The Apocalypse Hoarder
"But me? I can help. If you need fast money, I've got connections."
Cyrus gave him a cautious look. "You? Are you sure? I need at least 1,000,000 dollars."
The punk's eyes lit up. 'Big fish.'
He whipped out a business card. "Our company specializes in rescuing people from desperate situations. If you need money, you came to the right place."
The card read: [Duomore Finance. Mason Hackett, Sales Manager.]
Cyrus' face brightened with feigned excitement. "You can really lend me money? I need a million. Help me through this, and I swear I'll pay it back within three months."