I want you to think back to those nights when you were a child, lying in your bed as branches began to scratch at your window and the wind howled outside. Do you remember looking at the shadows in your room, only to realise that the longer you looked at them the more dangerous they appeared? Those branches suddenly began to look like the claws of a monster, scratching at your window looking for a way in. The shadows would begin to turn into ominous figures that looked as if they were moving closer. You’d lay there frozen, shutting your eyes tight as your heart pounded away, your body cold with dread as you felt danger all around. What if I told you that feeling was more than just a feeling?
There are beings in this world – beings we call eyti, who were once human like you – corrupted and deformed by their own malice to the point they became the thing you feared as a child. They became the darkness; shadows that move, preying on everyone around them. Getting close to them is something you’ll never forget. That cold, empty feeling that sinks deeper than your bones. It pierces your very soul, leaving a haunting memory of their presence, and forever reminding you of how close you came to eternal torment.
To encounter the eyti is to experience true purgatory, but despite what scriptures and tales from the Inferno would have you believe, it is not a stepping stone to heaven. It is not where we cleanse our souls before ascending to a higher place. It is true, unending torment. Trapped as a bodiless being bound by your own misery, forced to spread it like a plague. These beings exist, and I am the being tasked with protecting you from them. I may be immune to their influence, but I am not unaffected.
For thirty-thousand years I have saved humankind time and time again from the dark forces of the eyti. I have been touched by darkness more times than I can count, and each time I feel it cling to me just a little longer. I feel the coldness moving through my bones, and that heavy, inescapable feeling of loneliness surrounding me. It feels like the walls are moving in and I’m powerless to move against them.
As I land in the vast backyard of my private home, enclosed by the beautiful ponderosa pines and Douglas firs that make up so much of the Helena, Montana landscape, I feel the presence of the eyti still with me. Though my body feels electrified as my grand bird form is replaced by my human one, it does not erase the frigid sensation that lingers within me. I rub my arms in a futile attempt to erase the chill of the eyti with friction, even though I know you can’t erase a feeling like this. Just ask Nietzsche.
Not many people know this, but Nietzsche was almost the victim of an eyti but was fortunately saved in time by my brother. It led him to write that famous quote of his, “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”
For thirty-thousand years I’ve gazed into that abyss. An abyss of shadow with piercing purple eyes of doom, and I have felt it gaze back at me. Even I wonder how long before I too become the very monsters I fight.
I do my best, as usual, to shake off this indescribable cold, pushing it to the back of my mind as I have done many times before. I look up at the glowing warm light emanating through the glass windows of my private residence and I feel comfort quickly replace the empty void that clung to my being like a noxious weed, sucking the very joy from my essram. I walk up the steps of the front patio, dimly lit lights shining through all three stories of the mostly glass walls connecting that allow us to remain connected to the natural beauty around us. I keep telling Ayawamat that we don’t need every light in the house on, but he never listens to me.
I walk up to the front door and as I place my hand on the handle I hear moans and grunts that have an entirely different – though still unpleasant – sensation moving through my stomach. I debate just turning around and leaving, but I desperately want to go inside and shower. I can confidently stand down an army of eyti, but my brother’s sexual escapades…that’s when I wave my white flag.
Bracing myself, I swing open the glass door and step inside. The sounds of sex increase in volume as I step inside, my face crumpling in disgust as I shut the door. I walk down the foyer into the vast living room only to wish I’d had the forethought to walk in with my eyes shut. There in the living room is some blonde woman I’ve never seen before, spread-eagled on the sofa with my brother kneeled on the floor pounding away, but as if that weren’t enough to make me want to pry my eyes from their sockets, it’s all made worse by the somewhat plus-size man with ebony skin who is kneeled behind my brother going to town on him.
Just fucking fantastic. It’s every sister’s desire to come home from a long day of saving humankind to find their brother is the filling in a multi-racial sandwich. I avert my eyes as quickly as I can and make a beeline for the stairs, racing to the third floor. Thankfully I don’t think they noticed me as the three of them seemed far more preoccupied. I head straight for the bathroom and proceed to lock the door.
