What Are The Main Themes In M Is For Mama?

‘M Is for Mama’ is unusual in that it tries to make parenting look good, whilst at the same time trying to find the wonder in it. The themes of ‘competing priorities’ and ‘the art of surrender’ particularly hit home. Who hasn’t folded washing only to have their toddler ask to go and look at the stars minutes later? There are also plenty of ‘me too!’ moments, such as the one where the mother loses her temper and then feels terrible, and the odd sense of pride when your toddler finally stops biting. But what the book does best is to make you feel less alone in the beautiful struggle that is parenting.

‘M Is for Mama’ is like Brené Brown writing a parenting manual while covered in peanut butter. There’s some really good stuff about patience and sacrifice, as you would expect, but then it dives deeper into some really unexpected areas like ‘the mythology of control’ (i.e. you never had it) and how motherhood can really bring up all your unfinished business from your childhood. I found the chapter on ‘ghost expectations’ (i.e. the often unconscious expectations of parents from your own childhood) really poignant and had me making a lot of connections and then journaling for several days. But it’s not all heavy. There’s a lot of fun in this book too – the book really celebrates the rebellious joy of things like sending your kids to church in rain boots or having cereal for dinner. Motherhood is a relationship and relationships are imperfect and glorious – that’s the core message of ‘M Is for Mama’.

There’s so much I adored about M Is for Mama. Reading through felt like flipping through the author’s scrapbook of momma-ness, dirty and loving and totally relatable. It explores self-care as a parent, the hard expectations of the “perfect” momma and how to seek out joy in the messy, hard work of raising little ones. There’s a section where the author talks about the ugly-cry moments in the motherhood journey. I got chills when the author revealed she used to sneak to the pantry to devour chocolate bars just to remember she was a real human being with real needs. The rest of the book continued to dig deep into the themes of identity and how easily it can get sucked up in the frenzy of diapers and to-do lists. Specifically the author did a beautiful job of laying out the comparison of parenting to the curated images of others on social media, including all the positive facets of the so-called “good” moms. But it was the section on comparison culture that really got me and how that alters our perception of what motherhood looks like on a daily basis. And then there was this passage that had me giggling heartily at first and then punching the air furiously as I got to the end of the chapter. This mommy wrote of the “curated chaos” of other mommies on social media and how we all present these horrible-but-lovable-to-us images of what mothering looks like. Her relatable example included a grocery store tantrum, followed by a smashing photoshoot and having spaghetti jammed into her child’s hair – ultimately to become her FAVE photo of the two of them.

There are many laughs throughout the book as the author reminisces about the various situations her and her child experienced throughout their time together, as well as the odd occasions the two were subjected to while out in public. And, surprisingly, there are many tears as well. These, of course, come as the author reflects on the “real” things that are left with children, such as memories and the types of imperfect love that children see from their mothers. I find that many parenting books instruct, but few make you feel as though you are experiencing the thoughts and feelings of another person. M Is for Mama is the exception. That is why I continue to recommend it to so many of my friends—even those without children.

'M Is for Mama' is real, relatable and refreshing. So different to the superfit, parenting-known-inside-and-out instagram accounts that abound. This book addresses topics such as mom rage (which is normal), and the deep-seated loneliness and isolation that can occur while making a thousand tiny decisions per day. No, 'just enjoy every moment' is NOT the best advice for new moms. What was also really great about this book is that there is a strong theme of resilience. Not in the form of one of those self help, inspirational quotes pinned to a pinterest board, but real, hardcore momping through, even when you’re running on fumes and your patience has worn thin to threads. It also addresses something that no one warns you about: how difficult it is to rebuild friendships with other adults after becoming a mom.

A soundtrack for ‘M Is for Mama’ would contain lullabyes and punk rock songs. The book contains many different themes about the beautiful disaster that is parenting children. One of the parts that really impacted me was her discussion of productive failure. I never really thought of burners in a positive way before but now I see that even burning pancakes can be a bonding experience for us to laugh about together. Also, the way that society tells mothers that they are not doing enough whether they are working too much or not working enough was really eye opening for me. My favorite part of the book was the way that she highlighted the ‘micro-magic’ that occurs in our daily lives with our children. These are the sticky handprints on our arms and fingers, the nonsensical bedtime stories that we make up on the fly, the only time we can get a word in edgewise. It is in these moments that we realize that love is growing wild and unfiltered in our children and that is what the journey of parenting is all about.