Good Jokes To Tell

While inspecting my company’s cold-chain operations, my wife, Mandy Snow, and the college boy I’d been sponsoring suddenly vanished. As I passed the cabinet storing the research supplies, a stream of floating comments suddenly flashed before my eyes. “That was way too close! Jeff Miller almost caught them. Good thing Mandy reacted fast and dragged her boy toy into the storage cabinet.” “But that cabinet is about to be locked up and shipped to the Antarctic research station. Are those two trying to turn themselves into ice sculptures?” I froze. My wife was cheating on me right under my nose? I was just about to pull open the cabinet door when my wife’s assistant hurried over and forced a smile, blocking my way. “Mr. Miller, the seal on this cabinet was just waxed and hasn’t dried yet. Careful, or you’ll get your hands dirty.” The floating comments appeared again. “That was so close! The assistant’s pretty sharp. Once the female lead gets out, she totally owes him a car.” “No wonder she’s the lucky heroine. She always gets out of trouble. I seriously can’t wait to watch her sweet romance with her boy toy.” Looking at the comments in front of me, I let out a cold laugh. “These are critical supplies for the research team. To make sure nothing goes wrong, seal the cabinet right now.” “Go get a welder. Weld the door shut.” The assistant froze, and so did the floating comments. “What the hell? This evil supporting male character is brutal. The two people inside aren’t wearing a thing.” “Help! If the door gets welded shut, the male and female leads are going to drift at sea for a month and freeze into specimens!”

The day before the race, I burned my car and announced my withdrawal. Overnight, my fanbase collapsed. Supporters unfollowed in droves, and casual fans turned on me just as viciously. Jasper, the man who had always treated me as his only real rival, put on a show of false concern. “Without him, the race feels too lonely. No matter what, I still hope he’ll return to the track and face me properly.” I sneered. In my previous life, the racecar I had painstakingly modified ended up identical to his. No matter how many videos I released of full recordings of every step I personally took, all Jasper had to do was tearfully tell his fans, “Then let Finn use it. He needs it more than I do. I’ll win on my own strength.” And just like that, I became the shameless thief in everyone’s eyes. Later, the moment I started my car, the components inside exploded, and I was left in a vegetative state. His fans called it karma. Even on the day my fiancée pulled out my oxygen tube and watched me die, I still couldn’t understand. Why had everything that belonged to me—my career, my girlfriend—all become Jasper’s? When I opened my eyes again, I was back on the day the race schedule was first announced.

Among the wolf packs in the North, everyone knows very well that Alpha Danny Gardner from the Gronya pack is a lunatic. That wolf is a bloodthirsty and violent menace. He often presses a blood-stained claw against his opponent's throat at the negotiation table. To think that an Alpha like him loves incredibly sexy she-wolves… Recently, Danny has his eye on Serana Allen, a she-wolf from a small pack. The pack has agreed to deliver her to Danny in five days' time just to avoid inviting trouble to their doorstep. When my mate, Alpha Trey Sutton from the Sawyer pack, finds out about this matter, he goes missing for the next three days. By the time I've tracked him down in neutral territory, I happen to overhear his conversation with his Beta. "On the day of the bonding ceremony, once the convoy is done circling around the Sawyer pack's border according to the North's rules, we'll switch the route. Leah will replace Serana in traveling to the Gronya pack." The Beta keeps his voice lowered. "Don't worry, Alpha. The route has been arranged properly. But… what should we do about Leah?" Trey remains silent for a moment. "I can't just sit by and watch Serana fall into Danny's hands. None of the she-wolves who have slept with him can leave his territory unscathed. I will form a temporary bond with Serana. As for Leah… "Well, once the matter is dealt with, she will remain the pack's only Luna." As I stand outside the door, I can feel my blood turning into ice. The Alpha, whom I've loved for so many years, actually plans on marking another she-wolf at my own bonding ceremony…

Susan Miller, my father's caretaker, often complains that the supplements keep running out. The wild kingroots that are worth 500 thousand dollars are completely used up even though Susan has only made soup with them twice in a row. As I filter through the medicinal residue with a frown on my face, Susan sinks down to her knees and begins slapping herself. "They must have melted in the soup because of my lack of attention! Please dock my pay, Ms. Lawson, but please don't fire me!" But that night, I come across a post uploaded by Susan's son, Roman Cox, on Instagram. "Hi everyone! Today, I'm challenging myself to eat two wild kingroots in one go!" When I see Roman picking up a familiar-lookng giftbox, I feel my temper flaring instantly. Then, I order a packet of potent aphrodisiacs meant for animals on the spot. It turns out that Roman intends to chug down my prized Romanee-Conti in the next episode of his stream. Well then, I'll let him have his feel of drinking something else!

My daughter, Tina, locked herself in her room, crying so hard her body shook. I pried the door open and saw that she was clutching a test paper that was torn to shreds and pieced back together. It was a math Olympiad selection test. She should have gotten a perfect score, but was given a score of zero instead. "Mom," she sobbed, "the teacher said 3x5 is not equal to 5x3; that it's taking shortcuts. She tore my paper up in front of everyone, revoked my eligibility for the competition, and told the whole class not to talk to me…" I looked at the deep red scratch marks on my daughter's wrist and immediately picked up the phone to call the principal. "What good does it do for your school's reputation to drive a kid who loves math to their breaking point?"

