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Alle Kapitel von Whispers of the Heart: Kapitel 1 – Kapitel 10

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Prologue

PROLOGUEMy hands trembled as I searched for the phone. I knew it had to be around here somewhere. She was never without it, always within reach, waiting for that next call. The call that would lead to either the next big hit or the means to an end. My hands felt blindly, frantically through the sheets. Not finding what I needed, in desperation, I ripped them from the bed. I breathed a sign of relief as I heard, no felt a thud on the floor next to me.I was temporarily deaf. The pounding of my heart fueled the high amounts of adrenaline running through my veins, creating a dull roar in my head, an endless pulsing wave rolling back and forth, blocking out all other sounds around me. My heart beat was strong, albeit a little too loud and unnecessarily quick at the moment.I scooped the phone off of the floor, my knees buckling as I flipped it over in my hands. Pain ricocheted through my legs as I hit the hardwood on impact, all strength leaving me as I collapsed to the ground. The scree

It's Okay to Be Scared

I felt his little hand tighten in mine and his feet started to drag, scuffing along the pavement, as the school loomed ahead in the distance, looking too big to even me. To his little eyes, I’m sure it was gigantic and threatening. I stopped and crouched down to his level, those beautiful chocolate brown eyes staring back at me.“Do you think they will like me?” He asked me for the hundredth time in the last few weeks.“I am positive they will love you, little man. What’s not to love? You are smart and funny and the most handsome little guy I have ever seen.”“You have to say that. You’re my sister.”“Listen, have I ever lied to you?”He cocked his little head, thinking hard. I could see the gears turning, him trying his best to come up with a time I had ever wronged him. If I let this continue, we would be here awhile and he would be late because I had always and would always put him first and he knew it. He was just staling.I stood up again, looked down at him and gave his little h

Wendy

We didn’t have any problems until Wendy moved in last year. Phil had not dated since that night he brought us home. In fact, I never saw him with a woman at all until Wendy suddenly showed up in our lives and moved in, seemingly overnight. Phil had played his part, telling her that I was his step daughter but the truth was, it was a difficult story to sell. He hadn’t seemed happy about her being there but being a nice guy and passive, he didn’t stop her either.Phillip is only ten years older than I am. He was six years younger than my mom when they dated briefly and she became pregnant with Nate. He is a very attractive man, looking younger than he is so most would assume when looking at us that we are a couple and that Nate is our child. That little boy is a perfect combination of Phil’s sandy blond hair and sharp cheekbones and my mom’s chocolate brown eyes and button nose. Both traits that I inherited from her, too.Janet was only sixteen when she had me and until she started doin

The Night It All Changed

FLASHBACKShe had fixed him a fancy dinner one night when she knew I wasn’t working. She knew would be home to care for Nate and she could flaunt whatever it was she was attempting to accomplish in front of me. She was strolling around the kitchen in stilettos and barely there red lingerie with a matching see through kimono robe, while she cooked, when I had brought Nate back from the park. She had the wine poured and flowing freely already by the sway of her hips, all waiting for when Phil came in from work. I had quickly made Nate a PB&J and had taken him out of there, retreating to his room the moment I saw how she was dressed and what her intentions were.After I had him fast asleep for the night, I ventured out carefully and, not hearing anyone in the living room or kitchen, I had backtracked to make myself some food. I was starving since Wendy’s presence and attire had prevented me having the chance to get anything to eat at all for myself.I had barely set down and had taken on

Aftermath

I haven’t seen Wendy since that night, not even around town, and Phil and I have never talked about it but things have not been the same between us. I now know that he sees me differently, sees me as a woman. I don't know when this started. I have never caught him looking at me with the looks you would expect from someone attracted to another person.Not that I have anything to go off of other than remembering the looks on the faces of those men as they watched her. That was a piss poor comparison, at best. Primal lust and physical attraction are supposed to look differently, aren't they? That's how it's portrayed in the movies and in the romance novels, my only sources for sex education. I would have noticed if he had been looking at me differently, right? From what I can recall, he barely looked at me at all. Or did he and I was too busy taking care of Nate to pay attention. Did he start seeing me as an object of desire and I was just too naive to notice?Like I said, Phil is an at

