I know that I’ve hit rock bottom at work when I catch myself wondering if whether staying at home watching loose women would be a better alternative. The hangover I’m experiencing is nothing compared to the burning and shameful memory of last night. Or the fact that Mr Brown has refused to look at me all morning. And even worse is the fact that my speech is quoted word for word in business section of the local newspaper. And the fact that the picture caption reads: All present and erect…. Emma of Herman-Brown’s paying tribute to her boss and CEO Mr Big-Cock. On top of this publicity dilemma, a problem has emerged: two local stations have finally agreed to a behind the scenes piece with one of my clients; a dentist. I’ve been pushing the idea for a few weeks, so under normal circumstances, I’d be absolutely delighted. The problem is, they want to go today, to coincide with their approval to operate from the CQC – at exactly the same time I’m running a major product launch for

It’s now been over a week since I have heard from Chris and it’s abundantly clear that another promising relationship is nesting miserably in my emotional wheelie-bin, and awaiting its collection day.It’s beyond demoralising, when did I become so unattractive? I’m sure I never used to be. What’s actually ironic is that my diet, minus the chocolate cake has been going exceptionally well. If I stand on a certain position on the scales I’ve lost just over half a stone, and even more if I get weighed after my morning shit.“Emma, trust me, you’re not unattractive. You’re bloody gorgeous,” Dani tells me on our way home from work. I’ve been with her all day, but this isn’t a conversation to be had in the work office. “Some men wouldn’t know a good thing, if it hit them in the face.”“I haven’t tried hitting them in the face,” I briefly wonder if it would be effective. “I wouldn’t recommend it, so get that idea out your head,” she laughs. “Seriously, don’t blame yourself for this. I mean,

I’ve been in a few brainstorms in my time, but none like this. “How about chivalry?” Says Katie. “Those little touches like opening the door for her, pulling out the chair, and just being a gentleman. They’re really important things.” “Perfect,” Dani replies as she jabs her pen in the air and spins to face the flip chart. She’s getting into her training coordinator role and today is one of her favourite topics: how to behave on a date. “That’s a good one, Scott. Mind you, I think that’ll come naturally to you.” Scott is concentrating intensely. Now that he’s landed a date, he’s determined not to fuck it up. As he sits on our sofa before a list of dating rules, Dani has his full attention. “Number one; listen to her. Most men just end up babbling away about themselves and there’s nothing more offputting. Ask about her for a change. Where she grew up. Her job. Her likes and dislikes. You get the picture.” “I absolutely do,” says Scott. “Number two; act confident. You may

When I wake the next morning in my own bed, I don’t feel good. The fact that I almost had sex with someone so soon after meeting him has made me feel cheap. I could live with this disappointment in myself if it had been steamy and sensual; that is was short and not especially sweet, is the real killer. Then I close my eyes and picture Chris’s face, laughing, and feel a swell of affection, regardless. My phone beeps, and I pick it up from my bedside table and see that a text message has arrived. It’s from Chris. ‘I’m so sorry about my performance last night. It was a fuck up – honestly. I feel terrible. Can we try again? Xx’ I close the text and phone Dani. “Fuck. How bad was it?” “It wasn’t great,” is all I’m prepared to say. “But sex isn’t everything, is it? I’d be pretty shallow if I let this put me off, wouldn’t I?” Dani hesitates and I realise I’ve asked the wrong person. “So everything else went well until that point?” “N..yes.” “Here’s what I think. Part of me

The rest of the afternoon is as close to the definition of pure enjoyment as you can get. We laugh, drink cheer our way through the final two races before stepping on packed but merry train back to Hull. Nobody cares if their toes are stepped on by stiletto heels or of their hat falls off and ends up looking dirty. We ought to stop drinking and go home to a warm horlicks, but the city nightlife is too seductive. As the train pulls into a station to let a couple off, I glance at Dani and Jamie. Their arms are wrapped around a pile and each other – with their eyes locked in mutual adoration. Dani catches me looking at her. “You okay?” She mouths. I nod and smile. As Jamie pulls her tighter, I know I don’t have to ask her the same. Rachel, meanwhile, is resting her head drunkenly on Scott’s shoulder two seats away from where Chris and I are sitting, holding hands. I can’t see Scott’s face as woman wearing the biggest hat I’ve ever seen is blocking his way. But from Rachel’s expres