Barney Stinson Phrases Novels & Stories

Just the body noticing the person it wants to be near is near. At lunch, we sat on the back steps with lemon bars June pretended to send for morale. His knee knocked mine under the excuse of balancing a paper plate. We didn’t rehash last night. We didn’t do a postmortem like first-timers who are actually auditioning for each other. He told me a ridiculous story about a vendor who tried to convince Banks that “expedited shipping” meant “we send it when Mercury goes direct.” I told him about a client who insisted on specifying a truck by color and then sent me a paint swatch called Stoic Otter. He laughed with his whole chest. The bond purred.

"When has getting to know your employees facially mean fucking them? Your mind seem to wander far Cardin" I stared at him scrutinizingly, trying to see if his intentions are sincere as he presume "fine, I'll be there tonight, I might as well catch some fun and get my mind off this daunting situation" "By catching fun you mean the ladies?" He asked, wiggling his brows "By catching fun I mean the drinks, we do not need them to survive Baron but I understand the reason why humans love to take them" "You mean the ladies?" "I mean the drink swipe ass"

Choosing a number, he hit the call button and waited to be connected. “Barry Benson,” a deep voice answered. “Barry,” Brian said, “it’s Brian.” “Brian, my man, how the fuck are you?” “About to make a fucking fool of myself,” Brian said with a resigned sigh. “Is it over a woman?” Barry asked knowingly. “Yes, but it’s worse.” “Aw, poor boy. You tell Uncle Barry all your problems,” Barry said in an annoying baby voice. “Shut up asshole,” Brian growled.

“Captain is good on a boat. At home, Captain Poppy uses Barbie as a hostage so she doesn’t have to eat carrots.” “I don’t use Barbie as a hostage.” She hugged the doll closer. “Barbie agrees with me.” “Barbie is also missing a shoe. She isn’t a credible witness.” Poppy huffed, then looked toward the front window. “Daddy should have breakfast with us.” I picked up the coffee pot. “Sadly, he is probably busy acquiring something.” “Acq—ui--what?” “It’s how rich people say, ‘I want that,’ without sounding like a little kid.”

I sat, my pulse racing. I inhaled silently as I stared at the carpet in my office. Barry stood up from his chair, but he said nothing. Please… I mused. Jay never says please. Never. He gives orders, makes demands, can even whine, but doesn’t beg. I saw his eyes. ‘Fuck you, Marcus! Get off me!’ “Yes…Yes, Jay, that’s how we do it. But,” I murmured while Barry, Shaw, and two others stared.

Susan pouted her mouth and pinched both of his cheeks. And at that moment, she looked really gorgeous. “Off course, silly …I can recognize your voice anywhere even if you try to hide it. Please next time don’t say the words “Talk to me, it is your phrase. I have heard it so many times than I can count “

"I have better things to do than talking." "Yeah, you sure do. See, uh, how do I put this without sounding stupid?" He gnawed on another apple bite, purposefully trying to get under my skin. "Ah, don't worry," he said, "I don't think there'll be any difference." As if automatic, my scathing saccharine smile stretched onto my face. "You'd know that wouldn't you?" I made sure to let the words 'after all, only stupid people understand the language of the stupid' hang in the air without actually saying it.

I murmured, turning away and starting back up the sidewalk. That had become my go-to expression lately because this new girl at the café, Mary Louellen, who’d started last month bussing tables on many of the same shifts that I waitressed, said it so often. She came from the South and had a thick-ass accent to prove it. It hadn’t taken me long to realize her “bless your heart” phrase was really secret code for “go fuck yourself.” Adoring that, I had adopted the saying for myself as a way to clean up my own language a little. Plus it was kind of fun to toss around, especially because so many people in these parts actually thought I was being nice to them when I said it. Yeah, I was wicked; it

Jean walked to his car and drove off without any other word. Barney shook his head, not wanting to believe as he watched the dust settle. He shuffled into his house, suddenly feeling 10 years older. His joints began to ache more than they normally did as he reached for his phone and dialled Avery's number. He listened to the long ring, and then the operator's voice. "The number you are trying to reach is unreachable at the moment." He took in a shaky breath and tried to call again, but was getting the same response everytime.

“Where am I supposed to sleep?” I’m used to this kind of stupid question. It’s posed like it’s something innocent, something genuine or fun, but really it’s a way to politely bash down a door that shouldn’t be opened. A harmless, kind of why not innocence thick in the tone. Underneath, there’s nothing innocent there at all. But Momma and me know, when we hear this Barney the Dinosaur bullshit, to pretend we believe the words are genuine. Everyone’s pretending something. Always. Anyways.