Kabanata 12

I was never ready for romantic relationships. I was never ready for that kind of love.

Yes, I may have wanted the kind of love my grandparents have, but not to the extent of looking for it. I'll wait for it to come. Hindi naman ako nagmamadali, I have set my goals before anything else. Pero kung mayroon mang dumating, aba, hindi naman ako tatanggi sa grasya.

Thou shall not reject the grace from God.

Ilang araw na ang nakalipas magmula noong pagpapahiwatig niya ng nararamdaman niya sa akin. Up until now, he doesn't know I remember that. Ang akala niya, hindi ko maaalala kasi lasing ako. I was drunk, alright, pero nahimasmasan na ako noong nasa manoir na. So I remembered everything from there. Even my dumbest and hilarious moments. I cannot believe it!

Ang hindi ko lang maintindihan, ay kung paano niya ako nagustuhan gayong kakakilala pa lang naman naming dalawa?

Is it love at first sight?

Or was... was he attracted to me since then?

Hindi ako nag-aassume. He told me he knew my brother for a very long time already. He's basically my brother's first best friend, aside from me. So, maybe, he had liked me since then? Imposible namang hindi niya ako kilala noon?

Pero, he said he was in the UK for years? Minsanan lang siyang narito sa Pilipinas. How could he possibly keep his feelings hidden for that long? Or how is his feelings for me still there when it has been already years and yet, I don't even know him? There was also no assurance from me! And given the distance! 

This has been making me think too much for a while now. Hindi ako makatulog ng maayos dahil dito. Marami akong hindi naiintindihan at gustong malaman.

And these thoughts and unanswered questions will only subside when I've already confronted him about it.

The only question is, how? How am I gonna face him? How are we gonna talk about it casually?

"I noticed you've been spacing out lately, Atheeva Narelle."

I almost jumped in shock when Apollo suddenly showed up in front of me. Bigla na lang talaga siyang sumusulpot. Sanay naman na ako pero nagugulat ako lalo na tuwing hindi ko inaasahan- o sumusulpot siya tuwing malalim ang iniisip ko.

"Huh?"

"We're not twins for nothing." Irap ng kapatid ko sa akin. "I always know when you're uneasy, or a lot of thoughts running inside that amazing head of yours, goddess of wisdom. I know you so damn well, sister. So, care to share?" Tumabi siya sa akin ng upo dito sa duyan sa garden ng manoir.

I cleared my throat and formed the questions in my mind.

"What would be your reaction when.. someone.. confesses their.. uh, feelings for... you?" Dahan-dahang tanong ko sa kapatid kong kumakain ng chips.

Muntik na niyang mailuwa ang kinakain dala ng gulat sa tanong ko. Nabulunan ang baliw at malakas na umubo. Agad ko namang hinimas ang likod niya, wala pa namang tubig sa malapit.

"W-What the hell, Athena? Someone already confessed to you?" Gulat niyang tanong.

"Uh-huh.." I mumbled, slightly having fun of his reaction.

"Sino 'yan at kailan siya nag-confess?"

"Uh, last week.." Alinlangan akong ngumiti sa nag-aalburoto kong kambal.

"Ano?! Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi? Bakit hindi ko alam 'to? Ano, nagtatago ka na sa'kin?!"

Inirapan ko siya. Napaka-OA talaga nito.

"I opened up this topic to you not to be questioned but to answer the questions in my mind, Apollo."

Nilihis ko ang paningin ko at pinagtuunan ng pansin ang nagkukulay kahel na kalangitan.

"You started it, got me curious." Kibit-balikat niya.

"Back to the main question, Apollo. What would be your reaction nga? If ever na may nag-confess sa'yo unexpectedly? Like, the person you least expected to confess to you happened to confess at a very unexpected moment."

"Ang gulo mo magpaliwanag, buti na lang naiintindihan ko pa rin kahit papaano." Inirapan niya ako.

"But," He trailed off. "I'd probably be shocked, huh. Lalo na kung ang taong gusto ko ang nag-confess sa akin.."

"But what if it was someone you don't like? Or you just met?" Wala sa sariling tanong ko habang nakatingin sa kawalan.

"What the fuck?!" I heard him curse so loud. I think he already knows now who I am pertaining to, huh.

Huminga siya ng malalim, tila kinakalma ang sarili.

"Ares confessed to you." It wasn't a question. He blurted it out like he was so sure of his statement and he doesn't need to ask anymore.

