Dad Jokes Dirty Novels & Stories

After being married to Caden Lancaster for seven years, I find a diamond ear stud that doesn't belong to me in his suit pocket for the first time. What's more, I haven't worn jewelry in a long time. I calmly place the stud on the dining table in the living room and wait for Caden to come back with our son, Felix Lancaster. As soon as Felix walks in, he spots the sparkling stud and says with disdain, "Mom, you're wasting money again." I hold back the urge to hit him. I ignore him and shift my gaze to Caden, who is standing behind him. "Explain yourself. Whose earring is this?" I say coolly. Caden doesn't speak. He stands there as if he is frozen in place. His handsome features stiffen. Seeing the scene, Felix suddenly bursts into laughter. "Dad, did you find me a new mom? That's great!" My six-year-old son imitates the mocking tone he heard from short videos and shouts at me, "Having a plain Jane mom like you is so embarrassing! Get out of my house! This looks like Ms. Sulvan's earring. That's great! I want her to be my mom. She's pretty, gentle, and she really likes Dad." Every word cuts deeply into my heart. Upon hearing this, Caden loosens his clenched fist. He takes two shoehorns from the cabinet behind him and smacks Felix on the head. He hands both of them to me and asks in a low, grim voice, "Which one do you want, honey? The wider one or the thinner one?"

My husband, Jaxon Murray, was a renowned medical expert and owned a big company. He was participating in a clinical drug trial when someone tampered with his medication. Under the influence, he ended up entangled with an intern—ninety-nine times, right there on the lab table. When he regained clarity, he rushed home, locked himself in the bathroom, and submerged himself in the tub without food or water as he waited for me to return from work. "Lauren," he said, "my medication was switched during the trial. I made a terrible mistake. But I paid her off and had her dismissed. She'll never appear before me again." I wept miserably, clutching my belly that had once again failed to carry life. And in the end, I chose to forgive him. Several months later, he crashed into a guardrail while answering a phone call, causing me to miscarry. The injury left me unable to conceive for life. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, his voice choked with remorse. "Darling, I don't deserve you. I'm so sorry… We don't need children. We have each other, isn't that enough?" One day, I went to bring him lunch, only to find him in the next hospital room, cradling and feeding the woman he swore he'd never see again. "She's too weak to eat by herself," he said. "She has early-stage stomach cancer. There's no one else to take care of her… she's all alone." I chose to believe him. Again. Until one day, a pair of twins appeared in our home. Sophie Dixon knelt before me, wearing the postpartum gown he had once lovingly picked out for me, clutching my hand with tears streaming down her face. "It's all my fault. Please don't blame Jaxon. If you say the word, I'll leave with the children immediately." Jaxon grabbed my other hand, desperation thick in his voice. "Lauren, you've always been the kindest person I know. The children are still so young. How could Sophie possibly raise them alone? You wouldn't be that cruel… would you?" I looked down at the hands gripping mine from both sides, and suddenly, I laughed. "Jaxon, let's get a divorce. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness."

In the third year I've decided to support my girlfriend, Iris Fulton, by opening a flower shop, she has gone into bankruptcy once again. The first time she went bankrupt, I sold the house my grandma had left for me so that I could clear the debt of 700 thousand dollars. The second time she went bankrupt, I was able to locate the bank passbook Mom had left for me as a wedding gift. That was how I paid back one million and six hundred thousand dollars. The third time Iris has gone bankrupt, however, I can only grip the note with my filthy rich dad's phone number while staring at her lost and dazed expression. At that time, I'm debating whether or not I should call him. But that night, I accidentally notice the chat history on Iris' group chat that's displayed on her tablet. "Hey Iris, how many figures are you going to fill into the sum of the bankruptcy contract that's supposed to be cleared this time?" "Let's put ten million dollars. Otherwise, that flower-selling plaything will be able to clear the debt in one go. It'll make things very boring." "As expected of you, Iris! I heard that the plaything waters flowers in the morning and waters your flower garden at night. You're never tired of him, are you?" I put down Iris' tablet before calling my dad right away. "You want me to take over the family business and marry your student, right? Fine, I'll do it. Get your men to pick me up in three days."

