LUKAThe party was still in full swing when I got back inside. It was the only other place I had to go since she had asked me not come. I passed by a group of wild students playing beer pong and grabbed a bottle of beer on the way before returning back to where I was sitting. They were sitting in a circular fashion with the chairs rearranged and a bottle on the table in the center. My seat beside Erica had been occupied by someone else and the only spare place to sit was opposite her and I took it. It would save me the stress of answering her question about where I've been anyway. They were playing spin the bottle game but I tipped my head against the head rest and closed my eyes barely interested. The only indication that I'm not asleep was the bottle of beer that I was drinking from. There was a storm going on inside of me. The kind that used to drive me to get into fights, but today I'm finding out that I didn't have the strength. I deserved to let it tear me up from the insid

"What time is it?" I held my head trying to hold it in place, feeling like it could split into two and look around searching for Joey but coming up empty. That means I slept here alone last night. I get up on wobbly feet and make it to the toilet. I grabbed the bedpost and door on my way before finally emptying my full bladder. When I finished, I stood in front of the mirror to wash my hand in front of the wash hand basin and I gasped in horror. I look like shit. I feel like shit too. My hair was sticking everywhere and there was a line of spit near my mouth. My eyes were red and my eyes have dark stubble underneath. I also smelled like booze, and a strange perfume I won't usually wear. .I cupped my hand under the sink to scoop some water to wash my face. I stood there for a while leaning over the sink as the events of yesterday night slowly trickled in; leaving Bella hanging, the darned party, going to the closet with Erica and getting back here only to drink some more. I n

LUKA"Did you see this girl here at the night of the party?" I asked, feeling my head pound. The red eyed boy who was barely listening to us answered, "No." "Damn it, you didn't even look at the picture," I grabbed him at the shoulder to shake him and I must have caught him off guard because then he peered back into my phone. "Relax man. You know how these college parties go. I'm not sure, I remember what happened that night, remembering someone I saw is a far stretch." "Yes but you should slow down on the drugs then," Paula dragged me away from him knowing that I was close to my breaking point. "Screaming at him isn't going to change anything. I need you to calm down." "I can't fucking calm down Paula. It's been two days. I'm at the end of the rope and it feels like I'm losing my mind. It feels like Bella getting kidnapped over and over again and I don't know what is wrong with her and it's like living close to an edge knowing that you're going down very fast. And I can't breath

"Do you think you're open to talking about the miscarriage now? This is our tenth session together so far." Liz my therapist asked and I shrugged nonchalantly. "Alright then, we will leave that till when you genuinely want to discuss it yourself and feel like you're ready."I scoffed and adjusted in the warm fuzzy cushion keeping my eyes on the sand glass that was inverted and draining slowly. This office space was warm and cozy especially for one that wasn't a private practice. It had daring art pieces on a wall, one of a picture of a face mostly the tongue with sink hole drainage and another beside with a padlock on the lips and the last of a girl with bright eyes and a protruding tongue with a wide smile. Everytime I've sat in this office the first picture gave me the jeebies just because I had Trypophobia and wondered how anyone could stare at without feeling irritated. The second one was thought provoking because of the sadness in the models eyes and the huge padlock dangling o

LUKA"You're going to wake up Leonardo." I whispered in a hushed tone to Paula, hoping that she'll at least get my hint and stop shouting. "I don't care if he wakes up or not. What I care about right now is saving you from going down this part that will only end up hurting you even more.I chuckled dryly and shrugged," it's really not a big deal, I just haven't had time to box up her stuff." She knew I was lying, I couldn't be more obvious."Okay so start boxing them up now." She moved towards the closet and I pulled her back angrily. "Why are you acting this way? She is your friend." She stopped in her tracks and sighed loudly before spinning on her heels to face me, "Was, she was my friend. Not anymore." She stalked towards me before continuing, "Do you want to know why? A friend will at least reach out to let me know that she was fine. I wasn't the one that hurt her. All I've done is have her back and choose her side even with you. But she just freaking dropped off the face of