Jeff Dunham Character Peanut Novels & Stories

Verena I chewed on my meat slowly, almost thankful for the five minutes of peace when Atlas broke the silence, my gaze flicking to his because what the fuck was he up to again? “Little sister, I got you packets full of peanuts…” I froze, turning to look at him as if he had lost his mind. I didn't like peanuts and had an… Daxton's eyes jerked up to his. “Why did you get her peanuts ? How do you not know that she is allergic to them?”

"Is this lunch?" "Whenever you wanna eat it." He shrugs. "It's just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with some chips and cookies." "What kind of peanut butter and jelly?" "Crunchy peanut butter, strawberry jelly on white." "And the chips?" "Funyuns. I put a breath mint in there too, because I know you're self-conscious about it." I'm feeling lucky to know he's remembered all of this about me. For some reason I need to know he remembers the rest. "What about the cookies?"

I thrumphantly grabbed the jar and struggled to my feet. "Goddess, I can bench press twice my weight and am generally freakisly fit, but carrying this pup around is one hell of a workout." I grumbled. "Well, I don't think you should be doing prolonged crunches looking for peanut butter jars. Normal people would ask a friend to get it for them." Dakota smirked as I opened the jar and smothered a spoon full of peanut butter on a piece of chocolate. Andy watched me closely as I ate the concotion.

With a frustrated grunt, i walk to the school parking lot and meet Kyle standing coolly with his back leaning on the drivers seat of his car, waiting for me. "Took you long enough " he says and i just jump in the car. "let's just go " he gives me a weary look and then breaks into a grin as if sensing that I'm in a bad mood and he knows exactly what would cheer me up. And damn, he does. "Peanuts?" My gaze sharply meats a bag of milky coconut peanuts he's waving in my face. My absolute favorite. I don't even realize when a small smile forms at my lips, i just grab it and begin to munch and i feel so much better already.

Then: "Maybe." His voice barely worked. Then Peanut frowned. Thinking. Really thinking. Then she walked over. Slowly. Then grabbed his hand. Then: "That's dumb." Silence. Then: "Really dumb." Then: "I don't like it." Honestly? Fair. Very fair. Reasonable actually. Then several people laughed through tears. Then Peanut continued. Then: "But if you save everybody..." Pause. Then: "...we can just be friends again." Nobody spoke. Then Peanut shrugged. Like it was obvious.

"William Shakespeare who? its Kristopher Farmington!" Namjoon entered with Derek who was eating carrots. "Papa lets eat together. you need the energy" Everyone laughed at Derek's unwillingness to eat vegetables and cute cunning behaviour to get rid of them

“You don’t wanna be best buds with arachno-face? Jeff clutched his arm and dug his foot in the ground, trying to breathe quietly. God, it hurts! There was a brief silence, then the kid who wasn’t Preston spoke. “Cut it out!” His voice cracked on a high note. “Keep your dick pointed at your own urinal, man.” “Dude, I’m just messing with you. Don’t get your panties twisted.” Preston’s snort echoed off the walls. “And speaking of aardvarks, what’s with your dick, man? It looks like an anteater.”

He turned around and hit a button, and the round globe began to slowly spin. "All the good litter falls through here, and the stuff you would usually scoop falls into this hole. Every time Peanut goes to the bathroom, a few minutes later the sucker goes off and cleans it for him. Or I should say for me. Then I'm not coming home to a smelly litter box after a long day at work." Ethan said, as he slipped past his mates and grabbed Peanut's carrier before walking toward their bedroom. "Um, are you going to let that thing loose in our bedroom?" Hughes asked as he scratched the back of his neck.

“I think you’ve lost that privilege for making me panic like that. So, Adventure Hour. And that has nothing to do with the fact that I love the dumb humor in that show, nothing at all.” “I see. I see,” I said, nodding sagely and taking another bite. “Damn. I would definitely get high-blood pressure if I ate this every day, but it’s fucking great.” “I told you. It’s weird, but at least it’s not peanut butter-and-tuna weird. This at least tastes good,” she said. “No offense to your mom.” We started the show—a strange fever dream of a cartoon involving a collection of kingdoms themed for food and a boy whose dog was his brother.

[6 days later ] "DID YOU EAT MY SANDWICH? ?!!" Peach yelled . "I didn't babe " Aiden replied. "I AM NOT YOUR BABE ...GIVE ME MY NUTELLA! !!!" She yells again . "Dude calm your girlfriend down " Jason speaks "WHAT THE FUCK !!?? I AM NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND!!!!" I laughed at her burst out . "Clam down ...here you go " Aiden gave her the sandwich and she snacthed it from him .