How To Stop People Pleasing After Reading Not Nice?

2025-12-10 07:46:21 326

5 Answers

Dana
Dana
2025-12-11 05:14:46
'Not Nice' helped me spot the sneaky ways I people-please, like over-apologizing or downplaying my needs. The author’s analogy about boundaries being like garden fences resonated—they protect without isolating. I started with low-stakes scenarios, like refusing upsells at stores. Each small 'no' built my confidence for bigger ones, like declining last-minute requests at work. The book’s reminder that I’m responsible for my actions—not others’ reactions—was liberating. These days, I prioritize authenticity over likability, and weirdly, my relationships feel more genuine.
Kelsey
Kelsey
2025-12-12 21:27:10
Ever since I finished 'Not Nice,' I’ve been working on unlearning my urge to people-please. The biggest shift? Recognizing that kindness isn’t the same as self-abandonment. The book’s exercises helped me spot my automatic 'yes' reflexes—like agreeing to extra work or laughing at jokes I didn’t find funny. I started keeping a journal to track these moments and brainstorm alternatives. Over time, I’ve gotten better at pauses. Instead of immediately accommodating others, I now say, 'Let me think about it.' That tiny buffer gives me space to check in with myself. It’s still a work in progress, but I’m way less exhausted now that I’m not constantly performing for others’ approval.
Evelyn
Evelyn
2025-12-13 14:54:11
After reading 'Not Nice,' I made a list of situations where I default to people-pleasing. Top of the list? Family gatherings where I’d bite my tongue to avoid conflict. The book’s advice about 'non-reactive communication' was gold—I practiced phrases like 'I see it differently' without justifying or apologizing. At first, my relatives seemed thrown off, but eventually, they accepted this new version of me. Another game-changer was realizing that discomfort doesn’t equal danger. Just because someone’s momentarily unhappy with my boundary doesn’mean I’ve failed. The book’s emphasis on long-term peace over short-term approval keeps me motivated.
Mila
Mila
2025-12-15 08:10:29
Reading 'not nice' was like a wake-up call for me—I realized how much energy I wasted trying to keep everyone happy. The book’s blunt honesty about people-pleasing hit hard, especially the part where it explains how saying 'yes' to others often means saying 'no' to yourself. I started small, like turning down invites that drained me or voicing my opinion even if it might disappoint someone. It felt awkward at first, but the more I practiced, the more natural it became.

One thing that helped was reframing guilt. The book talks about how guilt isn’t a sign you’ve done something wrong; it’s just discomfort from breaking a habit. Now, when I feel guilty for setting boundaries, I remind myself it’s part of the process. Funny enough, people respect me more now that I’m not always available. It’s like the book said—you teach others how to treat you.
Vincent
Vincent
2025-12-16 14:35:00
I used to think saying 'no' was rude until 'Not Nice' flipped that script. The author’s take on boundary-setting as self-respect really stuck with me. My first experiment was with a friend who always vented but never asked how I was. I gently redirected the conversation instead of just listening silently. To my surprise, she didn’t freak out—she adjusted. The book’s right: most people aren’t as fragile as we assume. Now I ask myself, 'Is this a favor or a burden?' before agreeing to things. Life’s too short to be everyone’s doormat.
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