Afraid to Love Again

I clasp the locket in the palm of my hand and take a deep cleansing breath. The dancers, young women whom I've grown attached to over these past three weeks of endless training, practicing, and obsessing in readying ourselves for this very day, glide elegantly over the wooden floors, masses of grace and beauty. I watch and hope that I'll be just as confident when I take the floor. I approach my coach, mentor, and dance partner of six years, Eli Jones, and try to cover up my trembling hands with the wrap I’m holding.I don’t know why I’m so nervous.Dancing is like walking to me. I’ve done it ever since I was old enough to put one foot in front of the other. It’s been an outlet for me through the lonely nights of middle school and the stressful exam-filled days of high school, and especially through my four years at Julliard. It’s been my relief from everyday life. But this will be the first time since my stay at the hospital four months ago that I'll dance in front of an audience. O

Still, I find myself nodding my head and I turn to my KIA before I say something else. My thoughts are rattled and all I can think about is how soft his lips look and how those eyes captivate mine.Suddenly, he catches my hand again and immediately my heart speeds up as the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. His touch resonates through me and when I see the sincerity in his eyes, I gasp audibly."Can I at least have your name?"This man's drawl knocks my heart into overdrive again, his eyes searching mine for long seconds. I wonder what he's thinking as he trains his eyes intently on my face. A strand of my hair flies in front of my face and he deftly lifts it away and tucks it behind my ear. When his fingers dip to my cheek where a blush has spread across my skin, fireworks spark underneath the touch.“Sophia," I whisper just loud enough for his ears, my name a whisper on my lips.He nods, his eyes heating with something I wish I had a name for as his finger grazes my cheek

I take a deep breath, trying to lift my body that’s numb from the medication I must be on. Pain spears me in the chest as I remember his face, my cries for him to stop, and the pain down there and throughout my whole body. I just don't understand how I hadn't seen him for what he really was until that moment. I was so blind. I cover my face with my hands in an effort to gather my scattered thoughts.“He came home really angry...I tried to talk to him, but then he hit me and I must have blacked out because when I woke up I was in his bed. He...Oh, God..." My voice cracks as I realize the three words that I can’t seem to wrap my head around. He loved me, I know he did, but last night, God, he was just...a monster.Kel squeezes my hand and with her eyes full of sympathy and love, urges me to continue."He forced himself on me, Kel," I say in a shaky voice, grasping onto her as she wraps her arms around me and hugs me tight, allowing me to finally let go of the overwhelming emotions tha

“What the hell, Sophia, are you okay?" Farah asks as she grabs my hand and we sit on the steps. I take a deep breath and turn to her. She’s been my rock for as long as I can remember. I don’t know what I’d do without her.“I don’t know what I’m doing, Farah. I met this guy today and he’s, God, so gorgeous. Like his eyes captivate me and when he was holding me just now, it felt so right, you know?"She grins and squeezes my hand for reassurance, her reddish-brown hair tucked behind her ears, her knowing eyes seeing right through me."Then go with it, Sophia. Don’t start over thinking it!""He called me beautiful, Farah. I mean, I don’t even know his last name! Is this crazy?"She shakes her head and looks into my eyes, forcing me to be honest.“Do you like him?" She cocks her head to the side, pinning me with her gaze."Yes.""Then stop thinking about it. I can tell he likes you." I grin at the thought and narrow my eyes at her."Really? How?"Her eyes gleam with a smile as she throws

"When did you start dancing?" he asks, his deep voice next to my ear."When I began preschool, my mom enrolled me in a toddler dance academy, and my love for it grew from there.""Is your mom a dancer?” Gavin’s hands skate down my arms, causing goose bumps.I giggle and press closer to him. Being in his arms feels better than I could have imagined. "That’s two questions, but no, she isn’t. She's a model and travels a lot, too." The last thing I wantto think about is my absentee mother, but he asked and, truly, I want Gavin to know me."Did I upset you?" he asks, turning me so that I’m facing him. I hastily shake my head, pressing it against his shoulder as his hand strokes up and down my back."No, she wasn’t around a lot when I was growing up, though. I actually haven’t talked to her in a long time."Deftly, Gavin lifts my face with a finger under my chin and gazes into my eyes."I understand, but if she doesn’t appreciate you then it’s her loss, Sophia, not yours." My heart skips