“You want this cock, don’t you?” he whispered, his voice a dark rasp. "Say it." “Yes,” I sobbed, my body trembling. “God, yes.” ------ Chelsea Laurent caught her boyfriend in bed with her best friend. What she didn't expect... was to fall for his father. In an attempt to drink away her sorrows and spend the night with a stranger, she ran straight into the arms of a man whose touch promised the kind of ruin she craved. But before the night could turn into something irreversible, she found out he was no other than her ex boyfriend's father and fled his hotel suite, never expecting to see him again. Until she came face to face with her boss. The stranger from the hotel. Her ex’s father. Leonard Grey, billionaire, ruthless tycoon, and the most dangerous man she could possibly want.

My parents, Morris Lester and Andrea Smith, got a divorce. My younger brother, Ian Lester, goes with my mother, who marries into money, while I stay with my father, who has just gone bankrupt. However, fate has a twisted sense of humor. My mother remarries Mark Laurent, an abusive man, and her life spirals downward. My father, on the other hand, pulls himself together and builds a successful business from the ground up. Ian becomes green with jealousy. He pretends to be pitiful, begs me to take him shopping, and drives us straight into a car crash that kills us both. When I open my eyes again, we're back on the day our parents file a divorce. This time, Ian pipes up, "I want to stay with Dad and make a better life together!" I keep a straight face, but deep down, I'm over the moon. I, Ethan Lester, refuse to spend another lifetime living like a fugitive.

In order to give my boyfriend, Alaric Lovell, a surprise on our anniversary, I manage to finish my work in three days on my business trip that's originally set to be five days. But as soon as I reach the front door after a whole night's travel, I hear laughter coming from within. Just one minute ago, Alaric has texted me, saying that he misses me greatly because he's home alone. The next thing I know, the sounds of people egging on someone grow even louder. "It's your turn now, Alaric. Truth or dare? Remember, we want the juiciest details!" "Damn, you guys really are nosy, huh? Fine, I'll spill the tea. Not a single word to Elena, alright?" "Just spill already! Don't you trust us with your secrets?" "I've given my virginity to Tracy," Alaric reveals. Everyone starts going "ooh" knowingly. Meanwhile, the revelation has me stunned. Tracy? As in Tracy Sanderson, Alaric's female friend who acts like a guy around him? Before I can register what's going on, Tracy adds smilingly, "Oh, he did more than give me his virginity. He's even impregnated me in the past." That's when I fling the door open and step into the house. As I stare at the shameless couple, I smile at them. "Is that so? Where's your baby, then?"

“You can’t blame me. Her father is the richest man in this country. You’re just an orphan. You should be grateful I even dated you. I won’t mind having you as my mistress though.” These were the words of my boyfriend after catching him in bed with my best friend. If it were with any other woman, it would have been less painful. But my best friend sleeping with my boyfriend behind my back? How does one heal from that? For the first time in my life; I am going to be very mean, because how could they? Yes, I was an orphan but does that give anyone the right to trample all over me? Well, I’d become the wife of that richest man! And have them address me as “Mom”

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On New Year's Eve, my boyfriend, Brian Eggert, gives me a second-hand fake bag as my New Year's gift. Angered, I break up with him immediately before I run off to meet my best friend, Cathy Capshaw, so that I can complain about him to her. Unexpectedly, the moment I see Cathy, I suddenly hear her inner voice. "Finally, you've broken up with Brian, you bitch! He never prepared a second-hand fake bag for you—I was the one who swapped bags when both of you weren't paying attention! "I suppose you don't know jackshit, huh? The man whom you've just broken up with is actually the richest man in town. He was planning to propose to you tonight, too! "Why should you have the best guy alive? From now on, he's mine!" After hearing Cathy's inner voice, I quickly check the security footage. As expected, I see her swapping bags sneakily. Later on, I cut off all ties with Cathy and quickly reconcile with Brian after clearing up the misunderstanding with him. Soon, we get married. What I don't expect is that Brian doesn't have money at all after our marriage. On top of that, he even racks up a huge debt. Every day, I'm forced to hide from the debtors, only to fall to my death in the end. When I wake up again, I've returned to the day I can hear Cathy's inner voice.