Comedy Seduction Short Stories & Novels

I ordered a vampire online—Adrian. Hot, aloof. He was supposed to be my bodyguard and live-in housekeeper. But he was always staring at my neck like he was starving. Fangs popping out, eyes glowing red. And he was always walking around shirtless, wearing nothing but an apron. When I tried to stop him, he’d look all hurt and ask, "You don't like it?" "But you're blushing." I didn't know what to do, so I messaged customer service. They suggested, "You could form a bond with him. He'll be more obedient." So I did. But I had no idea I was forming a two-way mate's bond instead of a one-way master-servant bond. The night we bonded, he climbed into my bed, eyes glowing red. He licked my skin, hungry, grinding against me desperately and begging, "Master, just one bite, please? I'll make you feel so good..."

Three years of contract marriage, and Silas has been the picture of icy restraint — buttoning his shirts all the way to the top. Knowing he doesn't love me, I decide to stop lying to myself. But just as I'm about to flee with the divorce papers, I stumble upon a forum called Mischief & Mayhem. The pinned post screams in red letters: "URGENT! I'm actually an incubus. I've spent three years pretending to be cold and celibate so I won't scare my wife. But she just asked for a divorce and I can't hide it anymore... HELP: How do I win her back in 30 days without revealing what I am?" In the attached photo, a black heart-tipped tail is shamefully coiled around a suit trouser leg, its tip hooked around a tie. That tie — I bolt upright in bed. That's the limited-edition tie I gave Silas. My iceberg husband is secretly a lovesick male incubus?

My cold-blooded Mafia boss, Don Cassius, tore my painting to shreds. Right in front of everyone. I needed to vent. I texted a picture of my legs in fishnets to my dark web sugar daddy. [Wanna be stepped on by your Mistress? Stroke it for me. Now.] I looked up. Cassius—usually an untouchable iceberg in a bespoke suit—swallowed hard. His ears flushed a dark red. Curious, I sneaked a peek at his phone. My photo. My filthy command. Both flashing on his screen. Holy shit. Ice shot through my veins. My stupid fucking thumb slipped... and hit the video call button.

Julian is my twin brother. I rule the Greek scene at our Ivy League. We use different last names. Because of that, rumors fly. People think he’s just my pathetic lapdog. They think he bows to my red-bottom heels. His cold, lethal partner, Silas, finally had enough. He pinned Julian against a wall. He growled. "Do you really have to be that woman’s personal pet?" My brother just looked dazed. "She’s actually really sweet to me in private." Silas casually wiped the blood off his knuckles. He just came from crippling a guy at an underground fight club. He scoffed. "Just wait. Give me a month. I’ll rip that Black Widow’s mask right off." A month later, I had two lethal beasts willingly groveling at my feet. This time, it was my brother who grabbed Silas by the collar. Julian was losing his mind. "Are you out of your fucking mind?" Silas slowly buttoned his shirt. He carefully covered the bite mark of submission on his collarbone. His eyes were dead calm. "I think you’re heavily biased against her."

After I died, the Moon Goddess chose me and gave me a second life. But I had crossed over into a world of werewolves, and my mission was to win the heart of Soren, a notorious charmer who left a trail of admirers wherever he went. He brought me to the rooftop of the tallest building in the city, where countless fireworks bloomed across the sky in unison. "Surprised? I arranged this fireworks show just for you. Do you like it?" The barrage scrolled across my vision: [This is when you pretend to be shy. That's all you have to do.] Shy? Of course I could do shy. I gave him a demure smile, reached up to brush my fingers along his cheek, and gazed at him tenderly. "Surprised, yes. But fireworks are dazzling one moment and gone the next. You're the lasting surprise in my life." With a wave of my hand, the fireworks in the sky rearranged themselves to spell out Soren's name. The air went still. Not even the boom of the fireworks could drown out the hammering of Soren's heart.