Aunt Josephine Lemony Snicket Novels & Stories

Matt complained bitterly as he paced around. “You mean your Aunt?” Agnes words were sarcastic, she brought her gaze to her nails which she was currently filing. She was on his desk, with one leg over the other. “What?” Matt asked slightly confused. “You addressed your Aunt as a 'bitchy wife'.” “This isn't the time to be a cunt, Agnes. We are on the losing side here. And fuck her, I don't care about who or what she is. She has turned our company into a zoo by bringing those four legged creatures into our building..”

"Caleb! Caleb, please! Help me beg Mr. Langdon for his forgiveness! We're a family! You're not just going to stand on the sidelines and do nothing, are you?" "A family?" I asked, looking at her coldly. "Did you consider the fact that we're a family when you ripped off Mom's oxygen mask? Why didn't you recall that we're a family when you just stood by and watched as I was forced to sign that promissory note?" Aunt Valerie was rendered speechless. A few seconds later, she started slapping herself. "I was wrong! I'm no better than a beast! I lost myself! Please have mercy on Jordan, Caleb. He's your cousin!"

I laugh alongside the maniac praying the story would end so I could eat more and escape to the confines of my room. “You see, Aunt Josephine felt like she was better than everyone else. Always crying about how righteous she was and how we'd go to hell for being the bastards our parents made us so I decided to get her to heaven faster. I slipped a little in her tea and when she became sicker, I slipped a little more in her tonic and it worked wonders.” The food in my tummy churns and I have this intense urge to cleanse everything from my belly. My gums go slack and for a split second, I'm gaping him before I spit out the food.

"Aiyoo! Stop crying, you will scare our Selene away" I heard this voice and recognized it immediately, "Aunt Jasmine you are finally back!". I yelled before hugging her. Aunt Jasmine is a North witch, who is an old acquaintance of Aunt Agatha and my Mom. Just like Claudio, she was sent to another pack to aid them. I'm so glad she's back, it seems everything is finally falling into place. Aunt Agatha wiped her tears, "Alright I won't cry... But I'm just so relieved... Wuahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!". She busted into tears again.

she answered as she turned to me batting her lengthy lashes and stroking her long silky hair. "Emily has a crush on Alvin??" Joseph promulgated loudly as we all rushed to hold his mouth. Josephine is a very mischievous girl like my sister, Selena. At eight, she knows more than her age. The good thing about her is that she could keep a secret. On the other hand, Joseph is just one retarded kid. It takes him a while to understand a joke. He always laugh last after a joke is being explained to him by his sister. He is who I can't trust in this mission because he is gullible.

Larson took it over with a happy face and said to Old Madam Shelby, "Mom, look, Joe is not as naive as you said he was, he even bought me flowers!" Old Madam Shelby glanced at Josiah and said, "Your aunt's birthday is the day I suffered. Shouldn't you send me flowers instead?"

She immediately goes to the kids’ table, where they are both hunched over some books. “Are you two alright?” she asks, sitting down next to them. “Emmett, did you finish your homework? And how about you, Edith?” “We’re doing good, Aunt Josie,” the little girl answers. Something about the softness of her voice makes my heart melt. “Emmett is still finishing up. He kept playing games with Lucas.” Aunt Josie. That’s the name of the woman. I can sense by the way she’s clothed and all the jewelry hanging off her body that she’s well off, possibly the owner of this diner.

Joseph said teasing me. " He has been asking me about your favorite chocolates and flowers. " Aunt Sophie said. I looked at Chris who winked at me. I saw that they were the biggest pack of my favorite chocolates and other goodies. I thanked him but I would have to tell him to stop doing such things. I opened the box of chocolates and offered it to them Joseph shook his head as he was diabitic. Aunt Sophie took one and Chris picked two of them opened it brought it in front of my mouth and kept looking at my lips. I shook my head.

"I like calling them fairy potatoes. Mama says I'm silly." "You are," Josephine said, but her tone was warm. She wiped her hands on her apron, folded just so, like she always did. Peter chuckled, brushing a crumb from his beard. "Fairy potatoes? That's a new one." "Auntie Anna. Can you pass me the salt?" She asked. I smiled and passed her the salt. She was such a cutie. I felt so at home here; I was sad that after breakfast I'd have to leave and find my own way.