Alle Kapitel von Not bound by honey: Kapitel 21 – Kapitel 30

I will admit that that night between Jason and me all those years ago has come to my mind more often than I would have ever imagined it would. He tried to warn me, but like most of us, I honestly thought I could handle it. And I did, in a way, but I never realized how much it would linger. Your first cut is truly the deepest, if you know what I mean. It leaves marks you don’t see, and feelings you can’t quite shake. Jason truly took me by surprise. I thought it was going to be like a tutorial, more talking than anything else, a practice here and there, and then I would let him do most of the work. I thought he would be easy on me, gentle. However, it may not have been a tutorial per se, but he had rules, more like terms and conditions, that I had to understand before anything happened. After he pulled away from our kiss, my eyes were still closed. Jason’s then placed his hands firm on my shoulders, as if he thought that would make me take him seriously. “Rach, listen caref

The sun started to rise and Jase and I were still in the same position. I had nothing on just still wrapped in the sheet. I stirred a little but did not want to wake him. I lay there for a while but needed to move before my body broke. As I turned around I saw he was awake too. I wonder how long he had been waiting. I moved my body completely so I can face him. He placed a kiss on my mouth, slow and deliberate, before shifting to get out of bed, but I hooked my legs around him, pulling him back against me. “Don’t go,” I whispered, breath still uneven. “Teach me one more round.” He went still. For a moment he just looked down at me, something shifting behind his eyes. Not playful. Not soft. “You really want that?” he asked quietly. “Jason,” I insisted softly, but there was steel in it, “you promised.” That was all it took. “Oh, I promised?” he said, voice dropping lower. He rolled steadier between my legs and in one swift motion, caging me beneath him and without a warning th

It had been two years of hard work on our documentary. I went on a few backpacking trips with friends I had made along the way. The two men did their own things too. Jason completely fell off the wagon. It felt like a new woman stepped out of his room every morning. He was still kind to me, but distant. I kept wondering if that distance had anything to do with what happened between us. The shift in him had been almost immediate after the reunion. Chris and I never progressed into anything more, even though I found myself loving him more each day, if that was even possible. I did meet someone who distracted me for a while. A handsome waiter at my favourite coffee shop. He always added extra froth to my latte. We went on a few dates. We kissed here and there. I started wondering if I should let it go further, but what was the point? We were leaving in a few days. On our last day we split the team. Jason went into the city to get a few final shots while Chris and I stayed back at th

I turned my head slowly to look at him. “What does that mean?” Jason stayed on his back, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “It means the rules may be the same but its not that simple anymore.” “It is simple.” “Is it?” “Yes.” He let out a quiet breath that almost sounded like a laugh. “You are lying.” “I am not.” “You are.” He finally turned his head toward me. “Or you have not been living this life with me for the past three years.” “That does not even make sense.” “It does. You are convincing yourself that this is manageable, and then you live inside it like it does not cost us anything.” I swallowed. “It does not cost me anything.” “Rachel.” The way he said my name made my chest tighten. “You think I don’t see it?” he continued. “The way you freeze when I touch you. The way you focus on the rules. I am living in a constant shadow of the line we drew all those years ago.” “I am trying to be careful.” “Exactly and I get that but I have brought my side, I have kept to our agree

Chris had to tie up a documentary in Amsterdam. I wished he had asked me to go with him, especially with what had happened between us the previous night, but he still felt that we had to maintain the integrity of the documentary. So I stayed behind and decided to finish packing up the studio. Jason was, for some reason, on my mind the whole morning. I kind of hoped he would stop by and wondered what his thoughts would be if I said yes to Chris. Something told me to stop what I was doing and go look for him. Luckily, our village was small and, to my knowledge, he kept close. With my broken Italian, I asked around here and there and finally got to a lady who kept saying, “Yes, yes, American gigolo, I show you.” She waved her hands profusely and repeated, “Come, come, I show you.” I couldn’t help but smile at the thought that even amongst our little village, his reputation was known. The road was familiar. It was actually on the same road that led to his place. I almost told her tha