Jeff Dunham Character Peanut Novels & Stories

Hunger gnawed at my stomach, and I didn't care how late it was. I padded into the kitchen, grabbing the jar of peanut butter from the counter. Twisting the lid off, I dipped my fingers in, scooping out a generous amount. Just as I was about to bring it to my mouth, a shadow moved in front of me. Liam. I tilted my head, smirking. "You're still here?" I licked a bit of peanut butter off my finger. "How does it feel to lose, huh?"

My eyes squinted, surprised that she knew me. “We don’t have problems, then,” Dad exclaimed. Anya raised her index finger. “One thing, though,” she said, stopping us. “No peanuts for you.” “Huh? Why? I love peanuts!” She said. She grinned nervously. “Yeah, Leyanne loves peanuts. No, peanuts for you,” she said, pointing at another girl. “I’m okay with peanuts. It’s Lyra Helene who can’t eat them.” She said, pointing at her sister.

There’s another gag, this time it’s Zak. “That’s not right girls. You’re violating basic food rights. I don’t care if you’re all pregnant. You’re ruining pickles and pancakes… and peanut butter”. I see Dana’s hand sneaking for the pickle jar when Zak swipes it. “No way, lady! You’re not ruining these for me”. Her lip pouts out, “but baby, it smells so good… I want one!”.

Groceries needed restocking. Pierce's favorite peanut butter was criminally low. I opened the jar and just stood there staring at it. He dug into it, not with a spoon, or a butter spreader, but a knife. And now there was a literal hole in the center like a peanut butter volcano had erupted. No clue why he does that, but it’s weirdly adorable. I pulled on a pair of dark jeans and a loose white tee, grabbed my purse, and headed out. My hair was tied up with one of the many bows Pierce claimed were cute enough to melt his mafia rage. Whatever that meant.

"Fine, then. How about when you told me you had a super serious issue when in reality, you were worried your Batman costume for Halloween, made Batman's ears look like horns? Or how about when you told me you had a super serious issue, which was actually that you found the new teacher, Miss Lena, to be hot, and you were worried you were forgetting about your 'love' for Miss Jennifer." I stopped to throw him a smug grin. "Should I continue?" He just made a face and huffed. Typical Kevin. Kevin Thompson - star quarterback of our school, standing at 6'2 with dark shiny skin, curly black hair, a physique which many would kill to have, and a face which for some reason, girls considered handsome.

“And here you go.” “Thanks, Gwen,” Angel replied, taking it. Gwen smiled as she watched Angel bite into it. “So, how is it?” she asked, settling beside her. Angel gave her a thumbs up. Why does Charlotte deny her peanut butter? Could it be she was on a diet with her mom? Angel was halfway through the sandwich when I noticed it. She slowed. Her chewing stopped, her small fingers hovering midair as if she’d forgotten what to do next. “Angel?” I called softly.

I watch as she smears all the peanut butter I had put on the plate onto the toast and inhales it. "We have more peanut butter?" she asks between bites, and I nod; she goes to get up. "I'll get it. How much do you want?" I say, putting a hand on her leg so she doesn't get up "Just bring me the jar and a spoon," she says I get up, grab what she asked for and sit back down. She decided on 'Big Daddy,' saying we all needed to laugh when everyone except Seth and Azrael gave her odd looks. She pauses it until the pizza everyone finally agreed on arrives, and we all settle in.

“What is that you're eating?” she blurts out, eyes narrowing through the FaceTime screen. I glance from my phone to the small saucer of snacks in front of me. “It’s, um… I don’t know what it’s called. It’s made with dough, I think, and maybe peanuts and—” “Did you say peanuts?” she cuts in sharply, her face creasing with a mix of concern and confusion. “Yes, doctor. I said peanuts. Can you believe—”

I watch as she smears all the peanut butter I had put on the plate onto the toast and inhales it. "We have more peanut butter?" she asks between bites and I nod, she goes to get up "I'll get it. How much do you want?" I say, putting a hand on her leg so she doesn't get up "Just bring me the jar and a spoon" she says I get up, grab what she asked for and sit back down. She decided on 'Big Daddy', saying we all needed to laugh when everyone except Seth and Azrael gave her odd looks. She pauses it until the pizza everyone finally agreed on arrives, and we all settle in.

"Oh yes, he loves it. Said he wanted something to remind him of his childhood today." "He loves those chicken nuggets." Jock shakes his head but turns around and heads into the kitchen area, returning with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on two white pieces of bread tucked into a little Ziploc baggie just like mothers everywhere make their children in elementary school. "This is perfect. Thank you." I take the sandwich from Jock and return to the elevators eyeing the delicious treat. Except there's a problem. I was right when I said it was perfect. It's too perfect. Vincent doesn't deserve a sandwich of this high quality.