Arti Pampering

"Skylar, here's a hundred for the breakup. Don't crawl back." Mack flung the bill at my face like he was doing charity work. "Winona's the Frostmoon Pack's Beta's daughter. She'll save me twenty years of hustle. You? Still drowning in student loans." I eyed Winona's designer bag—logo halfway printed like it gave up mid-stitch. "You're sure this is a breakup?" "Locked in. Engagement party's tonight at Lunara Estate. You can crash if you want a pity plate. Might be your only shot inside." Door slammed. I turned to the hot wolf crouched by the ditch, mid-bite on a rabbit leg. "Hundred bucks. I'm renting you for two hours." He arched a brow, blood slick on his lips. "That's cute. But for that price? You're barely getting a paw."

My boyfriend thought I was just a nerd. When he was drunk, he complained to his friends. “Does it matter if she has good grades? Her family’s broke. You know, I could slap a wad of cash in her face, and she’d come crawling like a dog.” However, I later ended up crying and sitting on a certain someone’s lap. He kissed me from behind my ear down to my neck and chuckled softly. “Hmm, a nerd? Does he even know that you’re actually the daughter of the city’s biggest real estate tycoon?”

The college student I had a passionate night with at the hotel turned out to be the intern I was supposed to mentor. On his first day at the company, he pulled me into the break room and wrapped his arms around my waist. "You have such a slender waist. That night, I never expected you to be that fervent..."

After I married into a rich family as my older sister's stand-in, my powerful husband didn't touch me for six months. Then I overheard his friend. "You chased her ten years just to marry her, and you still won't touch her?" He looked down, smiling bitter. "I have a problem... I'm scared I'd scare her off." That night I stormed into his room and slapped the divorce papers on the nightstand. "Two choices—sleep with me or sign." He ripped the papers apart and pinned me to the wall, something wild breaking loose in his eyes. "Third choice... I make sure you can't get out of bed tomorrow."

My period is delayed once again, so I need to visit the gynecology department. In order to avoid embarrassing myself in public, I specifically ask for a doctor with a feminine name. That's how I make an appointment with Dr. Jessie Lloyd. But it turns out that Jessie is a man! After the initial embarrassment, I realize that Jessie is looking at me weirdly.

When I learned that the villain was a merman who dropped pearls whenever he cried, I took out the discarded pregnancy test stick from the trash can and headed toward the rooftop. "Well, how many babies do you merfolk have in one pregnancy? Do they eat fish food or baby formula?" Theo Atwater, who was attempting suicide, slipped and almost fell from the 18th floor. I shook my head with a sigh. "Forget it. I'll just throw the baby into the sea after giving birth." Later, when the baby was born, Theo was too scared to sleep, fearing that I would release the baby into the sea. When the female lead, Melody Carlisle, and the male lead, Reagan York, were arguing and came to see us, he was looking at our baby’s swimming results and roaring, "You're one of us merfolk. How could you be afraid of water?"

I'm the female protagonist of a spicy novel. One day, the system tosses me into an innocuous novel to be reformed. What a joke! I turn to the male protagonist. "Hi there. Want to make out?" He has me thrown behind bars and accuses me of molesting him. Much later, he does even naughtier things than the male protagonists in spicy novels do.

I found out I was pregnant in the middle of a fight with my husband. How should I tell him without embarrassing myself too much? I decided to ask the Internet, and the netizens gave me a ton of advice based on their years of experience reading novels. One, run away with your unborn baby. Two, pretend to gag over lunch. Three, put his number into the abortion registration form… When he came to me in a frenzy, I belatedly realized, ‘Crap, I think I went too far!’

After my succubus bloodline awakened, I made a habit of rating the CEO as "just okay" every single time he satisfied me. It was a guaranteed hit to his pride, right where it hurt. And like clockwork, he would grow colder, sharper, and even more determined to prove himself all over again. I glitched him into being obsessed with me for three straight years. That was, until my family finally arranged a so-called "perfect" bonding match for me. Just as I was getting ready to run, a flood of comments suddenly appeared in front of my eyes. [Eva, are you seriously doing this? If you run now, you'll be on the bed with him forever!] [Poor Arnold. He was in bed this morning, happily ordering toys and incubus outfits online, completely unaware his girlfriend was about to vanish!] [This is hilarious! She never realized he is an incubus and he never knew she is a succubus, either. They were both pretending to be human. I need to know what happens when he drags her back. I'm begging for the tail-around-the-waist scene!] [Run, Eva, run! I can't wait for Arnold to realize he got played and go completely unhinged. I can't even imagine how steamy the scene would be!]

Lately, buying succubi and incubi online had become all the rage. I could not afford one, so I picked one up from the side of the road instead. It turned out the quality of this incubus left a lot to be desired. Not only did he have a terrible temper, but he showed absolutely no interest in me. He would rather starve than "feed". Left with no other options, I snapped a photo of his incubus mark and sent it to the shop owner, asking how to handle this particular model. The shop owner completely lost it. "Oh my god, please tell me you're joking! That's not an incubus! That's a demon! The most dangerous kind!"