Do What You Want

"Natalie's been having some emotional issues these past few days. I was worried about her, so I brought her here to stay for a while," Josh explained to me when he noticed my silence.I nodded and walked inside immediately. I had barely taken a few steps when something felt wrong. "Where's Milo?""I took him to the vet. He'll be staying there for a few days. Natalie's allergic to cats," Josh said.I stopped and stared at him. "Why didn't you tell me?"Josh pretended that it didn't matter and gave me an easy smile. "You were busy. I didn't want to bother you."But he wasn't worried about bothering me when he called about making the fruit wine for Natalie? I didn't ask him that question, because I knew he had a hundred excuses ready.I turned away, but my head spun and my vision dimmed as I felt blood rushing into my head. I hadn't eaten because of my motion sickness, and my blood sugar had dropped.A cake sat in an open box on the table. I picked up a knife and cut myself a slice

Early the next morning, I began preparing everything for the prayer service. I had worked all morning to prepare the booklets and other items needed.When I finally had some free time, I hurriedly ate a few bites.Josh didn't send me a single message. Yesterday's promise meant nothing by morning. Still, I waited a little longer until the priest reminded me several times that it was time to begin.In the end, I called Josh. He had completely forgotten about it and it took him a moment to remember. His tone was apologetic as he said, "Natalie's mother suddenly became ill, so I'm taking her to the hospital right now.""Can't Natalie take her?" I asked."I'm worried she can't manage alone." Josh said.Hearing that, I could feel a cutting pain in my heart. When I miscarried, he had never worried whether I could manage anything alone. When I arranged my mother's funeral by myself, he was not worried about that either. Yet when Natalie's mother fell ill, he was more attentive than

Josh's fingers twitched. He sat motionless at his table at the restaurant for a long time before he finally stood up and left, his mind in a mess.His phone rang as soon as he got into his car. His eyes focused as he picked it up eagerly.Then he saw the name on the screen. Nat.His smile disappeared. He tossed the phone onto the passenger seat. He watched her name flash across the screen repeatedly and his thoughts drifted.Would ordinary friends use such an intimate nickname?Would they call each other countless times every day?He picked up the phone and checked the call log. They had spoken seventeen times in the past five days. Then, he checked his call history with Rena. There were no calls at all.His head began to pound.When he didn't answer, Natalie began bombarding him with messages.[Josh, are you busy? Why didn't you answer?][Mom threw up again. I'm so scared. Can you come stay with me?][The apartment is so dark and I'm panicking.]Another ten minutes had

"Once you've said everything you came to say, we should finalize the divorce," I said."Then I'll spend the rest of my life talking and never let it finish," Josh said.I froze at the unexpected tenderness in his words. Then I shook my head and smiled. "Neither of us ever had much to say."At our worst, we would go an entire week without exchanging even ten sentences. "I made things clear to Natalie. I won't see her again. I used her illness as an excuse to stay with her again and again." He sobbed and he wiped the corner of his eye. "You know it. But out of my own selfishness, I never considered your feelings.""It's all over," I shook my head."No! It's not over! Rena, let me make it up to you," Josh begged.I didn't understand any of this. "You clearly don't love me, so why won't you let me go?"Josh reacted fiercely as he gripped my hand and shouted, his voice almost angry. "I love you!"I smiled. "This isn't how love looks like. Every time Natalie and I needed you, you c