Comedy Short Stories & Novels

My serpent husband lost his memory and insisted on a divorce. He couldn't believe that someone of his status, the rarest purebred serpent alive, would ever marry a human. "Ms. Cassandra, I'm sorry, but I'd appreciate your cooperation in having the mate mark removed." "The billion is compensation. No need to return it." Hearing that, I actually felt relieved. I mean, sure, my husband was gorgeous and filthy rich… But he had two dicks! And each one was so huge. It was just too much. After the divorce, if I ever look for another husband... I would definitely find someone a bit gentler, the kind where just one is plenty!

The moment my roommate walked in, she used my locker. She claimed to have too many things and nowhere else to put them. I rolled my eyes. Why should I let her get her way? I was not her parent. She was no princess, but she acted like one. I was ready to argue, but she tossed 200,000 dollars at me. “At your service, Your Highness!”

My ex-colleague, Brenda Wilson, finds out from an unknown source that I have taken in an adopted son. Because of that, she insists on matchmaking my son with her niece. "My niece has graduated from a proper college, you know! You don't have to prepare any fancy wedding gifts… Just 800 thousand dollars will do! On top of that, you can put her name on the deed of that fancy deluxe apartment in the city center. "From the way I see it, there's no need to choose the perfect date anymore. They should get their marriage registered tomorrow and do their best to give birth to a cute baby boy!" My adopted son has a volatile temper, so there's no way he'll go on a blind date with some random woman. I refuse Brenda's offer on the spot with a cold expression. Feeling furious and embarrassed, Brenda yells at me for being a stingy old lady. Then, she storms out of my place angrily. Three months later, Brenda shows up with her pregnant niece outside my residential area. There, they start a livestream and start crying their woes to the Internet. "Everyone, Emily Parker's adopted son tricked my poor niece, Ashley Collins, into sleeping with him! Yet now, he refuses to claim the unborn baby as his! "Oh, Ashley keeps crying every day! Can Emily even afford to take responsibility for my darling Ashley if she and her unborn baby end up dying because of that bastard? "If I gain 100 thousand likes by the end of today, I'll definitely commit suicide right on that Emily hag's doorstep!" As I look at the comments that demand justice in Brenda's livestream, I almost laugh out loud. My adopted son is actually a male monkey which has retired from the local zoo. On top of that, he's already neutered. So, what on earth is Ashley pregnant with? A magical baby monkey?

Three years married, yet my husband and I had never once held hands. With a grudge I'd been quietly nursing, I took a photo of myself in sexy lingerie with my back to the camera and sent it to him from a throwaway account. I expected it to go nowhere. Two minutes later, my phone buzzed. [Your family member has purchased a same-day return flight.] [She's just keeping you around for fun. Don't let me catch you, you horndog.]

My bestie got wasted and begged me in tears. "Help me get into Caspian's bed! Please, spend whatever it takes, just get me out of this broke-ass life!" God help me. Caspian was the most ruthless Don in Chicago. I sighed. What could I do? I was her best friend. But I had one rule: never spend a dime more than I have to. The budget was set. The less I spent, the more I pocketed. She gave me $5,000 to buy a dress that would seduce him. I pocketed $4,900. So she wore a dress I made out of flea-market silk scraps. Her pitiful, broke-girl act completely won the Don over. Thrilled, she shoved another $1,000 into my hands to buy top-tier birth control. I skimmed $999 and bought a two-dollar bottle of multivitamins. Clutching that positive pregnancy test, my bestie looked at me like I was God. Later, the Don's ex, Cassandra—pure mafia royalty—came back for blood. Furious, my bestie threw $50,000 at me. "Ruin her! Aria, you're the only one I trust to handle this." But at the family dinner, that bitch struck first. "She hired thugs to attack me in the penthouse! They're hiding inside right now!" Yet, when Caspian kicked the door open. The woman's smug smirk froze. "Freaks... are you fucking freaks?! Who fills a room with life-sized creepy Halloween wax figures?!" ...

