“I wanted to ask about the syllabus,” I say, which is a lie so transparent that we both know it’s a lie but the fiction of it gives us both something to stand on.He doesn’t look up.His pen continues its path across the paper and I stand in his doorway feeling entirely out of my depth, and the silence between us is different from the silence in the classroom – like the air in the room has thickened around the fact that we’re alone and the door is open and his cologne smells like woodsmoke and something darker that I can feel settling into my clothes the longer I stand here.“The syllabus is on the course portal, Ms. Cross. Is there anything else?”His voice is even and professional and completely devoid of anything I could point to as inappropriate, and that’s what makes it so devastating – the total control, the refusal to give me anything to react to, the way he keeps his eyes on his papers like I’m not worth the effort of looking up, which makes me want to do something so drastic
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