All Chapters of DON'T BEG ME NOW, MR. ARMSTRONG : Chapter 111 - Chapter 118

118 Chapters

110

~~Joan~~By the time we got back to the house, it was well past midnight.The entire drive from the airport had passed in near silence, and even though Brandon never once pressured me to speak, I could still feel his eyes on me every now and then, like he was trying to make sure I hadn't disappeared into my own head completely. I appreciated it more than I wanted to admit. At the same time, it made something ache painfully in my chest because I didn't know what to do with this kind of care anymore. I didn't know how to accept it without waiting for the moment it would be taken away from me.The car barely rolled to a stop before I was reaching for the handle.I needed to see Kai.Not tomorrow morning.Not after resting.Now.The front door opened before I could even knock properly, and Victor stood there in a dark robe, leaning slightly heavier than usual against his cane. The porch light cast shadows against his face, making him look older than he had when we'd left for Miami, and fo

111

~~Brandon~~I woke up to silence.For a few seconds, I didn't remember where I was or why my neck hurt like hell, but then my gaze landed on the couch across from me, and everything from last night came rushing back at once.Joan was still asleep.Morning light spilled softly through the large windows, painting pale gold across the blanket draped over her. At some point during the night, she'd curled tighter into herself, one arm tucked beneath her cheek while the other rested loosely against the blanket near her stomach. Her hair was slightly messy from sleep, and even from where I sat, I could still see the faint traces of dried tears beneath her eyes.Something tightened painfully in my chest.I'd never seen her like that before.Not truly.Sure, I'd seen her upset. Seen her stressed. Seen her angry, embarrassed, overwhelmed, awkward, even flustered. But last night had been something entirely different. It hadn't just been fear. It had looked like years of exhaustion finally collap

112

By late morning, the house had become too quiet.Not peaceful quiet.Heavy quiet.The kind that sat on my chest and made breathing feel like work.Victor had left for a doctor's appointment over an hour ago after asking me twice if I was sure I didn't want to come with him, and both times I'd told him no. Kai was in the living room building what looked like a dinosaur city with blocks and toy cars while some cartoon played softly in the background, and Brandon had stepped out earlier after receiving a call from work. That left me alone with my thoughts, which was honestly beginning to feel like the worst possible company.The lawyer meeting from yesterday still replayed in my head in fragments.Custody.Household assessment.Dean came prepared.Every time I thought about it too long, something cold settled inside my stomach.I tried distracting myself with work emails, but my attention span barely lasted three minutes before my mind wandered somewhere ugly again. Then I tried cleaning

113

The house felt different after Joan got upset with me.I noticed it immediately.Not because she yelled or slammed doors or made some dramatic scene out of it. Honestly, I thought I would've preferred that. At least then I'd know where I stood with her. Instead, she became quiet in a way that unsettled me deeply. She moved around my house politely, spoke when necessary, answered questions when asked, but every interaction felt measured, like she was carefully deciding how much of herself she was willing to give me now.And the answer seemed to be: not much.Kai had fallen asleep almost an hour ago after forcing me to listen to an extremely serious explanation about which dinosaurs would survive a volcano eruption and which wouldn't. I'd tucked him into bed while Joan stayed downstairs claiming she wanted tea, though I had a feeling she mostly just wanted distance from me.Now I stood by the kitchen entrance watching her quietly.She sat at the island wearing one of the oversized sweat

114

~~Joan~~Sleep avoided me that night.Every time I closed my eyes, I either saw Victor admitting he'd been the one sending me anonymous messages during my marriage, or Brandon standing in the kitchen quietly telling me he was scared I'd pull away from him if I found out he'd known. The worst part was that neither memory made me as angry as they should have. Hurt, yes. Betrayed, definitely. But anger required distance, and somehow both men had rooted themselves too deeply into my life for me to stay properly angry at either of them.Especially Brandon.Which was exactly the problem.I stared at the ceiling from my spot on the bed while Kai slept beside me, starfished across the mattress with one sock half hanging off his foot and his stuffed dinosaur tucked beneath his chin. Soft morning light had started leaking into the room already, painting pale gold across the walls, and I realized I'd spent most of the night thinking.Thinking about Brandon.Thinking about how easily he'd become

115

~~Brandon's POV~~The silence in the house felt wrong.I realized it the second I opened my eyes.For a few disoriented moments, I lay there staring at the ceiling, waiting for the familiar sounds that had somehow become part of my routine without me noticing. Kai’s small feet pounding through the hallway. Joan downstairs making coffee before work because apparently functioning without caffeine was impossible for her. The soft hum of the television because Kai somehow always woke up before everyone else and immediately wanted cartoons. Even the occasional sound of Joan muttering under her breath when she realized he’d made a mess somewhere.Nothing came.The house stayed quiet.Too quiet.And that was when it hit me again.They were gone.I scrubbed a hand over my face and sat up slowly, exhaling hard through my nose as the emptiness settled heavier in my chest than it had the night before. I’d spent so long getting used to sharing my space with them that the sudden absence of them fe

116

I stood outside Joan’s apartment for longer than I should have after she whispered yes.The word kept replaying in my head even after the door shut softly in front of me. It hadn’t sounded firm. It hadn’t sounded certain either. If anything, it sounded like she’d forced herself to say it because she thought it was the answer she was supposed to give. But it was still a yes. She’d looked away when she said it too, like she couldn’t bear to watch my reaction, and somehow that made the tight feeling in my chest worse.For a second, I genuinely considered knocking again.I almost did it.Almost told her that I wasn’t asking because I wanted reassurance for my ego or because I couldn’t take rejection. I’d asked because I needed to know whether she actually wanted me gone or if she was simply doing what she always did whenever she got hurt: pushing everyone away before they could disappoint her further.But in the end, I stayed where I was.Then I left.The hallway outside her apartment was

117

I hadn't slept properly in days.At first, I thought it was because of the hearing. Then I thought maybe it was because Kai and I were still trying to settle into the new apartment, because the unfamiliar silence at night felt wrong after spending so long in Brandon's house, where there was always movement somewhere. Victor coughing in the study. Brandon walking downstairs for water at midnight. Kai sneaking into my bed after a nightmare. Even Caleb dropping by unannounced and arguing with Brandon over something stupid. The silence here felt too complete. Too careful. Like the apartment itself was afraid to breathe too loudly.But by the seventh day, I realized sleep wasn't avoiding me because of the hearing.It was because I was scared.Scared of court.Scared of Dean.Scared of losing Kai.And maybe, if I was being honest with myself, scared that I'd ruined the only good thing that had happened to me in years when I'd pushed Brandon away.The thought alone made my chest tighten, so

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