My childhood friend, Flynn Carter, is the college's undisputed ice hockey star and campus heartthrob. Too bad he has a secret no one knows about. Because he's "allergic" to women and hates physical intimacy, he's stayed single well into adulthood. Over time, rumors have spread around campus that there's something wrong with him in that department. But no one will ever guess what this cold, unapproachable god is like once he comes home. One night, I return to the apartment we share after my evening class. I walk in just in time to see Flynn holding my freshly washed bra in his hand, a faint crease between his brows as he asks, "Why do you even have pink ones?"

When I find out my husband is cheating on me, I don't cry. My pride won't let me waste a single tear on a man who isn't worth it. Instead, I crash a stranger's funeral so I can cry my eyes out over someone else's memorial photo. I'm sobbing so hard I'm shaking when the widow suddenly shoves a million-dollar check into my hand. "Take the money and get lost. Don't think you can worm your way into my family just because he's dead." I stare down at the check. Suddenly, being the other woman doesn't seem so bad. At least she gets paid. Meanwhile, I'm the wife who gets cheated on and humiliated, and somehow I'm still the one expected to step aside for the other woman. I'm about to leave when an arm suddenly blocks my way. The dead man's son is a tall, handsome college student. He leans down, looks me straight in the eye, and sneers, "You fraud. You're crying your eyes out over my dad, but you can't even get his name right." Caught, I take a step back. He plucks the check from my hand and leans close to my ear. "You want the million dollars? Fine. Then play along with me and help me piss off my mom. She's the one who actually cheated on my dad."

Dean Russo's gaming mate breaks up with him. In his foul mood, he forces everyone to work overtime. "Hey Kylie, you're his Beta, right? Go talk to Alpha Dean. We all want to get out of here on time." "Are you serious? Just seeing his gloomy face freaks me out." Everyone keeps urging me to go and calm Dean down, but what no one realizes is that the gaming mate he can't move on from is actually me. Just when everything seems fine in our online relationship, he unexpectedly asks to meet face-to-face. But if he ever learns that his beloved gaming mate is none other than his Beta, he's bound to be furious. For my own safety, I decide to end things before they can spiral out of control. But who would expect the breakup to hit him so hard? Yet, if I want to avoid working overtime, it seems like I have no choice but to get back together with him.

I've been back at the Levine residence for four months. The whole time I have been back, I'm like an invisible person whose existence is barely acknowledged. One day, I wake up and suddenly start seeing everyone's health bars above everyone's heads. The first thing I see when I open my eyes is a frog's face. I jump in fright and slap it across the face. Then, I hear my younger brother, Jacob Levine, roar furiously, "Ruthie, what the hell is wrong with you? I came to tell you breakfast is ready. Why did you hit me?" I stare blankly at the frog. The frog is glaring at me furiously. The health bar above its head has dropped by a chunk, and it looks like it's about to leap up and hit me. I rub my eyes. When I open them again, it's still the same frog face. Its mouth opens and closes as it curses at me in my brother's voice. I stare at him for three seconds before saying, "Uh… There was a mosquito on your face." The frog's face turns even greener with rage as it rages, "You kill a mosquito by giving people a slap to their faces?" I don't answer. Over his shoulder, I see Lorraine Neal standing in the doorway. She has a hideous, demonic face and protruding fangs. The health bar above her head is even shorter. My "kind and adorable" adopted sister, Thalia Levine, is peeking out from behind Lorraine. Live snakes are coiling around her neck. They're sticking their tongues out at me and hissing. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and open them again. Everything is still there. I sit on the bed, clutching the blanket, with only one thought running through my mind. I'm screwed… I think I've gone insane.

The last light had just turned off when Hank Liston queued up for his fifth ranked match. He turned on the volume, making sure the game music rocked the entire room. "Jungler!!! What are you doing, sleeping?! We need to jump this guy, you loser!" On the lower bed under me, Ben Singer, who had been holding back for a long while, rasped, "Can't you put your headphones on? I have an interview tomorrow." Hank simply snorted. "Interview? You can sleep the whole day, and you still won't make it in with that rubbish resume of yours. Don't try to blame your failures on me." Ben flushed beet red but didn't argue. Zac Kimmich, our other roommate, had his pillow covering his ears while he gripped the bed post so hard that it was creaking. Hank, however, kept ranting, "We're all in the same room! It's called mutual understanding—get it? I was there with you guys in class, but I can't spend time playing at night? Also, I'm not complaining even though I'm not sleeping, but you guys are sleeping and complaining?!" Suddenly, he turned to me as well. "And you, Carl. Don't try to play dead. You got a lot of money from that scholarship, didn't you? If you're that good, why don't you donate your sleep hours too?" [Roommate disturbance detected. Casting Polymorph. Progress: 1%] Well, since Hank couldn't behave like a proper human being, why not turn him into something else?

