More Than Roommates のすべてのチャプター: チャプター 41 - チャプター 50

Alex~It’s the kind of day where I can feel all the things of the past stuck in my skin, the way sweat clings after a game. My mother’s voice keeps replaying in my head, cold and clipped.‘we didn’t raise you for this sort of thing’ and even though Seth had wrapped me in silence, in warmth, last night, the chill in her tone has a longer reach.I tell myself not to think about it, not here at least, when the court smells like varnished wood and the squeak of sneakers and the sharp bounce of the ball keep echoing but then it’s like telling your lungs not to breathe.Jordan is sitting beside me on the lowest bleacher, his laptop balanced on his knees, pretending to edit a footage but is mostly watching the scrimmage. “You ever notice how Seth never misses layups during practice?” he says.I shrug. “It’s kind of his job not to.”Jordan gives me a fleeting grin and seems to suddenly pick up on my mood or maybe he’s just deciding that I’m boring company today because he turns back to his la

Alex~I wake up to the sound of Seth moving around the room. It’s not unusual for him to be up before me, but usually he’s still in bed until I stir, throwing out some ridiculous comment about my hair sticking up or pretending to complain when I hog the blanket.This morning, he’s already by his dresser, pulling on a T-shirt. His voice comes over his shoulder.“Morning.”“Morning,” I mumble, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. “You’re up early.”“Yeah. Couldn’t sleep much.”There’s a pause after that. Normally this is where he’d add something dumb to make me laugh, but he just tugs the shirt down and sits to tie his sneakers.“You okay?” I ask, leaning back against the wall.“Yeah. I have just got a lot on my mind.”“Bad dream?”“No.” He ties one sneaker without looking at me. “Just… couldn’t sleep.”There is something about the way he says it that makes me not believe him, but I don’t push.I try to keep my tone light. “Wow. You sound mysterious this morning . Should I be worried?”That

Alex~The weekend is supposed to feel like a reward most especially this one.By Thursday night, I’m already mentally counting down the hours. Seth and I have been talking about it for almost two weeks. A lazy Saturday in, ordering way too much takeout, maybe watching a previous game or two. He even threw out the idea of dragging me to the courts so he can “teach” me a few moves, which we both know will end with me missing every shot and him laughing like it’s the funniest thing in the world.I wake up earlier than usual for a Saturday, which says a lot because sleeping in during the weekend is basically my religion. The dorm is quiet in that weekend way, muted sunlight spilling through the blinds and making the dust float in slow motion. I roll over, expecting to see Seth sprawled across his bed since he had slept by himself last night, but his side is empty. The blanket is tossed halfway to the floor like he had left in a hurry, and his sneakers are gone.I tell myself he probably

Alex~I get to the dorm and tell myself I am going to work. I even open the assignment tab, skim the prompt, and think about which source to start with. Then I switch to my phone, just for a second, just to check notifications before I start, and it’s over.The light from the screen glows against the sheets and I am stretched out on my stomach, elbows digging into the mattress, scrolling like it’s my only job. Half the stuff I see I don’t even register. I flick past videos of people’s pets, campus memes, clips from shows I will never watch. I hit like on posts I barely read. I am only halfway paying attention to the content, just eating the motion of it, one thumb-swipe after another, trying not to think too much.The noise in my head has been louder lately, loud and messy a sharp contrast to the way Seth has been this period, super quiet and detached. These days it feels like he is choosing each word before he says it, or maybe not choosing them at all and letting the space fill inst

Alex~The hallway feels longer than usual, the carpet muffling my steps until it’s just me and the quiet hum of the building. The light from the stairwell fades behind me, and every door I pass seems to close off another piece of the world. By the time I reach ours, I’m almost hoping Seth won’t be inside. I’m not sure what I’d say if he was whether I’d even look at him or just pretend I’d forgotten how to speak.The knob feels cool in my hand. The room is empty when I push it open. The blinds are drawn, letting in only a thin, pale slice of afternoon, and the air carries that faint, clean scent of his body wash, like he’d been here earlier and just missed me. My eyes land on his bed the crumpled hoodie at the foot of it, his pillow a little indented like he’d been lying there.I drop my bag beside the desk and stand there for a beat, caught between moving and just… standing. The quiet presses in, making my own breathing sound loud in my ears.Finally, I peel off my hoodie and sink ont