My husband's childhood friend, Ayna Sweeney, has a compulsive sexual behavior disorder. To maintain her pure image, she secretly uses black magic to transfer part of her desire onto me. She seduces my husband, Eric Morgan, and has an affair with him, while I am overwhelmed by uncontrollable urges. I grab men on the street and beg them to sleep with me. Meanwhile, she is praised across the internet as a pure and innocent lady. After my disgraceful behavior is caught on camera and spreads online, Eric is furious and turns the blame on me. He scolds, "I've been busy lately and haven't been home much. Yet, you, the wife of the richest man, have no sense of shame at all!" I cry and tell him I've been set up by Ayna, but he dismisses it. He retorts, "Ayna and I grew up together. I know her better than you do! Just because you're jealous, you come up with such ridiculous accusations. How evil of you!" But every time the two of them secretly meet up, I lose control and desperately seek out anyone to quell my thirst for intimacy. I become a woman despised by everyone in high society. At a lavish banquet, I even start taking off my clothes in public and end up beaten to death by furious high society wives. When I open my eyes again, I am back to the day they first begin their affair.

I've gotten abandoned by my parents one week after my birth. In order to survive, I quickly call whoever picks me up "papa". The bigshots who are here for the gathering swap glances with each other. "Whose child is this? If no one wants her, then I'll adopt her." "Put her down! She called me 'papa' first!" Since then, I have 99 dads. Other than the fact that I have an extremely boisterous family, I make sure to keep to myself for the next dozen years or so. That is, until I get bullied during my high school times. Viola Mariani, the most popular girl in school, and her lackeys corner me in the washroom. Then, they start ripping my clothes off me. "So, you're the one seducing my boyfriend, hmm? Since you want to be a whore that badly, you might as well show everyone your nudes!" Since the beating I've received is a lot worse than I thought, I subconsciously shove Viola down the stairs just to protect myself. When I wake up in the infirmary, my teacher, Marianna Pagani, lashes out at me immediately. "So what if she berated you? Are you really going to kill her for that? I want you to call your parents here! I'd like to see who on earth is capable of raising an idiot like you!" Panic seizes me by the senses as I cry and plead to her, "Ms. Pagani, please don't tell my dad about this!"

The day Kris Flynn forced me to sign the divorce papers, a self-destruction system wired itself into my brain. The system ordered, [Slap him hard. Then, tell him to get out.] It startled me. Kris was ruthless by nature. If I dared to get in the way of him getting back together with his first love, he would make my life a living hell. Unfortunately, the system threatened me. [If you don’t start sabotaging your life this instant, you’ll die right now.] Without any choice, I slapped him. Fear overtook me as soon as I did it. I bolted straight out of the house. Then, the system gave me a command to smash a police car by the roadside. I was convinced the system was trying to get me killed. However, after I shattered the police car’s side mirror, I realized something. It was not my life that the system wanted me to ruin.

I went skiing alone on Valentine’s Day to clear my head. I never expected that later that night, my younger brother, Mason Cases, would show up after running away from home following a fight with our family. The front desk stopped him and asked for additional registration. I explained, "He’s my brother. He ran out after an argument and didn’t bring his ID. He’s just staying one night. I’ll take him home tomorrow." After hearing that, the receptionist, Riley Rowe, gave us a suggestive once-over, winking at my brother with a look that said, "I get it." "Alright," she said with a flirty smile. "It’s Valentine’s Day. I understand. No need to be shy." Seeing how exhausted Mason looked, I forced myself to swallow the disgust and brought him upstairs. That night, I came across a local post online. "Girls these days have no shame. Bringing some random guy back to a hotel on Valentine’s Day. She got caught and still had the nerve to lie, saying he’s her brother. Like I can’t tell?" Some users questioned whether she might have mistaken them. "I’ve worked in this industry for over ten years. There’s no way I got it wrong! She didn’t dare register him. Obviously, she’s afraid her husband will find out she’s cheating! I’m going to go listen outside their door later and livestream how loud she gets!" I froze. It couldn’t be that much of a coincidence, right? Until I opened the photo she had secretly taken. My blood turned to ice. That was me. Wait. The "random guy" she was talking about… Did she mean the one lying on the floor? But he really was my biological younger brother.

The top-tier charity auction in Manhattan is about to begin when my boyfriend’s stepsister spots a pearl necklace she likes. Wanting to buy it as her birthday gift, my boyfriend reserves a bidding seat. But due to a mistake by the organizers, the seat had actually been reserved by someone else before he booked it. An elderly lady dressed plainly says the seat is hers, yet they show no intention of yielding. I force my boyfriend to give the seat back to the woman. But Amy storms out in a fit of anger. That night, gunshots echo through the neighborhood. A stray bullet hits her, and she bleeds out on the spot. He calmly arranges her funeral, yet still keeps his promise and marries me. Soon after, my father dies in what is ruled an accident. On the day of my father’s funeral, he storms into the church with his men. Looking at me kneeling before the coffin, he smiles arrogantly. “Olivia, this is what you owe Amy! If you hadn’t stopped me that day, the seat would’ve been hers! She wouldn’t have run out in anger, and she wouldn’t have been shot! Let me tell you something—your father was killed by me. And now it’s your turn!” Right in front of everyone, he shoots my younger brother—who had been kneeling beside me, begging for mercy—dead with a single bullet. His bodyguards pin me down and drag me out of the church as I watch helplessly, his blood pooling before my father’s coffin. When I open my eyes again, my boyfriend is glaring angrily at the waiter, about to explode. What he doesn’t know is that the plainly dressed old woman in sunglasses is the mother of the current Don of the most powerful Mafia family in New York—the Morretti family. And that Don is famously devoted to his mother.