Eighteen years laterThe trees and plants of the forest hide my position, where I watch and listen from a distance to the bustling sounds of Longsang. Pain lances my heart, and anger holds my body in a vice as I observe the nagata going about their day, smiling and laughing, completely unincumbered. The sounds of their joy pierce my soul, taunting me as the haunting words of my father’s rejection echo through my mind.“You are nothing but an abomination. Your mother should have disposed of you when she had the chance.”Even now, I hear those words as if they were spoken just moments ago. He didn’t look at me and see a daughter, he saw a plight on his bloodline; a stain against his name. He thought I was weak…but he couldn’t have been more wrong. He robbed me of a family and sense of community just as much as my mother did. I was a child born of two species yet welcomed by none.For years I tried to find acceptance among the nagata who escaped Longsang during its seclusion, but just li
I watch Orenda sleep, her beautiful 7-foot-long body curled up beside me. I listen to the sounds of her steady heartbeat and soft breathing, each one feeling like a song written just for me. Looking down at her, I can’t believe how much has changed. It wasn’t all that long ago that I couldn’t have fathomed giving control to Orenda. If I could go back in time and beat sense into myself and spare us all the resulting heartache of my ignorance, I would.There is something mind-blowingly erotic in surrendering to your other half. I used to feel a need to dominate her, but hearing her willingly tell me her exact wants and desires is quickly becoming my new favourite seduction. Hearing her sweet voice tell me just how she likes it and what she wants me to do to her had me harder than the cage that once bound me. Surrendering to her made me feel invigorated in a way I never have and gave me the power to make her scream my name. She never screamed my name before. Now that I’ve heard how my na
After putting Xiema to sleep, I quietly step out of her room. As I carefully close the door behind me, I catch the wonderful aroma of morning glory. I glance down in awe at the trail of Heavenly Blue morning glories scattered across the hallway floor. Their azure-blue trumpet-shaped petals are open, showcasing their white and yellow throats as their fragrance perfumes the air and brings a smile to my face.Inquisitively, I follow the trail down the hall and around the corner until I’m standing in front of Azadou’s bedroom. With my curiosity growing, I gently rap my knuckles against the door. I sense Azadou inside and can hear his heart rate increase, growing louder as he walks towards the door. When the door opens, my mouth begins to salivate as his intoxicating scent hits me with the force of a cyclone. I almost start drooling when I take in the sight of his defined, bronzed, muscular physique standing in front of me. It takes all of my willpower to draw my eyes up and away from his
I thought I was done walking into unfamiliar terrain; that I no longer had to face the trepidation that comes with confronting the unknown, yet here I am, still feeling like a newborn suckling at the teat of unclaimed knowledge with a desperate thirst for guidance and understanding.Steeling myself, I knock on Ayawamat’s door. I hear his sigh on the other side of the door, followed by the sounds of him getting up and padding over to the door. He opens it, his arm outstretched against the frame as his rainbow eyes gaze at me with disinterest.“Yes?” he prompts lazily.Glancing over his shoulder, I notice the mountains of books open on his bed and scattered across the floor. “Am I interrupting?” I question curiously, suspecting his research pertains to the hunt for his unwanted animai.“You are, so make it snappy,” he answers brusquely.I breathe deep into my lungs and speak, “I need your help.”His eyebrow raises in intrigue. “I’ve been alive a long time, and you’re the first God to as
I have never been happier than I am right now. Every sound that comes out of Xiema is aimed directly at my heart, and I can’t get enough of it. When my bond with Azadou clicked the first time we met, it brought out an intense and unhealthy addiction in me. I think my addiction to my daughter has surpassed even that, but the jury is still out on how healthy it is or isn’t. All I want to do is hold her, love her, make her smile and take in every precious moment I have with her. I didn’t know I could love someone this much, but what I do know is that for as long as I live, I will do everything in my power to protect her, no matter what, and I’m not the only one.I thought Azadou was attentive of me during my pregnancy, but holy crap! Azadou is Super Dad. The moment she makes so much as a tiny murmur, he’s right there. It’s almost to the point that we’re both fighting – playfully – over who gets to hold our daughter, and doting Uncle Aya just loves acting as the tiebreaker. One of Azadou
“What was that noise?” Azadou asks, looking at me with worried eyes.“I…I think my water just broke,” I answer, my voice quivering.Looking down, I see clear liquid running down my legs past the hem of my dress. I take a breath to keep calm, but that plan dissolves, and I pale when a heavy stream of blood follows the path of liquid down my thighs. Panic sets in, and suddenly all I can hear is the furious pounding of my own heart.Too fast for me to comprehend, I feel weightless, then I feel something soft against my body. In a disoriented state, I realise I’m looking up at some kind of circular, gothic canopy, but I don’t have time to contemplate it when a wave of pain accompanied by an intense tightening sensation radiates through my abdomen, right around to my back. It comes on so fast and so suddenly that I can’t hold back my scream.I feel large hands on my face, and a set of piercing purple eyes locking me in their gaze as I try to breathe through the pain. “It’s going to be alri