Well, totoo naman.

Hindi ko siya sinagot at nanatili lamang nakatingin sa kawalan, malalim na nag-iisip.

"I suggest you confront him as soon as possible for your peace of mind, sister." The last thing my brother said before he left me in the garden, giving me another alone time to think about everything.

"Athena," Mama called. Narito na ulit kami sa bahay. Our other cousins decided to stay at the manoir because their parents are out-of-the-country for business matters.

Noong isang araw pa ang pag-uusap naming iyong ng kapatid ko pero hindi pa rin mawala wala sa isipan ko ang mga sinabi niya at ng kaibigan niyang may itinatagong nararamdaman para sa akin.

"Malapit na ang birthday niyo ng kambal mo. Do you have any plans yet?" Mama asked.

"I don't know of Apollo's plans but personally, I want to visit the hospital, Mama, the day before or after our birthday. I just want to.. celebrate it with your patients." I said. Mama smiled at me. Lumapit siya sa akin at hinalikan ako sa noo.

"I'm so proud of you, of what you've become, Atheeva. Always remember that."

"Athena!" Naputol ang pag-uusap namin ni Mama dahil sa biglaang pagdating ng mga kaibigan ko.

Isa-isa silang humalik sa pisngi ko, pati kay Mama, bago nila ako ipagpaalam na dalhin sa pool area para chikkahin. Tumango lang si Mama at nakangiting tinignan kaming magkakaibigan.

Hinila ako ng tatlo papunta sa pool area. Naupo kami sa iisang sun lounger (they're clingy, yep) at sinimulan na nila akong chikkahin.

"Holy mother of cows! You're turning twenty-two in a couple of days!" Lian exclaimed bago ako hinawakan sa balikat at niyugyog ng bonggang bongga.

"So, what's the plan?" Tanong kaagad ni Hera.

"I plan to celebrate my birthday at the hospital with Mama’s patients. Siguro the day before or after our birthday." I shrugged.

"Napakabutihin mo talagang nilalang, Eva." Lian chuckled.

"I suggest the day before ka nalang mag celebrate sa hospital. Para sa birthday mo talaga you're with your fam, tapos the next day you'd be with us!" Magui suggested happily.

"True. Apollo and I planned something."

Otomatikong tumaas ang isang kilay ko sa narinig mula kay Hera. I looked at her in a way that somehow made her uncomfortable so she tore her eyes off me.

"Gosh, don't look at me like that." Naiilang na reklamo niya, nakaiwas pa rin ng tingin sa akin. Tumawa ako para maibsan ang pagkailang niya.

"What plan are you talking about?" Tanong ko na lang.

"Uh, a post-birthday trip in Bantayan Island?" Hera cutely smiled at me.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

"What?!"

Bantayan Island is my favourite place. Kahit isang maliit na island iyon na hiwalay sa siyudad ng Cebu ay dinadayo ko pa rin talaga iyon. Napakaaliwalas ng lugar na iyon at maganda ang beach, white sand pa!

Saan ka ba naman at ginagamit ko lang ang yate na pagmamay-ari ng tiyuhin para lang makapag-unwind doon. Kapag hindi naman available ang pribadong yate ay sumasakay ako sa pampasaherong barko ng shipping lines na pagmamay-ari pa rin ng pamilya namin. And of course, I do pay the fare. We support the family's business pa rin naman, 'no.

"We all know Bantayan is your favourite place. Sinuggest agad iyon ni Apollo noong sinabi kong maganda kung mag three-day trip tayo." Dagdag pa niya sabay kibit-balikat.

My heart warmed at the thought of them doing such effort for me. Apollo dislikes beaches because his skin is a little bit sensitive. He's prone to itching when in contact with sand. But still, he suggested the very place he knows he could not survive, even for a few days, just because it is my favourite place.

Palagi na lang talaga si Apollo ang nag-aadjust para sa akin. He's annoying at times but he'd literally do everything just to make me happy.

And I know I'd do the same, for him.

"Hey," Apollo kissed my cheek when he got home. He brought his friends with him. Siguro para mapag-usapan iyong sinasabi ni Hera na birthday trip.

I smiled and wrapped my arms around his waist. Patagilid akong nakayakap sa kanya habang siya naman ay nakaakbay sa akin.

Nahagip ng tingin ko si Ares na nasa malayong likod niya, nakahalukipkip at matiim na nakatingin lamang sa aming dalawa ng kapatid ko. Nakaramdam ako ng ilang kaya napaiwas kaagad ako ng tingin.

