My Donor

Amaija

I walk out of my meeting feeling nauseous. This is the third time I’ve felt like this in a week. I feel my forehead to check for a fever, but it isn’t warm. I take two more steps before I sway to the side. I grab the glass wall beside me, steadying myself.

“Are you alright, Ms. Klein?” Amy, my assistant, asks.

“I’m fine, just a bit nauseous.”

“Nauseous? Was it the food? Should I...” Amy sounded very concerned. I laugh.

“I’ve been raised in Japanese food, my mother has an unhealthy obsession with the culture, so I doubt it’s that,” I reply.

“If it were any other woman, I would think pregnancy was possible, but you’re so focused on launching this game I....”

“Pregnant?” I pause.

The word hits me like a bucket of ice-cold water. I close my eyes swallowing hard as I try to figure out the date of my last period. The last time was the week after Xoi's birthday...which was two months ago. My heart echos in my body. Pregnant? I’m not ready; I just launched a new game, I’m constantly traveling, and Xoi is barely 21. Xoi, how would he take the news? We’ve been playing house for two years, and I love him, I do, but I'm sure he's not ready for kids.

“No? No, I can’t be pregnant, I can’t,” I panic. I start pacing back and forth.

“Are you sure you're okay?” Amy asks.

“I'm not pregnant.”

*****

“おめでとうございます、あなたは妊娠6週間です (Congratulations, you're six weeks pregnant),” exclaims Dr. Sun.

My stomach sinks. I'm pregnant. She's asking me questions, but all I can think about is what I should do. My phone suddenly rings, pulling me from my thoughts. I look at the caller ID; it's Jaden. I press the answer button immediately.

“Hi, my beautiful sister, how's Japan?” Jaden gleefully asks.

“Jaden. I'm pregnant.”The line goes silent.

“Jaden...”

“Con..grats?” he’s undoubtedly unsure of what to say.

“Oni Chan (big brother), this is not the time to be shady; I need my older brother.” I plead with him.

“I’m sorry, Imoto (baby sis), but I don’t know how to react. Are you happy?” he replies.

“I’m...” I should be strong and put on a brave face, but this is my only brother, after all. “I’m dread...”

“(赤ちゃんの鼓動を聞きたいですか？ (Would you like to hear your baby’s heartbeat?).” Dr. Sun interrupts our conversation. Did I want to hear the baby’s heartbeat? Wouldn’t that be too real? That would make it too real. I’m not ready for reality.

I’m about to shake my head no when Jaden speaks. “Go ahead, listen to your baby’s heartbeat.”

“It makes it so... real,” I whisper, nerves on edge. I am perplexed about everything that is happening.

“You’re already pregnant, Imoto; it can’t get any more real than that.”I sigh, knowing he’s right.

“Stay with me?” I tell him.

“Even in death, I would be with you,” my brother declares.

“Morbid much?” I tease him.

He laughs as I climb on the table and lift my shirt, eyes closed, hands gripping the phone, and my heart slamming in my chest. I wait for the doctor to perform the ultrasound.

“I am my mother’s son.” 

“That is very true,” 

I feel her putting the gel on my stomach a minute later; it feels cold to the touch. Immediately proceeding with the gel is the ultrasound machine. She spreads it all over my stomach in search of the baby’s heartbeat.

“It feels weird,” I say, eyes still tightly shut.

“It should,” Jaden, still on the other line.

“Should it? Are you an ultrasound expert?” I tease him again. He chuckles, which relaxes me a bit, and I realize I’ve been tensed the entire time she’s had the machine on my stomach.

“I googled; it says first time is always weird for new moms,” he continues.

“Mom. I can’t believe I’m going to be a mother.”

“You’ll be a great one; you have the best example,” Jaden proclaims.

Amused by him, I say, “You never miss a chance to praise mom shamelessly.”

“Well, I am a momma’s boy,” he answers.

I laugh when the sound of the heartbeat comes on the monitor. Loud and strong, my eyes shoot open as I listen to the vigorous pounding, that’s my baby. It’s finally hit me; I’m having a baby, who I have to love and protect. A wave of emotions washes over me, anxiety, fear, dread but most importantly, joy. I’m having a baby with the man I love, so what if I didn’t plan it? Some of the best gifts are unplanned.

“That’s my niece or nephew,” Jaden exclaims. “Yeah,” I whisper.

“They’ll be perfect, so...who’s the father?” he asks, ruining my emotional moment. I wipe the tears that had rolled down my face.

“Jaden...”

I sigh, pulling down my shirt and walking out of the office after thanking the doctor and receiving her notes. Jaden is not a fan of Xoi; he thinks he’s lazy and using me. He doesn’t understand that building an online gaming audience is lucrative in today’s world. People make millions on YouTube, yeah, Xoi might not be there right now, but he will be one day. I believe in him.

“Please tell me you got drunk at a bar, and the father is a stranger.”

“No, my hoe days passed in college,” I tell him.

“Unfortunate...so it’s definitely Xoi, he’s going to be in our lives forever?” he sounds pretty hopeless.

“Oni Chan, I need your support.”

He sighs.

“Okay, fine, I’ll support you; I haven’t killed him in two years; what’s sixty-five more?” he says.

I laugh.

“Thanks for always making me laugh,” I sincerely tell him.

“That’s my job, Imoto.”

