Corn 88
When I suffer a heart attack, I discover that my wife, Amelia Price, has given my private ICU room to her childhood friend, Norman Wallace, because an old injury of his has flared up again.
Instead of a world-class medical team, I'm left on a hospital bed in the hallway, without even a curtain to shield me from the cold.
Amelia is busy getting Norman a glass of water. When she's told about the mistake, she doesn't even bother turning around to look at me.
"They booked it under the wrong name. He's already settled in, so just make do out here for one night," she says.
I've been hearing that same excuse for five years.
When I'm supposed to have my pre-surgery consultation with the specialists, Amelia books me into the wrong hospital. Instead, she spends the entire day at a private clinic with Norman while he undergoes physical therapy.
When my chest pain is at its worst, she orders the wrong takeout, swapping the bland meal I want for Norman's favorite extra-spicy buffalo wings.
Amelia even orders my expensive post-op support cushion in the wrong size, and it ends up as Norman's dog's new bed.
To make sure she won't get it wrong again, I pay the ten-thousand-dollar deposit for my private hospital suite six months in advance. Then, I tape the confirmation paperwork to the refrigerator where she can't miss it.
I even set three daily reminder alerts on her phone in the days leading up to my surgery. But when Amelia checks me into the hospital, she still gets it wrong.
Seeing how pale I've gone, she only frowns. "Fine. This one's on me. It's just a routine surgery. Does it really matter where you have it?"
She dismisses it as casually as she always does. But I'm done risking my life.
I yank the IV from the back of my hand, remove my bloodstained wedding ring, and throw it into the trash.
"You're right. It's just a surgery. But whether I live or die from this point on has nothing to do with you anymore."