Nagtungo kami sa balcony sa ikalawang palapag ng bahay. Presko kasi ang hangin sa gawing ito at puro berde lamang ang makikita. Mula rito ay tanaw rin ang pool sa ibaba.

"Clear your schedules on May twenty-fourth to twenty-seventh. We're going on a trip." Pag-imporma ni Apollo sa lahat. "We're going to Bantayan Island the day after Athena and I's birthday. We'll stay there for three days." He added with a small smile on his lips.

"It's actually a good place to unwind. I know you guys have a lot on your plate right now and the least I could do for the gang is to make you guys forget what bothers you even just for three days only. It's a good time to have a vacation since malapit na rin matapos ang summer." Ani Hera na ikinangiti ng iba sa amin.

"How do we get there?" Tanong ni Harry na kasalukuyang tumutungga ng alak sa beer-in-can na hawak.

"By sea, bro. Hindi tayo magpaprivate plane papunta roon kasi hindi tayo masyadong malilibang kapag nasa himpapawid. I'll ask Uncle Max if we could borrow the yacht. We'll ride a van from here to the seaport." Saad ni Apollo.

Tumagal pa ng ilang oras ang pagpaplano namin para sa trip. Nakapagpaalam na ako kay Mama at payag naman siya. The others are still not sure if they could come, lalo na kung hindi payagan ng mga magulang nila.

My girls were too excited for the trip but I noticed Hera was kind of off. Makes me wonder if she's got a problem?

Then I remembered. Oh, kailangan niya palang magpaalam kay Zeus sa whereabouts niya. But then, it makes me kind of pissed. Why does she need to ask for permission kay Zeus when it's just us, her friends, tapos kasama pa ang nakatatanda niyang kapatid.

I'm starting to dislike that Zeus for my bestfriend, huh. I swear if he break's my girl's heart, aawayin ko siya.

Harry decided to drive the girls home. Sus, para-paraan lang para makasulyap sa crush niya, e.

Akmang aakyat na ako sa hagdan nang may pumigil sa akin. A large hand enveloped my wrist. Napatigil ako sa paglalakad at kalaunan ay napaharap kay Ares na siyang pumigil sa akin.

Napatingin ako sa likod niya at nakita ang mga kaibigan na maingay na nagkukwentuhan sa sala.

Akala ko ba uuwi na sila?

"Tita X let us stay for a while. Dito na raw muna kami mananghalian." Agap ni Ares, siguro ay nakita ang pagkalito sa ekspresyon ko.

"Oh, o-okay." I mentally slapped my face. Why did I have to stutter in front of his face?!

"Uh, may kailangan ka pa ba?" Tanong ko sabay tingin sa malapad niyang kamay na nanatili pa ring nakahawak sa pulsuhan ko.

Mabilis naman niyang binawi ang kamay na agad lumipad sa batok niya. Kinamot niya ito at pinanatili ang tingin sa may paanan namin.

It took a while before he finally raised his head to meet my gaze and spoke the words that made me stoned in my place for a moment.

"Iniiwasan mo ba ako, Athena?"

"H-Huh? No! What makes you think I'm avoiding you?" Mabilis kong sabi na sinamahan pa ng pekeng tawa.

He raised a brow. Kusang tumigil ang tawa ko at mariing ipinaglapat ang mga labi.

"H-Hindi naman sa ganoon, A-Ares.."

"You're stuttering now. So, you're really avoiding me, huh? I thought we're.. good now?”

"No, Ares, it's not like that. I’m not avoiding you. And yes, we’re good friends now. I just have a lot in my mind lately that I don't get to interact much with people." I sighed. Sana gumana ang palusot ko. Sana naman paniwalaan niya.

"Your eyes tell otherwise, Narelle." He said in a sad voice. His eyes were telling me he was sad of me avoiding him.

I never knew he could be this observant.

"Uh-" My words were cut off when Apollo came into us and interrupted our talk.

Thank goodness! Apollo is always my lifesaver! Pinagpala ka ng nakatataas, kapatid!

"Hey, guys. Ano pa bang ginagawa niyo d'yan? Tara na sa dining, kakain na tayo ng tanghalian." Ngiting-ngiting sabi ng walanghiya.

Inakbayan niya kaming dalawa ng kaibigan at inakay papunta sa dining para kumain.