This must be the most bizarre girl’s night out in history. Martha and I were disguised in huge black hoods, matching many other guests, apparently a White Forest Pack style Martha assured me. Together we guided a limping Genevieve, walking with a stick, sporting a large black hat with her masses of curly hair tucked inside. She had borrowed some of my clothes seeing as she only had the rancid silk slip she was first presented in. She could have been missing a leg and she would have dragged herself out to this pit of barbarity tonight, so determined to see Franklin meet his end. Even so the mood was almost fun, the crowd was exhilaratingly wild. Martha warned me there was no way to escape, every exit out of the complex being severely monitored by the guards. How could I tell her, for the first time ideas of escape were not on my mind, not until I knew Ivan was safe. Amidst the flowing beer, crude jokes and jostling for position we found ourselves in the thick of it. We couldn’t se

The more kisses I lavished on him the more he seemed to accept that I genuinely want this to happen. Having to confess to having zero experience in the world of men made him pause but oh god now his hands were back, sparking reactions all over my body. He tugged at my vest, lifting it up over my head. I stood in only his shorts and black lace bra. His green eyes simply ate me up as though I was some uncovered treasure. The heat of his gaze should have made me blush and retreat but instead I felt emboldened. The fear of losing him had made me shut down the nagging, worried part of my brain at how impossible this situation was, at least for now. “I believe the shorts are yours too,” I smiled, watching his hands slowly travel from my waist towards the knot tied at the front. Standing on the mattress my chest, hoisted upwards in my lace bra was very close to his face, indeed I could feel his breath on my chest as he looked down to untie the knot. Looking down at his busy hands I couldn

After Ivan left, I cried, scalding tears of frustration and sadness. Then I spent an age staring into the mirror. There is nothing there, my eyes are their usual placid blue but that’s not why I lashed out. I cannot understand myself. Why did I get so defensive about the idea I might be part-wolf? Would it really be that horrendous? Apart from the obvious psychopaths and villains in this hellhole, and the ones who raided our villages, Martha, Genevieve and Ivan have been just as kind as any humans I know. After all, I'm seeing woodland and even wolves in dreams and oh my god the sparks. None of it is normal, I know this. I’m in so much denial that I’ve gone and wrecked it with Ivan. After he made me feel like I was on another planet with pleasure I have repaid his kindness by making him feel like scum. The guilt is overwhelming. The way his face changed after I lashed out. “I thought you wanted to die,” was burned into my conscience. That was an appalling thing to say. If I coul

Martha left me in the linen cupboard for most of the day. I can’t stand to be anywhere else. The room is the only area with happy memories. The smell of clean laundry, Genevieve's laugh, the complete absence of shifters. I try to mourn for her but I realise I am mourning a ghost. My grief is for the friendship I imagine we could have had. By the time I came out it was dark and Martha was locking up. She gave me a sad smile and wrapped her arm around me. “Tomorrow you can help me, I am sorry for today, it’s been tough losing her when she fought so hard to get through her first month.” We chatted soberly as we headed back towards my room. Ivan would surely be there so I made sure to pull on my gloves before we got back. Martha noticed, but she said nothing, just absorbed it all with her eager brown eyes. I am sure she thought I would be stripping off for Ivan, not adding layers. It was so late by the time I arrived back at the room Ivan was already in bed asleep. Or at least pretendi

I woke up in Ivan’s arms, in his huge white bed. Entwined together the sparks were altogether softer when not driven by pure lust. WIth the bright light of dawn forcing its way through the small window I gazed at his face. When sleeping the firmness, the constant pretence he was someone fearsome was gone. His jaw was chiselled, his lips friendly. I knew he could smile, I needed to see it more. His hair, so russet-red, almost like a fox with coppery fiery tones that shone fascinatingly brightly. His eyes might be shut but they were already imprinted in my memory. His lively green, emerald eyes, full of friendly intentions and kindness. Then when they shimmered with gold and all his desires were laid bare. I shuddered in his arms remembering how I had almost heard his control snap when I finally got into his arms again. His face down there, the hungry way he had taken me, it was an intense combination of Ivan and his wolf. Using my femininity to tease him into action was not somethin