With the return of his memories, my husband, Trevor Beaumont, recalled that he was the Alpha of a wolf pack. He walked away, leaving me with a ruby necklace as compensation. The jewel shimmered amid my sleep, and a tall, burly man stood before me. The compensation came with a hidden bonus after all. Later, I sent a message to my ex. “Thank you for your necklace. The guy inside comes in handy. “We’re getting married, and since you brought us together, we’d hope you can be the best man.” Trevor drove through the night to our wedding venue, veins popping out of his face as despair swallowed him. “Who the hell put the man inside the ruby?”

After I died, the Moon Goddess chose me and gave me a second life. But I had crossed over into a world of werewolves, and my mission was to win the heart of Soren, a notorious charmer who left a trail of admirers wherever he went. He brought me to the rooftop of the tallest building in the city, where countless fireworks bloomed across the sky in unison. "Surprised? I arranged this fireworks show just for you. Do you like it?" The barrage scrolled across my vision: [This is when you pretend to be shy. That's all you have to do.] Shy? Of course I could do shy. I gave him a demure smile, reached up to brush my fingers along his cheek, and gazed at him tenderly. "Surprised, yes. But fireworks are dazzling one moment and gone the next. You're the lasting surprise in my life." With a wave of my hand, the fireworks in the sky rearranged themselves to spell out Soren's name. The air went still. Not even the boom of the fireworks could drown out the hammering of Soren's heart.

After I got a billion-dollar client drunk, I forced him to sign a contract that gave us better terms. He was then rushed to the ER. After that, I walked into the CEO's office with my legs shaking, holding my resignation letter. "Mr. Blake, I blacked out from drinking last night, lost control, and offended an important client. I'll take responsibility and resign immediately. I won't drag the company into this!" I wanted to leave as soon as possible before the Legal Department sued me and took everything I owned. The cold and distant CEO, Adrian Blake, pulled out his fountain pen with a dark expression. The next second, I never expected that I heard his thoughts wildly screaming in my head. "Damn! This woman is my lucky star! I'm someone with severe social anxiety who wants to hide the moment I see people. I was almost cornered by those ruthless businessmen! Not only did she take several drinks for me, but she also grabbed that guy by the collar and forced him to lower the contract price by 20%! But I'm the cold and untouchable CEO of a multinational company. I can't just beg her to attend every business dinner for me forever, can I?" I saw Adrian's face become tense, and a hidden excitement flashed in his eyes. I quickly grabbed my resignation letter, tore it apart, and said, "Mr. Blake, I know I made a mistake. Please let me redeem myself. From now on, I can attend all those business dinners for you!"

After my father vanished with fifty million dollars belonging to the Vitale Family, I went from a pampered heiress to the Mafia Don's debt-bound maid. On my very first day, I discovered that Cassian—the cold creditor ordering me to polish his shoes by day—was the same online puppy who wore a collar, knelt, and called me Mistress at night. And just the night before, I'd dumped him because I “wasn't in the mood for arelationship.” In the study, he looked down at me coldly. “Miss Bennett, polish my shoes.” “A debtor doesn't get to choose her assignments.” At the same time, my phone was buzzing like crazy in my pocket. The “puppy” I'd blocked seventeen times was already begging through yetanother new account: [Mistress, please don't leave your puppy.] [You can punish your puppy however you want tonight.]

After getting laid off, I found a new job. I married a woman who was in a coma and became the live-in son-in-law of a wealthy family. In return, my mother-in-law gave me a million dollars a month. However, one day, my comatose wife opened her eyes, and I could hear her thoughts. She thought, ‘Where did Mom find this ugly, dumb guy?’

