I Am Mustafin의 모든 챕터: 챕터 31 - 챕터 40

For someone who feels shame as acutely as I do, this may very well be the worst thing that could have happened to me. I made a fool of myself, and now I can't bring myself to look Efrem in the eye.The events of that day, a month ago, play on an endless loop in my mind.Despite the devastation I felt after experiencing only the second panic attack in my life, I wasn't locked in a cell. Instead, Efrem carried me to my bedroom and locked it from the outside.But even if I'd had a choice, I doubt I would have left it.I didn't want to be seen. I didn't want to be spoken to.Tavin brought me three meals a day until my punishment ended and I was allowed out again. Then, even when I wanted to stay in my room, I had to go downstairs if I wanted to eat. Thankfully, I never ran into Efrem. I assumed he was too busy to leave his office—a small mercy I was grateful for.My anxiety has been at an all-time high, but the edibles in my nightstand rem

I'm speechless.The woman staring back at me in the mirror is a stranger. Classic acrylic white French tips make my hands unrecognizable, and the lovely fragrance behind my ears seems to overpower my natural scent entirely. Between the makeup highlighting my features and the beautiful baby blue dress hugging my waist, I almost forget who I am.Almost.The 1-inch scarred "X" on my chest is an indelible reminder of what I am.Nonetheless, I can't deny that I look beautiful. I felt uneasy when Efrem walked into my bedroom this morning, introducing the team that would transform me into this… vision.Miss Dorothy really outdid herself...It's a nice touch—the off-the-shoulder sleeves made of the same blue tulle and lace that cascades from the end of the floral lace bodice. There's a sense of rightness creeping into my chest, a feeling of belonging, as if I was born to wear this dress.The sound

After last night’s debacle, I’d have given anything to avoid leaving my room today. Unfortunately, last night doesn’t count as one of the two days the Ringleaders and their wives intend to be here.Thankfully, the subject of the events that transpired no more than twelve hours ago have been avoided thus far as I sit with Nana, Christana, Sophia, and Amara in the living room. A large pitcher of eggnog and a can of whipped cream rest on the coffee table before us. I sit on one of the couches with my knees bent into my chest, sipping the sweet alcoholic beverage from a mug nestled between my thighs and belly.Much like the last time I spent the day with them, I only speak when spoken to. However, unlike before, I’m almost entirely absent-minded.I feel numb, exhausted, and overexerted.While I slept just fine, one night isn’t enough to emotionally, mentally, or even physically recover from last night’s ordeal. The bruise on my cheek aches occasionally, and unwelcome memories creep into m

My gaze is fixated on the clock on my nightstand as it reads ′12:30AM’, a soft sigh escaping my lips as it flickers, another minute passing.I’m comfortable under the comforter of my bed, my feet warm in fuzzy socks. It’s the perfect recipe for a good night’s sleep, yet I find myself tossing and turning again for the fifth night in a row.It’s not that I’m not content with the comfort of my bed or that I’m not exhausted. It’s that I haven’t been able to get past the things that happened nearly a week ago. Most of all, I haven’t been able to put Amara’s words out of my head.I’m frustrated, and I’m tired.I’m frustrated because despite knowing more than I did when I first arrived here, I still feel so in the dark and blind. I’m frustrated because deep down, the things weighing heavy in my mind keep piling up and they won’t stop.And I’m tired because of me.I am tired of me.There are moments when I’m grateful for all that I have. There are moments when I realize that I’m not as unluck

Is it possible to become an entirely different person overnight?Logically, I know I’m not different—not as different as I feel, anyway.I never got the chance to think about what I’d do today. Last night, all I could think about was uncovering the truth, then dying, then... well, everything else that happened. The next hour will be a journey—a journey to figuring out what the hell I’m going to do or say to him.My head rests on Efrem’s muscular shoulder, the man responsible for my revelation. Carefully, I tilt my head back to look at his face.His eyes are closed.His head is turned to the side, one arm bent over his relaxed abdomen, the other behind me. My elbow just barely touches his fingertips, my arm resting on top of him, my hand on his chest.He’s asleep.My heart softens, my eyes taking in his peaceful features.He looks so... vulnerable.I’ve watched people sleep before. Not in a creepy way, but in an ′I’ve got your back′ way. This is different. I’m mesmerized by him, seeing