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24. Ivan
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The Beta's Prize 25. Cherish
After Ivan left, I cried, scalding tears of frustration and sadness. Then I spent an age staring into the mirror. There is nothing there, my eyes are their usual placid blue but that’s not why I lashed out. I cannot understand myself. Why did I get so defensive about the idea I might be part-wolf? Would it really be that horrendous? Apart from the obvious psychopaths and villains in this hellhole, and the ones who raided our villages, Martha, Genevieve and Ivan have been just as kind as any humans I know. After all, I'm seeing woodland and even wolves in dreams and oh my god the sparks. None of it is normal, I know this. I’m in so much denial that I’ve gone and wrecked it with Ivan. After he made me feel like I was on another planet with pleasure I have repaid his kindness by making him feel like scum. The guilt is overwhelming. The way his face changed after I lashed out. “I thought you wanted to die,” was burned into my conscience. That was an appalling thing to say. If I coul
The Beta's Prize 26. Ivan
Amid an uncomfortable silence, I strode across the wooden gym floor finding a seat at the back like a naughty school child, Unfortunately that means I am next to a seething Denton. His long black beard was constantly being stroked, twisted and pulled by his fat fingers. While I tried to listen to Vincent’s stats and financial figures I could feel his head was turned and looking directly at me. “What?” I hissed quietly, keeping my eyes ahead. “You’re fucking dead.” “We all are,” I sighed back, “try something new.” “Xavier should be here instead of you.” “Are you missing your bestie? Didn’t think that was your style Denton, unless he was more than that to you…” I found my chair kicked away and I hit the wooden floor with a crash. Denton was immediately above me, his fists smashing into my face. I hardly had the will to defend myself after leaving things like that with Cherish. Kohl stepped up, the red mist descending over my consciousness. By the time I came back to my senses I wa
The Beta's Prize 27. Cherish
Martha left me in the linen cupboard for most of the day. I can’t stand to be anywhere else. The room is the only area with happy memories. The smell of clean laundry, Genevieve's laugh, the complete absence of shifters. I try to mourn for her but I realise I am mourning a ghost. My grief is for the friendship I imagine we could have had. By the time I came out it was dark and Martha was locking up. She gave me a sad smile and wrapped her arm around me. “Tomorrow you can help me, I am sorry for today, it’s been tough losing her when she fought so hard to get through her first month.” We chatted soberly as we headed back towards my room. Ivan would surely be there so I made sure to pull on my gloves before we got back. Martha noticed, but she said nothing, just absorbed it all with her eager brown eyes. I am sure she thought I would be stripping off for Ivan, not adding layers. It was so late by the time I arrived back at the room Ivan was already in bed asleep. Or at least pretendi
The Beta's Prize 28. Ivan
Kohl had wailed at me the instant I withdrew my lips from her soft skin. He was drunk on the sparks, a whirling frenzy of activity in my mind as I softly roamed from up by her ear down to her collarbone. It felt like falling. The more I gently nuzzled and nipped her the more dangerous it felt. Like a tightrope walk, a few more seconds and I would have spun her around and devoured her where she stood. But I can’t. I won’t. I must master my wolf’s urges. Just because Kohl is desperate for me to get closer to her doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. Even though her eyes have that pink sparkle, and her skin seems to taste of red berries. Her wolf is emerging. Which means she is potentially not herself right now. Leaving her standing there in the room and flinging myself back into bed took serious willpower. Every sinew in my body wanted more, but I did it. I proved my point that she is a shifter and here I am alone in bed. My own eyes are blazing in desire, trying to pretend I di
The Beta's Prize 29. Cherish
I woke up in Ivan’s arms, in his huge white bed. Entwined together the sparks were altogether softer when not driven by pure lust. WIth the bright light of dawn forcing its way through the small window I gazed at his face. When sleeping the firmness, the constant pretence he was someone fearsome was gone. His jaw was chiselled, his lips friendly. I knew he could smile, I needed to see it more. His hair, so russet-red, almost like a fox with coppery fiery tones that shone fascinatingly brightly. His eyes might be shut but they were already imprinted in my memory. His lively green, emerald eyes, full of friendly intentions and kindness. Then when they shimmered with gold and all his desires were laid bare. I shuddered in his arms remembering how I had almost heard his control snap when I finally got into his arms again. His face down there, the hungry way he had taken me, it was an intense combination of Ivan and his wolf. Using my femininity to tease him into action was not somethin
The Beta's Prize 30. Cherish
I am back in my dreams, travelling through the woodland. Everything is bright and fresh, the air smells like it has rained. That deeply earthy, pure scent that warms your soul. I notice my feet are bare as I ascend the path, a plain white cotton dress down to my ankles. I have never owned such an item before, yet it seems so familiar. I am walking towards the sun, still low in the morning sky. Unlike my other dreams I can take in every detail. There is a delicate gold bangle on my wrist, it moves along my arm as I walk. Climbing further up the hill I find myself breathing harder, taking in lungs full of the crisp air, but I am not tired. Every breath seems to recharge my energy. Finally, the last few tall pine trees are cleared, and I reach the top of the hill. The grassy space that I have returned to almost every night since being given to Ivan. Ahead of me are pine trees to the west, huge expanses of lakes and valleys to the east. The small brown and white wolf is there too, patie
The Beta's Prize 31. Ivan
I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive myself. Or Martha for that matter. Why the hell was Cherish out there alone? Has everyone lost their minds and forgotten the depraved, psychotic people that lurk around every single door? The guards work here because they are frustrated drunks with gambling debts, the men fight to death here because they have no choice. The ones who do like fighting such as Denton, Shay, Maxwell, and Philo are deviants of the worst kind. Denton appears to have gathered himself a crew of like-minded bastards. He strokes his black beard and tells them the best way to torture an opponent, man or woman and they look on like he is a deity. Death holds no meaning for them anymore, their kicks come only from causing pain to others. All of them are hugely fearsome men, eager to build further muscles through over-eager grunting and lifting in the gymnasium. Seeing as nearly every prize is already dead after less than a week, they have only exercise to vent thei
The Beta's Prize 32. Ivan
Cherish remained in the infirmary whilst I was segregated from the team. Anxious days ached by. Encased in my small room I paced like a wild animal. The fear of her succumbing to her injuries plagued me constantly. I had no information, nobody came near my door as though my fall from grace was as catchable as flu. The anger at how Cherish had fallen prey to them ate me up. I barely ate or slept, hearing nothing, either from the infirmary or from Vincent. She couldn't be dead. I know Martha would have at least told me that somehow. I hope so. I also knew I still had to take my punishment. Perhaps I would be dead before she recovered. Killing a fellow teammate was probably more disliked by Vincent and Kingsley than Denton’s abduction of Cherish. Finally I was summoned. A smirking Kingsley tapped at my door, surrounded by guards toting stun guns. He had left it four days, building up the anticipation of just how horrifically he intended to make me pay for damaging his "product". The
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