Semua Bab I Am Mustafin: Bab 21 - Bab 30

Steam billows around me as I step out of the shower, wrapping a plush white towel around my body. These long, hot showers have become my sole refuge, a small relief from my mounting stress. While I'm acutely aware that my situation could be far worse, I often find myself wishing for a more effective relief. Simultaneously, a nagging voice in my head questions if I'm being ungrateful.Maybe I am lucky, all things considered, to have ended up here. It’s hard to really wrap my head around the possible “pros” to my situation, given the circumstances. But ultimately, at least I can say that I am alive. And that’s more than I can say for a lot of people… such as my parents.A soft sigh escapes my lips as I retrieve the brush from the bathroom counter. I slowly work it through my hair, watching droplets cascade from the ends of my wet curls. My hands, shoulders, and cheeks are flushed a bright red—a testament to the scalding shower I've just taken.I

As night falls, Efrem remains conspicuously absent. Not that I'm particularly worried—none of the Ringleaders have been seen since morning. And with no one to rein us in, Amara, Christana, Nana, Sophia, and I linger poolside, steadily depleting the minibar's stock.Well, they do. Somewhere between lunch and dinner, I sensed an impending blackout and scaled back my intake. Not that it helps much—I'm still decidedly buzzed. These women, however, can drink like it's their job.Around noon, Amara had summoned a guard to bring us lunch, repeating the process a couple of hours ago for dinner. It's surprising how utterly normal they seem—for the most part. I'd always imagined them as stuck-up or downright bitchy. But I have to admit, they're not so bad.Amara is especially welcoming. She even offered Alek a drink, which he refused, of course. I'm not sure if he's just taking his job very seriously or if any guard in his position would have declined.Guess I'll have to find out eventually...

As I sit here, sipping orange juice from my glass, I find myself grateful for small mercies—namely, the absence of a hangover. It's 2 PM, and I've only managed to drag myself out of bed and down to the dining table about 30 minutes ago.It's Sunday, and I know better than to expect Efrem's company. He always seems too consumed by work in his office or time at the gym to do much else. I assume he eats in his office out of convenience.Who would want to live like that?Although any other day I'd have been perfectly content without his presence, I find myself almost... missing him. Or maybe I'm trying to convince myself that I miss him because there are so many questions I'd like to ask. But then, there's that other matter.Little Bea.I'm not sure what I desire from him, but I know that the thought of having him stirs something inside me—something I'm not sure I want to feel. I'm not sure how I want him, but the most frustrating part is that I like the way his touch feels—a feeling I've

I like to think I handle things fairly well. When you've lived a life like mine, you'd imagine few things could truly faze you. And while it's true that I've come to appreciate my ability to respond adequately under hostility, I don't think anything could've prepared me for what I learned tonight.With one arm bent under the pillow, I lay on my side over the bedsheets, watching the bathroom door as I wait for Efrem to emerge from the shower. The lingering effects of the drug keep my mind hazy, time seeming to pass in a blur.But I don’t want it to stop. I don't want to sleep. I don't want a clear head. I want to ride out the haze for as long as I can, because I'm afraid that when I finally do sober up, I won't have a choice but to confront the reality: I am here out of charity.The click of the doorknob jolts me from my thoughts. Efrem steps out, clad in a white tank top, and gray sweats. He glances at me briefly, moving nonchalantly to the dresser.“Can't sleep?” he asks, his voice l

Thunder cracks overhead, a fitting backdrop to the storm warring inside me. I perch precariously on the balcony railing, my legs dangling over the edge. Raindrops cling to my skin like broken promises, each one a cold reminder of my reality.I am wrong.The thought echoes through my mind, a mantra of self-doubt and bitter realization.My assumptions about them weren’t unfair. They never deserved the benefit of the doubt.A humorless laugh escapes my lips, barely audible over the brewing storm.They haven't earned a damn thing...The wind whips around me, and for a moment, I let myself imagine it carrying me away. Somewhere far from here, far from all of this. Or maybe...Maybe if I was one of them this would make sense.“Alaki.”Efrem's voice cuts through my reverie, sending a shiver down my spine that has nothing to do with the cold. I take a shaky breath, unable to face him. I look down, contemplating what I dare not voice.You can't jump. You'll probably survive for the worst.“Why