I smile, thankful I had him to lean on.

“So, have you told your baby daddy?” he inquires after a while.

“He’s not my baby daddy; he’s the father of my child.”

“Same thing, have you told him?” Jaden, repeating his question.

“No, I just found out,” I honestly tell him.

“Can you not?” he asks.

“Jaden, I’m hanging up now,” I tell him instead of answering.

“Okay, okay, I love you, Imoto. Call me if you need anything.”

“I will love you too, Oni Chan. Oh, and don’t tell mom and dad, I want to break the news to them myself.”

He gasps. I sigh; he’s so dramatic.

“I can’t keep secrets from my mother,” he retorts.

“Did you tell her that you were the one who broke the window in the sunroom when you were 15 because you snuck out on a date?” I reply, threatening him with a decade-old childhood memory.

“Now that I think about it, it would be best coming from you...” Jaden answers. I laugh.

“Right...you can tell Brin if you must tell someone,” I tell him.

“Great! Brin will be so excited, well, until she finds out Xoi is the father.” He really can’t get over the fact that Xoi is the father of my baby.

I do not reply anymore. “Bye!”

I quickly hung up the phone, annoyed. They will have to get used to Xoi; he isn’t going anywhere. I sigh as I walk out of the doctor’s office, making the short trip to my town car, and nod to Peter, my driver, before getting in the car. Once I’m in the car, I breathe. I’m going to be a mother. I should tell Xoi; I grab my phone but quickly put it down. This wasn’t the news you shared over the phone.

“I’m going to be a mommy,” I say out loud, needing to hear how it sounded. Pretty good; I smile, rubbing my stomach for the first time. My heart feels warm and fuzzy as I think about holding my baby in my arms for the first time. I’m looking forward to meeting you, my sweet, sweet akachan (baby). I smile fondly, recalling the nickname mom called me until I was 15. I hope I’ll be half the mother mom was. “Baby, I’ll try my best.” Without another thought, I start talking to my stomach.

“Hi baby, Momma has to level with you. You weren’t planned, and I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’ll do my best. Plus, I have the best mom in the world, so she’ll help me to… but anyway, don’t ever tell her I said she’s the best mom; she’s already a narcissist.”

I chuckle, rubbing my stomach until I drift off to sleep.

----------

I walk to the door of my penthouse nervously; I’m about to tell Xoi that we’re about to be parents. I’m nervous to see his reaction; looking at the bear in my hands, I inhale and exhale, trying to steady my pounding heart.

“Okay, buddy, you’re up.” It wasn’t much, but it was the only thing I found at the airport since I rushed back to tell him the news. “Don’t look at me like that football; you have to tell him.”

I chuckle to myself as I search my purse for the keys. Once I locate them, I quickly open the door as nerves take over. I drop my bags on the floor then walk to our bedroom; he’s lying in bed sleeping. I can make out the outline of his face from the moonlight coming through the window. I sit beside him and kiss him gently on the lips.

“Babe..,” I whisper, rocking him gently before kissing him on the neck.

“Babe,” I whisper again; this time, he wakes up. He’s disoriented initially, but then he smiles.

“My heart,” he says.

I turn on the lamp beside the bed to get a better look at his face: my man, the father of my child. We share a passionate kiss before reluctantly pulling away.

“I love you,” I tell him.

“I love you too.”

I smile as he sits up.

“How did your live streams go?” I ask him.

“Good, I had a hundred thousand views today...wait, why are you back already? I thought you were back next week,” he asks, wondering.

“What, you’re not happy to see me?” I pout.

“Of course I am. You’re my heart, babe. I love you.”I smile. He started calling me that after meeting my parents and their obnoxious love for each other. Dad calls Mom ‘My love,’ and she calls him ‘Hanibanchi’ (honey bunches). After hearing dad calling Mom ‘my love,’ Xoi started calling me ‘my heart.’ It doesn’t make me smile like Mom does when dad says ‘my love,’ but it gives me a warm feeling. However, I shouldn't compare my relationship to my parents since; those two are obsessed with each other.

“I have some news,” I begin.

“News? Good or Bad?”

I answer him, “Well, it depends. It’s either it’s good, and I kiss you, or I cut you.”

He laughs, wraps his hands around me, and pulls me into the bed, on top of him.

“So violent,” he retorts.

I smile, snuggling into him.

“Okay, now that we’re nice and comfortable, tell me what it is,” he continues.

“Ahh...” I don’t know what to say. Then, remembering the bear in my right hand, I shove it on his face. He grabs the bear and looks at it, confused.

“Number one, dad?” he asks; confusion is shown all over his face.

“Congratulations, you’re going to be a dad!” I shout, rolling off him to the other side of the bed. I stuff my face into the pillow awaiting his reaction.

“You’re pregnant?!”

I slowly lift my head and nod; he grins. “Oh my god, we’re having a baby!” He jumps out of bed and starts to dance as I sit up.

“You’re truly okay with this?” I ask, surprised by his reaction.

He stops dancing then walks over to me.

“Of course I am; you’re my heart; the baby is something we created.” He smiles as he leans in and kisses my lips; when we pull apart, I laugh. The uncertainty is gone; I now feel nothing but pure joy.

“We’re having a baby!” I jump to my feet on the bed; he pulls me into his arms, swinging around: “We’re having a baby!!!!”