All Chapters of I Am Mustafin: Chapter 41 - Chapter 50

70 Chapters

| 41 | The Binding Oath

The crisp winter air bites at my cheeks as I stand outside, arms crossed tightly over my chest in a futile attempt to ward off the cold. My breath clouds before me, a visible evidence of the biting chill that numbs my nose and face. Despite the warmth of my thick white sweater, gloves, and sturdy boots, the thin fabric of my jeans does little to shield me from the unforgiving breeze.I really wish Efrem didn’t feel the need to be so damn cryptic all the time.I shift my weight from foot to foot, thinking to myself.His words echo in my mind: “Page 12”. I know I didn’t mishear him, yet the meaning remains elusive. For two grueling days, I’ve pored over page 12 of the Book of Law, reading and re-reading until the words blurred before my eyes. The frustration of being unable to ask for clarification gnaws at me. Efrem had vanished that afternoon, only to return this morning with a curt instruction to “get ready” and wait by the front door before disappearing again.And so here I am, obed

| 42 | Moments of Vulnerability

I eye myself in the mirror, my gaze lingering on the loose curls of my hair before shifting to my blue irises.I feel different. Not the same different that I felt after he took me, but I almost feel as though I’m... more. I’m not just the half-blood Alaki that was taken ownership of by him. I’m...I don’t know...Yet, somehow, it’s all the same.I was never prepared to marry, let alone marry Efrem Mustafin. However, the moment we walked out of that courthouse, a million thoughts raced through my mind, specifically: things will be different.They aren’t.It’s been a week since, and he hasn’t said a word to me. In fact, I haven’t seen him since, save for watching him go into his office this morning.I want nothing more than to barge in and demand answers, regardless of how he may feel about it. I want to know... am I really his wife? Or is this just another way of him ensuring my safety? Why did he go through the trouble if I’ve been perfectly safe thus far?I’m done waiting for him to

| 43 | Love and Duty

Still lying atop of me, Efrem lifts from me just enough for his gaze to capture my own. His eyes study me intently as I wait with anticipation for him to explain what he means by ‘game’.“I’m going to take your sweet clit between my lips, and I’m going to taste you, over and over until you’re at the brink of coming for me.” His husky voice sends a string of chills down my spine, feeling myself grow wetter by the second.With uneven breaths, I whisper, “What are the rules?”He smirks mischievously, my breath catching in my lungs as he suddenly pinches my nipple. My gasp, sharp and involuntary, only serves to satisfy him. I bring my hand to his wrist, briefly touching the back of his hand. The glint in his eyes give it away, and before he can say anything, I reluctantly move my hand away from him. I plant them on either sides of me, taking the fabric of my leggings in my hands and balling it into my fists.“Good girl,” he mutters with conviction.This is torture...In the next moment, h

| 44 | Silent Scream

They say the mind is a powerful tool. With the right mindset, you can overcome almost anything. If only it were as easy to put into practice as it is to understand in theory. My greatest psychological feat? Being able to lose myself in thought during a walk, ignoring the freezing temperatures of what might be the coldest winter I’ve ever known.As I stroll through the surprisingly beautiful garden at the estate’s edge, the cold nipping at my nose fades into the background. Tavin walks closely behind me as I hug myself, my gaze fixed on my white boots traversing the intricate pathway. Snuggling deeper into my jacket and beanie, I catch myself, once again, comparing my old life to the weight of my new one.It’s been almost two weeks since I married the Mustafin Ringleader... Everyone probably knows by now.Despite my mixed feelings, I know I made the right choice—the best choice I could have. Yet I’m ashamed, knowing this reflects poorly on him. I didn’t choose to be born this way or to

| 45 | Darkest Hour

Content Advisory: This chapter contains graphic violence, including physical assault. Reader discretion is strongly advised. The distant pitter-patter of water droplets mingles with the scent of iron, pulling me from unconsciousness. I draw a deep breath, my eyes flickering open. A groan escapes me as the pounding in my head intensifies, and I furrow my brows at the concrete floor beneath my feet.Where am I?Disoriented, I try to lift my hands to my face, to push back my hair.But I can’t.What the hell?Metal clinks as I straighten in my seat and tilt my head back. I inhale sharply at the sight of my wrists locked in shackles, the chains bolted to the ceiling.What’s going on?!My heart pounds as I attempt to stand, only to find my ankles similarly restrained. The brush of my hair against bare skin draws my attention to the cool air on my back—my shirt and bra torn away. With uneven breaths, I take in my surroundings.A dim yellow light cascades from the silver-paneled ceiling, ill

