Chapter 3

I fell ill after the fall. A doctor came to the house every day for the IV drip.

Today the line had just been set up when Ethan walked in fast. He shot the nurse dead, yanked the needle out of my hand, and blood welled up from the back of it. Then he put a bullet through the vase on the side table, for no reason at all.

"Anya. Who gave you the right to move my people? What the hell made you think you could send her to Bordertown? You know the feds are running a sweep out there right now."

He chambered a round and put the gun to my head.

I looked at him, disbelief filling my eyes.

Back when we ran the casino together, a soldier just looked at me a second too long and Ethan put a bullet in him. Now he was pointing a gun at my head because I'd reassigned Julie.

"You're that scared something might happen to her?" I said.

He hesitated and lowered the gun slowly. Something almost like panic moved across his face. "Don't change the subject."

I let out a cold laugh. I grabbed his wrist and redirected the barrel back at my head. "Then shoot me. Go ahead. Do it for her."

His hand went rigid. He pulled the gun back and stepped away.

"Anya—"

I looked at him, pressed the back of my bleeding hand to the sheet, and reached into the drawer. I set the separation agreement on the bed.

"Ethan. I know everything. I saw it all. Our marriage is over, and I'll make that announcement to the whole family."

He snatched the papers, crumpled them, and threw them at the floor. "Over my dead body!"

"Why?" I almost laughed for real. "I'm stepping aside. What more do you want?"

He met my eyes. His voice dropped.

"Yeah, I've been with someone else. But honestly, hand on your heart, what's left between us? No spark. I know your body, I've touched every inch of it, and I don't feel anything anymore. I'm a man. I need something alive."

"Julie knows how to make me feel things I haven't felt in years. I'm not cutting her off. And you're not leaving."

My fingers were shaking. "Ethan. You bastard!"

I swung at him. He caught my wrist, his thumb pressed against my pulse.

"I have no feelings for you anymore," he said, his voice smooth and almost gentle. "But the whole family respects your position. We shouldn't get divorced."

I yanked. He held tighter. A smile at the corner of his mouth.

I went after him, really went after him, tried to take the gun. He threw me onto the couch.

"You're insane." His eyes had nothing but contempt in them. "You’re wild and unreasonable, nothing like the gentle Donna. Julie is far more sensible than you."

That landed.

Because I was always like this. In the trash heaps, fighting for food. Throwing myself in front of a knife for him. Biting down on whoever tried to touch him and not letting go. He used to say that was exactly what he loved.

Somewhere along the way, he'd changed.

He crouched down beside me.

"We can't divorce. Not while the business depends on it. If you're unhappy, you can find someone else. You have no right to stop me just because you refuse to do the same."

He set his voice to something careful, almost kind.

"Anya. You're still young. We can have an open arrangement. It's not fair to either of us to stay locked into one person for life. This is better for you."

I stared at him.

My hand was still bleeding. My head was spinning and he was blurring at the edges. He said all of this like he was doing me a favor. Like it was reasonable. He was certain I would never actually go find someone. That's why he could say it.

His phone rang. He glanced at the screen, and the irritation drained out of his face. His eyes went soft.

"Julie needs me. Rest up."

He looked back once, saw my eyes were closed and got no answer, and left without another word.

I blacked out. When I came to, my phone screen was lit up. A video: Ethan and Julie in bed, his hands everywhere, his voice low, saying he wanted her to carry his child.

I watched it and felt nothing.

I scrolled to an unsaved number and called it. The voice on the other end was deep and quiet.

I spoke first. "What you offered before. I'm in."