Sweet Pampering

I'm the female protagonist of a spicy novel. One day, the system tosses me into an innocuous novel to be reformed. What a joke! I turn to the male protagonist. "Hi there. Want to make out?" He has me thrown behind bars and accuses me of molesting him. Much later, he does even naughtier things than the male protagonists in spicy novels do.

The little boy I had saved when we were kids grew up to be a possessive, obsessive CEO. For ten years, he kept me by his side, using my grandmother's illness as a bargaining chip to force me into marrying him. He tried everything to win my heart, pulling every trick in the book, but no matter what he did, he could never make me love him. In a fit of rage, he found a woman who looked almost exactly like me to take my place. They flaunted their relationship for everyone to see, and people whispered that the CEO had finally found his true love. But that day, the woman, riding on his affection, barged into the villa with her entourage. She broke my fingers one by one, slashed my face with a utility knife, and removed my clothes to humiliate me. "Even though you had surgery to look like me, I'll let that slide. But you even learned to paint like me, too? You really did your homework. Let's see how you try to seduce men now!" Just as I was bleeding out and on the verge of death, the obsessive CEO finally showed up. The stand-in grabbed my hair and dragged me in front of him, smugly reporting, "Honey, this wench was hiding in the villa trying to seduce you. I've made sure she can't succeed!"

I found out I was pregnant in the middle of a fight with my husband. How should I tell him without embarrassing myself too much? I decided to ask the Internet, and the netizens gave me a ton of advice based on their years of experience reading novels. One, run away with your unborn baby. Two, pretend to gag over lunch. Three, put his number into the abortion registration form… When he came to me in a frenzy, I belatedly realized, ‘Crap, I think I went too far!’

After my succubus bloodline awakened, I made a habit of rating the CEO as "just okay" every single time he satisfied me. It was a guaranteed hit to his pride, right where it hurt. And like clockwork, he would grow colder, sharper, and even more determined to prove himself all over again. I glitched him into being obsessed with me for three straight years. That was, until my family finally arranged a so-called "perfect" bonding match for me. Just as I was getting ready to run, a flood of comments suddenly appeared in front of my eyes. [Eva, are you seriously doing this? If you run now, you'll be on the bed with him forever!] [Poor Arnold. He was in bed this morning, happily ordering toys and incubus outfits online, completely unaware his girlfriend was about to vanish!] [This is hilarious! She never realized he is an incubus and he never knew she is a succubus, either. They were both pretending to be human. I need to know what happens when he drags her back. I'm begging for the tail-around-the-waist scene!] [Run, Eva, run! I can't wait for Arnold to realize he got played and go completely unhinged. I can't even imagine how steamy the scene would be!]

I transmigrated into a dating-sim otome game where I was supposed to romance a soft, fragile male lead. I had finally pushed him onto the bed and was just about to make my move when the long-missing system finally popped back online. [Host, I sent you to the wrong game. This is a horror game.] [The man you’re bullying right now is the horror game final boss.] I lifted my head and met a pair of blood-red eyes staring straight at me. My smile froze. “Um… you look a little tired. Maybe we should… continue this another day?” He smiled back, calm and terrifying. “I’m not tired. Go on.”

Lately, buying succubi and incubi online had become all the rage. I could not afford one, so I picked one up from the side of the road instead. It turned out the quality of this incubus left a lot to be desired. Not only did he have a terrible temper, but he showed absolutely no interest in me. He would rather starve than "feed". Left with no other options, I snapped a photo of his incubus mark and sent it to the shop owner, asking how to handle this particular model. The shop owner completely lost it. "Oh my god, please tell me you're joking! That's not an incubus! That's a demon! The most dangerous kind!"

I saw a post while scrolling through my social media. [Adult male merman for sale. Hard to tame. Letting go for cheap.] I commented, [I'll take him.] The seller asked for ten thousand dollars and promised doorstep delivery. When I opened the package, the merman was nowhere near 160 pounds. He barely weighed over a hundred. His skin was sallow, his ribs visible beneath it, and his tail fin was rotting at the edges. I messaged the seller, [I want a refund.] The message failed to go through.

My period is delayed once again, so I need to visit the gynecology department. In order to avoid embarrassing myself in public, I specifically ask for a doctor with a feminine name. That's how I make an appointment with Dr. Jessie Lloyd. But it turns out that Jessie is a man! After the initial embarrassment, I realize that Jessie is looking at me weirdly.

When I learned that the villain was a merman who dropped pearls whenever he cried, I took out the discarded pregnancy test stick from the trash can and headed toward the rooftop. "Well, how many babies do you merfolk have in one pregnancy? Do they eat fish food or baby formula?" Theo Atwater, who was attempting suicide, slipped and almost fell from the 18th floor. I shook my head with a sigh. "Forget it. I'll just throw the baby into the sea after giving birth." Later, when the baby was born, Theo was too scared to sleep, fearing that I would release the baby into the sea. When the female lead, Melody Carlisle, and the male lead, Reagan York, were arguing and came to see us, he was looking at our baby’s swimming results and roaring, "You're one of us merfolk. How could you be afraid of water?"

I am a little ditzy all the time, and my mind is often hazy. Three years ago, I bring home a handsome drunk guy in a daze. After he wakes up and stares at me for a while, he suddenly says, "Let's get married." I do not feel like thinking too much, so I nod. Just like that, I spend three years as the wealthy Nolan Steele's wife. I am free to shop as I please, and I live in a luxury villa. I just find out I am pregnant and have not had time to tell Nolan yet when he hands me a divorce agreement. "I have gone bankrupt. This is the last sum of money. Take it and leave." At that moment, a few lines of comments suddenly appear before my eyes. "Whoa! Nolan's first love, Celia Sanders, has returned from abroad!" "Is he pretending to go bankrupt just to dump Lyra so that he can chase after his true love?" "He got drunk back then because Celia left the country. Lyra is just a substitute!" Oh? So I'm just a substitute… I nod slowly and say, "Okay. Let's get a divorce, then." The light in his eyes instantly goes out. I look at him, feeling like there is something I have forgotten to say. Forget it. I will say it when I remember.