Belen
In the sixth year of my relationship with Niklas Berg, he spent three hundred days a year in Inari, in northern Finland, doing fieldwork on Sámi culture and traditional crafts.
I stayed behind in London, looking after his mother, Helena Berg, who had been bedridden since her stroke.
The day I miscarried from sheer exhaustion, I was shaking all over with pain. I called him.
Before I could say a word, he cut me off. "Signal's bad up here. The project's at a critical stage. Stop bothering me with every little thing at home."
Then he hung up.
I had always believed he was simply too consumed by his research to understand the needs of an ordinary relationship.
That belief lasted until late one night, when I came across a promotional video for a Nordic traditional crafts exhibition on social media.
In the video, Niklas, always so reserved and composed, was leaning down, fastening an heirloom silver brooch at the collar of a radiant young Sámi woman.
The silver caught the light against her red-and-blue shawl, and his hands moved with such solemnity it looked like a ritual only the two of them understood.
Someone off-camera teased him, asking if he planned to stay in the north forever.
He looked at the girl, his voice low and tender. "Aila says this brooch is only given to the person she wants to share her life with. I'd gladly stay here for her."
I closed the video. I didn't cry, and I didn't confront him.
I simply signed the Helsinki transfer confirmation I should have signed long ago, then left my flat key and engagement ring behind in our home.
His beliefs had never left room for me.
So I would go and find a world of my own.