The Comfortable Arrangement

As much as I would have liked to have stalled or ran away altogether, I knew I couldn’t. I didn’t know exactly how this conversation was going to go but I, at least, owed Phil enough to have it. He had taken me in and let me live with them when he knew he didn’t have to. I could have easily been tossed into the system, ending up in a foster home somewhere halfway across the country but I didn’t. I know part of it was him feeling that he owed me for taking care of Nate when he wasn’t around and another equal part not knowing how to take care of Nate and be a father himself. For the time, it just worked out for all of us. I took care of Nate and the house, worked when I could and either gave him money to help with bills or bought groceries and necessities for the house.Neither of us ever thought to question the arrangement until it was forced upon us. I grew up. I was no longer the scrawny, awkward fourteen year old girl he took guardianship of that tragic night. He saved me and I, in

Barb's Advice

I had confided in her months ago about what had happened that night that Wendy attacked me. She had said the moment that Wendy moved in that she would not last. That she had known that woman all her life and that she was the desperate type. Not only that, she told me straight up that Wendy hated me so much because she was jealous. Jealous of how beautiful I was, her words not mine, and jealous that I already had Phil wrapped around my finger.I had scoffed at this, refusing to see it or believe it until that night. I confessed to Barb that I just didn’t know what to do just a couple weeks ago. On a particularly slow evening with not a customer in sight, we sat down as Barb lit up a cigarette between those ruby red lips and after taking a couple long draws, she told me exactly what she thought on the matter. Barb suggested that I give Phil a chance, if he ever was brave enough to make the move and straight up tell me how he felt. She had drummed her fingers on the wood of the table as

It's Your Name He Moaned, Not Hers

She tamped out her cigarette before leaning back with a deep sigh. “I see your point, kid. That is tough. But, that was a long time ago and your momma is long gone from this world. That doesn’t seem to bother him too much now, though, does it?”“Men are different. I remember what it was like for them to be together, though. Janet had always struggled as a mom. She wanted to be my friend more than my parent. She liked to party, drink and do drugs. She smoked marijuana and would snort pills but nothing more than that, not at first. I got drug around with her to every party she went to from the moment my granny died when I was eight. It’s any wonder I didn’t end up being abused when I look back on it.”“She was different when she got with Phil.” I continued pouring my heart out, unable to stop now as Barb just sat and listened. “She tamed her ways, something I never thought would happen. She acted like a real mom, for once. They lived together and seemed happy and in love. He worked, she

The Walk Back Home

The conversation I had with Barb replayed over and over again in my head the entire walk back to the little white sided, three bedroom house with the white picket fence. Phil owned it or was in the process of owning it, I knew that. He made the mortgage payment every single month. It was a nice little starter home, nothing extravagant but comfortable and I had added feminine touches over the years to make it feel like a home. A nice place for Nate to grow up in and it was.Phil and I didn’t fight. Nate was healthy and had a happy childhood. Phil and I together, co-parenting, was all that Nate had ever known. He knew I was his sister but he slipped and called me “mom” as much as he called me Rory. Neither of us ever corrected him when he did, either. As long as he was happy. It was like all three of us had accepted that this was our family, our dynamic and it was, as long as it remained safe and platonic.Phil was hard working. He was the day shift crew chief down at our local saw mill.

Need to Figure This Out

I took a few calming, deep breaths as I swung the traitorous gate back and snapped the latch into place. As I passed underneath the plantar box edge I had filled with marigolds, I glanced up into the kitchen window and locked eyes with Phil as he watched me walk past. I offered him a small smile that he did not reciprocate. His face remained void of any emotion whatsoever. Maybe he was just as freaked out about this conversation as I was.“Only one way to find out”, I thought to myself as I climbed the three small steps and grabbed the door knob, twisting it and giving the door a gentle push. With one last deep breath, I crossed the threshold and closed it behind me before calmly walking into the kitchen and taking a seat at the retro red formica table with silver metal trim.Phil was still at the window, his back turned to me and I let my gaze trail down his body appreciatively. He was of average height, around six feet tall. His muscles were solid and his figure lean, just visibly de

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