Neighbourhood Face Slapping Short Stories & Novels

For the fifth time this month, a delivery driver knocked on my door looking for an order that wasn't mine. Fed up, I taped a note outside: "I never order takeout. Whoever keeps using my address for pranks deserves a lifetime of bad luck." A few minutes later, someone knocked again. I yanked open the door and snapped, "I didn't order anything! Can you please check the address before bothering me?" The driver scratched his head, looking confused. "That's strange... I always deliver to this address." Not wanting to argue, I slammed the door shut. Moments later, violent pounding erupted from outside. Furious, I flung the door open, ready to curse out whoever was causing trouble. The words died in my throat the instant I saw who was standing there.

My wife, Sonya Slade, had to travel to a nearby city for a business meeting. Her car was in the shop for maintenance, so she had to take a bus. I hated to see her go through all that trouble, so I gave her a few hundred extra dollars for travel expenses. That afternoon, my recently divorced neighbor, Simon Hunt, posted a selfie with a caption. It read, "Thanks to someone for letting me ride shotgun. That little drive was just what I needed." My breath caught. The charm in the corner of the photo was the one I had hung in Sonya's car myself. I called Sonya to confront her, but she sounded annoyed. "I happened to run into Simon while he was out taking care of something. I just gave him a ride for part of the way. He even paid for the gas." I paused, then decided I was reading too much into it. Then my phone buzzed with a traffic violation notice. At the time she claimed to be meeting a client, her car was parked outside a hotel for couples.

I bought an apartment during a market slump, $30,000 below what others had paid for the same layout. I had just finished moving in when Linda Carver, the neighbor across the hall, stormed over. "Same unit, same building, yet you paid $30,000 less than we did. You need to make up the difference!" I froze for a second. She took it as fear and raised her voice, "If you had the guts to snap it up cheap, you’d better be ready to compensate the rest of us. Otherwise, don’t expect to live here in peace." I looked at her, so self-righteous it was almost absurd, and I laughed. I had just been discharged from a psychiatric hospital. Threaten me? If anyone wasn’t going to live in peace, it was her.

To escape my father's constant matchmaking, I moved into Westbridge Towers in Ashford, Franklin, a building my family developed. After I agreed to pick up an elderly neighbor's grandson from preschool once, she began telling everyone that I was the child's father. "He abandoned my daughter after getting her pregnant, and now he regrets it. "Yesterday he even volunteered to pick up his son because he wants to make amends." Furious, I posted footage from the camera outside my door to expose the lie. "You begged me to pick up the boy. How did that become proof that I fathered him? "I've barely met your daughter. The child can't possibly be mine. Spread one more lie and I'll call the police." The old woman glared at me and knocked the phone from my hand with her cane. "Marrying my daughter would be the best thing that ever happened to you. The property manager is practically family. "Don't be ungrateful. One word from me, and you'll be thrown out of this building." The entire building belongs to my family, and she still thinks she can evict me?

I am the only student in the entire nation to achieve a perfect score for my SATs this year. My high school has only just posted the list of top scorers on their notice board when the neighborhood's HOA group chat explodes in awe. "Did someone from our neighborhood just get full marks for the SATs? We're already a prestigious neighborhood close to the best high schools in town, and this news will only drive our property values up even more! We might even be able to rent for 1,500 dollars per square foot soon!" "I bet it must be one of those kids from the huge mansions. They've been attending the most elite boarding school since they were young." The HOA vice president, Karen Myers, then posts an announcement in the Emerald Green neighborhood group chat. "Reporters will be coming to interview us tomorrow. Please be mindful of your appearance." Mom digs out her old, faded shirt and looks at herself in the mirror. She smiles so hard that her forehead creases in smiling wrinkles. She awkwardly taps at her phone screen and posts in the group chat, "Thank you for your well-wishes, everyone!" One of the homeowners, Marianne Barnett, replies at once, "Isn't this Mrs. Marshall from the burrito stall? What the hell are you thanking us for?" "Yeah. Don't you feel any shame posting that? Delete that at once." Then, Karen calls us up, her tone filled with disgust. "The chairman of Bloomberg Finance will be visiting our neighborhood tomorrow to personally congratulate the top scorer. It's going to be a huge event. "But since you don't own any proper clothes other than those tattered rags, you'd better keep your filthy stall out of sight so you don't ruin our neighborhood's upscale image!" Mom hesitates. Then, she places her phone face down on the table and says nothing. I then receive a text message from Jonathan Bloomberg, the real estate tycoon who sponsored all of my studies. My finger hovers over the screen as I read his message. "Congratulations, Cathy! I'm bringing the entire board of directors to congratulate you in person tomorrow!"