Thanks to my addiction to the stories regarding true and fake heiresses, I'm afflicted with strong paranoia that everyone is out there to get me. For some reason, I keep thinking that I'm a fake heiress who will eventually get kicked out of my home. In order to avoid getting set up, I stay on my guard every day. Not only do I hire some people to act as the actual heiresses and visit my home from time to time, but I also have them put on performances with me while clutching paternity test reports and heirloom pendants as props. On the day I'm done rehearsing all of the webnovel tropes, a pure and innocent young woman comes knocking on the door. Interestingly enough, she has live comments surrounding her. As she shows the pendant and a paternity test report, she starts crying sadly. "Mom, Dad, I'm your actual daughter!" The live comments begin spamming relentlessly. "I'm tired of looking at pure and innocent female leads! A manipulative true heiress, on the other hand, is a breath of fresh air! Not only does she intend to regain everything that belongs to her, but she also vows to teach the fake heiress a lesson she will never forget!" "Just look at how amazing her acting and her expression are! Her parents will definitely fall for her excuse, hook, line, and sinker!" Amid the live comments' cheering, my parents just nod thoughtfully. "The actress who's playing this role today is quite talented."

I was the son of the wealthiest man in Capital City, but I had never enjoyed the flattery and fake smiles that came with that title. All I had ever wanted was a normal life. Now that I was pushing twenty-eight and still single, my mom finally lost her patience. She gave me an ultimatum: go on a blind date or she’d disown me. On my way to the date, I passed by a luxury boutique and spotted a watch that immediately caught my eye. I was just about to pay for it when, out of nowhere, a man barged in from behind and slapped a black card down on the counter. “I’ll take this watch. Wrap it up for me,” he said. I stayed calm and said politely, “Sir, I saw this watch first.” However, he just scoffed and snapped back, full of arrogance, “A broke nobody like you can look but not afford it. Get lost. I’m the assistant to Ms. Jackson, the CEO of Jackson Group. In this city, if I want something, no one will fight me for it.” Ms. Jackson? Isn’t that the exact woman I was supposed to be meeting for the blind date? Without another word, I pulled out my phone and dialed her number. “Selena,” I said calmly, “do you know your assistant is out here throwing your name around to bully people?”

Just clocked out. My bestie, Chloe, texted. Begging me to go wild with her at a bar. I collapsed onto my bed. Exhausted. “No way. My legs are jelly. I can’t tonight.” I splashed some water on my face and stared at my reflection. Pale. Drained. Suddenly, I knew I needed a release. Anything to forget my inhuman, tyrant werewolf boss. I grabbed my phone again, ready to text Chloe. I wanted to type: “My whole body aches. No energy for the bar. I desperately need a rough, deep-tissue massage session tonight.” But my brain was fried. I just typed: “Just need a rough, deep session tonight.” Five minutes later, my screen lit up. But it wasn't a message from Chloe. It was from my cold, untouchable Alpha boss. “Send location.”

I've worked with my wife, Naomi Prescott, for seven long years. Yet, she refuses to make my identity public in the company. Naomi claims that she's worried that the entire company might think of me as a man who relies on his partner. Believing her excuse, I stick to myself and keep a low profile all this time. But on the day my project team secures a ten-million-dollar business deal, Naomi is quick to make me give the credit to her childhood friend, Matthias Crowell. When faced with my questions, Naomi retorts in a matter-of-fact tone, "Matt is new to the company. Can't a veteran employee like you take care of him at work?" I'm furious, to say the least. "What if I say no?" Naomi throws a resignation letter at my face. "Well then, you can pack up and get lost, you pathetic loser!" I pack my belongings calmly and leave the company afterward. Three days later, Naomi's company is on the brink of bankruptcy. She sobs loudly as she begs me to return with her. I produce a business card and give it to her. "Sorry, but I prefer being the boss of my own company. It so happens that my company still needs a janitor. I suppose I can reserve that position for you, seeing as we used to be married and all."

Julian Hart had me move into his basement so he could trample on my dignity whenever he pleased. What he didn’t know was that I had transmigrated from the real world into the novel. When Julian insulted me, I endured it without talking back. When he slapped me, I licked his palm. When his first love stepped on me with her high heel to assert her dominance, I told her that the scent of her perfume reached me before the pain did. A year later, Julian was so disgusted by me that he almost knelt down and begged me to keep my distance from them. But there was no way I was leaving. I hadn’t come to tear them apart. I had come to join them.