Catchphrase Bart Simpson Novels & Stories

Barbie's voice echoed, "I said, how can I get a job there as a stripper."

“Not funny.” “Good day ladies, what may I get you?” Said the bartender. “Hey handsome, the usual,” Cassandra said and he blinked twice before asking. “And… what exactly is the usual?” He asked. I suddenly burst out laughing, feeling second-hand embarrassment and so did the bartender before leaning down to grab a bottle. “Here, my secret mix. It’s been a while, Cassie.” He grinned. ‘Oh… so he was just joking before?’ Now I felt a bit embarrassed.

“Battery-operated boyfriend. B-O-B. Big… Bob.” “You think Bob will do the job?” the bartender asks. I nod vigorously. He leans closer, blue eyes flashing mischief. “You should come back and give me a full report.” “Why?” I cock my head. “Are you shopping for one?” The bartender turns his head to hide his laugh. “This is better than television,” he says to the newcomer, who agrees. I rest my hands on the bar, warm all over from the praise. The bartender hands a bottle of water to the big guy, who opens it and offers it to me. Big guy is still grinning. I can just hear him thinking how cute I am. His eyes amble over me as I gulp down some water, and I almost choke.

At that moment, a clump of mud landed in Barron's mouth, he was so surprised that he stopped his attacks at once. "Sorry, your mouth looked too much like a trash can. Oh, by the way, I picked that from a farm nearby, so I can't confirm it's mud, God bless you." Barron Wide-eyed spat the thing out of his mouth and began to shake. "...Wait, are those tears in your eyes?" "...ill you..." "Could you repeat that? I can only hear shit." "...ill yoouuu..." "It also smells... Ah! Silly me, it's just your mouth."

He quickly returned her embrace as though it were natural to linger in the arms of a woman he didn't know. Bart. He didn't look like a Bart. As the introductions took place and Ernie quickly joined us, I wondered if Bart was a family name-maybe he was Bartholomew the Fourth. Not knowing his last name gave him far too much grandeur in my mind-he wasn't a king, but with Portia at his side, he resembled royalty. The only other Bart I knew was of the Simpson variety, and that didn't do, either-no sense in ruining a long-running, animated sitcom.

I think he meant excuse me. "And you thought tattooing the Barbie logo on your lower back would be a good way to be a rebel?" He snickered, planting a sloppy kiss to my cheek. "I'm a barbie goooorrrlll." I sang out loud, and Griffin broke into a fit of laughter. My stomach a growled. I can't tell if I'm hungry or if I want to fall somewhere and vomit. "Indeed you are." "Hey! Pink is such…. Good luckor. Coluck….. call- whass that word that rhymes with lolor?"

I said trying to save face. "Oh yeah?" Barry asked, his voice filled with skepticism. "I think you like mine a little bit more than most." Barry reached down and gripped the back of his balls with his right hand and gave it a firm squeeze. "Ever since you laid eyes on these bad boys, you've been sporting a huge boner..."

My friends were surprised when I jumped up and grabbed my keys. "Where is he headed?" I overheard Bart ask Calvin. "Who knows? To fuck his illiterate girl, maybe.”

“Gotta hand it to you, he really does look like one. Look at him, curling up into a pathetic ball. He looks like a shrimp!” “Hee-hee. You can’t spell ‘shrimp’ without ‘simp’, after all. He bent over backwards for me when he was just a simp, but now, he’s bent over forwards because he took a punch to the gut, like a shrimp! How ironic!” Cara remarked, chuckling in glee.

“Don’t you think that’s fucking weird?” “Language,” Celeste sings. Bart grabs a suitcase and loads it into the trunk. “Who the hell knows? The guy is the personification of weird.” “But don’t you think—” Robin starts. “Let it go, Robin,” Bart says, slamming the trunk shut. The harshness of his voice startles not only me but also Celeste and Robin. Robin stares at him with parted lips, looking as if he’d like to say more, but when he takes a breath to speak, Bart cuts him short.