| 46 | A Prison of Pain

Regret is a terrible thing.I used to believe I’d never do something so awful that I’d spend the rest of my life regretting it. But that’s not true. As much as I wish it were, it never will be.My single greatest regret is having gone for that walk.You don’t realize how good it feels to not be in pain until pain is all you feel. Yet despite the anesthetics numbing my back and the heavy burn on my chest, it’s not enough.I don’t want to feel anything at all.After Doctor Selik pumped me full of drugs, I’m grateful that all I can feel are the heavy bandages wrapped around me like a second skin. They cover my chest, encase my breasts and rib cage, all the way down to my waist—as though they’re holding me together as I lay on my side in Efrem’s bed.I stopped counting the hours the moment I was kidnapped, and I’ve kept my eyes closed despite being awake for what feels like days.I don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t want to see anyone. I keep hoping that if I hold my eyes closed long e

| 47 | Pills and Promises

I sit cross-legged on the neatly made bed, wrapped in a fuzzy black blanket and snuggled into a knitted lavender sweater. A soft sigh escapes me as I hold out my hand for Efrem, accepting the pills he’s given me every six hours, on the dot, for the past week.Despite his phone ringing incessantly, he hasn’t left my bedside since he saved me from my captors. I can’t help but wonder if this is what his typical workday has always been like.He’s a very busy man...I try to ignore my growing irritation at the tenth buzz within the past 30 seconds as I swallow the pills and sip water.“What is it now?” Efrem speaks tersely into his phone.Between the constant calls and messages, we’ve barely exchanged two words. I’m almost afraid to make a sound, especially after he handed me wireless earbuds to listen to what usually plays on the speakers of the wall-mounted TV. Even so, I refrained from even turning it on, not wanting to distract him from his work.Instead, I’ve buried myself in books an

| 48 | Healing Scars

My gaze flickers up, briefly meeting Efrem’s eyes as he stands a few feet away. His arms are crossed, his features softening as he watches me hold my undone bra against my chest.“She’s healing perfectly,” Doctor Selik says, his voice steady and reassuring as he removes the last of the stitches from my back.It’s a relief. I don’t know how much longer I can take being treated like an invalid.I inhale sharply as Doctor Selik applies a cool gel-like substance over my healing scars, my skin erupting in goosebumps.A warning would’ve been nice.“All done!” he says enthusiastically. “Let’s take a look at that burn now.”I turn my head slowly, giving clear access to the exposed scar on my chest as he moves in front of me. I avoid eye contact, distracting myself by looking at the removed sutures on the coffee table.He clicks his tongue and brings his hand to my chest. I can barely feel his touch as he applies the same gel with a wooden applicator.Why can’t I feel it?“Everything looks goo

| 49 | To Protect My Innocence

The world around me seems to fade away as I stare at the now cold food on my plate. Despite the emptiness inside me, the longer I look, the less appealing it becomes.I glance at Efrem from the corner of my eye. He hasn’t stopped watching me since we sat down for dinner. Somehow, it doesn’t bother me. In fact, I hardly notice it, just as I barely register the silence that once seemed deafening.After storming out of the living room earlier, I’d retreated to the bedroom until Matvey informed me that Deonta’e and Amara had left. Now it’s just Efrem and me at the dinner table. Part of me wishes they had stayed, if only so he’d have someone else to talk to instead of scrutinizing me.I need to eat... he’ll worry if I don’t.Reluctantly, I reach for my fork. I poke at the mashed potatoes, taking a bite-sized taste. It only confirms my fear: if I force myself to eat, I may very well vomit.What I would’ve done for food once...Shame washes over me as I battle to keep trying, only to silentl

| 50 | Crumbling Walls

Terror grips me, its icy fingers wrapped around my heart. Each ragged breath I take sends waves of pain through my back, matching the frantic rhythm of my heart. The familiar ache in my shoulders and the cold bite of shackles on my wrists remind me of my helplessness.“No!” The scream tears from my throat, raw and desperate, as my eyes lock onto Roman.He stands mere feet away, a blowtorch in hand and a cruel smirk twisting his features. The heat from the flame grows more intense as he approaches, and suddenly, agony explodes across my chest. I cry out, my body convulsing as the pain spreads like wildfire.“Alaki.”The voice is distant, barely audible over my own screams as I writhe in a pool of sweat.“Alaki!”A gentle hand grasps my arm, shaking me. My eyes snap open, vision blurry with tears and remnants of the nightmare. The dim light of the room assaults my senses, making me squint as I bolt upright.My heart pounds so hard I can feel it in my throat. Each breath is a struggle, m

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