Do What You Want

As I was taking care of my mother's altar, I heard people sighing behind me.

"They've been married for five years. How could he not even show his face?!"

"That's true. There's so much to handle at a funeral, and Rena just had a miscarriage. How is her body supposed to take it?"

I flinched as I hit the altar. I felt blood trickling between my legs and realized I needed to change my pad. But the moment I stood up, my vision went black, and I passed out…

-

When I regained consciousness, a phone was ringing repeatedly beside me. The calls kept coming in one after another, as if they were especially important.

It was Josh.

Enduring my dizziness, I answered.

"Thank goodness," he said. "You finally picked up."

My head buzzed. I thought something terrible had happened. I pulled out my IV and climbed out of bed. "What happened?"

"Should I use grapes or berries to make sweet fruit wine? Natalie isn't feeling great, so I want to make her something nice."

Time seemed to stop.

Blood trickled down the back of my hand. I closed my eyes as I felt the room spun around me.

"Josh, my mother died."

My voice was quiet, but he heard me.

After a long pause, he spoke. "That's my fault. Take care of what you need to. I'll figure it out myself."

He hung up immediately before I had the chance to respond. The dark screen felt like a slap on my face.

I had no time to grieve, so I hurried back to the funeral. After several more exhausting days, it was finally over.

As my relatives left, they asked, "Josh isn't coming to pick you up?"

Pick me up?

He hadn't called once in seven days. The only time he had called was to ask what kind of fruits to use to make sweet fruit wine.

I shook my head. "I'll get home on my own."

The bus ride took six hours, and then I arrived home. As I reached for the door, hurried footsteps approached from inside.

Josh pulled it open with a stern look. "Take off your clothes outside and disinfect yourself before you come in."

I froze, thinking he was worried about me.

The next second, he added, "Natalie's here. If you bring any bacteria inside, she could get sick."

My head buzzed again as my voice trembled. "I just buried my mother. Am I unclean because of that?"

Josh froze, then sighed. "That's not what I meant. It's just that…Natalie…"

He looked conflicted. His tall frame blocked the doorway, as if he wouldn't let me in unless I agreed.

For a moment, I felt like an outsider.

"Josh... Why don't you let Rena come in?" Natalie gave his arm a light punch and pulled me inside. She took my coat and hung it up, acting like she was the lady of the house. "Your slippers are on the right."

Only then did I notice that some of the furniture and decorations had been moved. How much time had she spent here in just seven days to change the place this much?

"Did the funeral go smoothly? You must be exhausted. You don't look well," Josh said as his gaze sat on my face.

It was fine. I had only been hospitalized twice and spent three hours on oxygen.

"I'm fine."

When I bent over to change my shoes, I found my slippers were shoved into the farthest corner.

The matching pair Josh used to wear was gone. In their place, two pairs of fluffy rabbit slippers sat neatly together on the top shelf.

Natalie loved rabbits.