and I went straight home afterwards since I have plans to go over to Elliot’s new apartment the next day. He’s been focused on us that I want to do the same as well during my stay at his new apartment and for today I want to stop throwing my problems on him. I should stop bringing up these issues that I’ve been going through not wanting to worry him during our time apart and I feel like I owe him so much after all

Elliot stared down at me, his expression stiffened at my response before he moved my hands away and pulled off his shirt. He tossed his shirt to the side as he leaned forward kissing me and it felt like he was being gentle with each peek like he's willing to withdraw at any point if I asked him. I can feel that pounding sensation against his chest when I placed my hand on his chest letting my fingers linger and the unsure feeling returned. Where did that confidence disappear? I said that I wanted to do this and yet I’m pulling back again. Elliot saw my hesitation when I began to pull my hand away and reached out grabbing my wrist placing my hand right at the middle of his chest.“Can you feel that?” He asked me.I was curious at his question before noticing that I’m feeling his heart and its racing. That pounding feeling that I felt wasn't from me but from him. “Are you scared?”He smiled as he continued on kissing me and nodded, “Terrified. You're scared that I wouldn’t want you anym

Elliot seemed to get the hint and I could see the dimples on his cheek as he smiles down at me. He’s been putting in the effort so that I wouldn’t have to be reminded of the first time I’ve had sex and become overwhelmed with fear. Having to be reminded of that painful feeling jolting through my body and feeling like I was only there for their own needs. I took a deep breath as I tried to shake off that anxious feeling that was creeping up on me and looked at Elliot while I could feel his hands spreading my legs apart. I kept my eyes on him wanting a distraction and seeing in his expression that he was being cautious. It honestly didn’t hurt so much after Elliot paused to let me take a breath and I can feel him inside me.“If you don’t like it, tell me, okay?” He whispers.I nodded, wanting to show that I was comfortable, and placed my hand over his chest. I want to feel his heart pounding like mine and remind myself that we are each other first. It's not like I’m overwriting my past,