Alpha Aera

Two Years Earlier

[Ayla’s POV]

Darkness swirls around me; it makes my chest tight, and my lungs seem to deflate with each push it gives. It’s suffocating and painful all at the same time, and despite anything I do to try to stop it, it just continues to push.

"It hurts," I whimper, pulling my knees tightly against myself while I rock back and forth. "It hurts so much."

Desperately trying to keep the tears at bay that want to escape, I bury my head in my arms and squeeze my eyes shut.

"It will disappear soon," I murmur, remembering all the other times it attempted to break free. "I just have to keep fighting, like Uncle Silas said."

This was nothing new for me. Since I shifted for the first time at the age of eight, the darkness began to surface. It was a curse that was given to me thanks to my bloodline. Only a few people in my family managed to overcome the darkness, but most ended up succumbing to it.

"It will disappear soon," I repeat. "I won’t be like him. I won’t."

As the words leave my lips, images of my father begin to appear. He was one of the ones that didn’t manage to overcome the darkness, and now he was kept in a highly secured room just a few floors up from my own.

I had only ever seen him once, and it took a lot of begging to convince Uncle Silas and Aunt Lennox to even do that, but sometimes I wished that I had heeded their warnings.

I don’t exactly know what I expected when I faced one of my demons, but it wasn’t the haggard man that lay in a bed with chains holding his arms and legs in place while he hissed and howled, thrashing against his bindings while I watched on with wide eyes.

"Daddy," I remember whispering the words. "It’s me, Ayla, your daughter."

I remember that as I spoke, his eyes came to rest on me, and I found myself hoping that he would understand and recognize me, but when an agonized wail escaped him and he began to convulse while the machines that surrounded him started to go off, I had only hurt him.

Since that day, I didn’t dare go see him again, and I tried not to think of him. Whoever that man was, he was no longer my father, and accepting that was much less painful than expecting him to come back.

Shoving all the painful memories aside, I began to uncurl and dig in my bedside table for the serum that Brian, Uncle Silas’ personal doctor, had made for me when the fits were too much. When I find it, I down it in one gulp and then wait for it to do its job.

Only when the pain begins to subside and my eyes begin to droop, do I finally uncurl my body and let out a sigh of relief.

As my eyes close, I find myself wondering how much longer I could fight all this before giving in. That’s usually my last thought before I drift off to where he is waiting for me.

"I was wondering when you were going to join me."

Feeling a sudden wave of relief and peace, I let a smile spread across my face as Barren appeared before me.

As he slowly closes the distance between us, I take in his tall, lean frame and hypnotic hazel eyes that are almost hidden behind his shaggy purple hair. When his lips twitch into a smile over my openly eyeing him and his adorable dimples appear, I feel my heart flutter and my stomach explode with butterflies.

I wasn’t sure exactly what Barren felt, but my feelings went beyond the friendship that we had. However, I would never reveal that out of fear of ruining what it was that we had. He was the only one who knew all my secrets and still accepted me while the world turned away in fear. If I didn’t have him, I didn’t know what I would do.

"Sorry, I was..." I begin, but stop wondering if I want to ruin this moment of peace with talk of my problems. "Nevermind."

For a moment, he doesn’t speak as he takes me in, and when hurt flashes in his eyes, I know that I’ve fucked up.

"I’m sorry," I try again. "It’s just…"

"It’s fine," he says quickly, cutting me off. "You didn’t come here to talk about your issues anyway; you came for solace, am I right?"

"That’s correct," I confirm. "But I still don’t want you to hate me due to thinking I don’t trust you; it’s just..."

"Don’t worry about it," he beams, reaching out and brushing a stray strand of red hair behind my ear. "I could never hate you, Ayla; you should know that by now."

"I…" I begin, suddenly feeling the urge to confess my feelings to him. "You may if I reveal my biggest secret."

For the past two years since meeting Barren, when I needed someone the most, I had harbored these feelings out of fear.

He was the only one who understood and the only one who could teach me more about these odd powers that I possessed. He was also the only escape I had when the world was crashing down around me. If I told him all this and then revealed just how much I cared, would he turn away from me or would he accept?

"What is it?" he asks gently, snapping me out of my quickly spiraling thoughts. "You know you can tell me anything."

"Anything," I repeat, feeling like I wanted to test that. "What if I told you I liked you?"

I grow quiet as Barren’s expression shifts from open friendliness to something that I can’t quite decipher. 

Shit, I knew that this wasn’t a good idea, but I wanted to test it. I couldn’t help but hope that he liked me just as much as I liked him. However, I guess this was exactly what I got for hoping.

"You don’t like me," he says slowly, sending a wave of shock through me. "You may think that is what it is, but it isn’t."

Isn’t like? Who the hell was he to tell me what I did or didn’t feel? I was pretty damn sure I knew my feelings better than him.

"I do," I argue. "When I’m with you, I feel safe, and I get butterflies. When I’m not with you, you’re all I can think about, and when I need someone the most, you’re the only person I can think of. My heart beats like crazy just from a single look or smile from you. How can you possibly say that I don't know my own feelings?"

"That isn’t liking someone, Ayla," Barren sighs. "More than like, that is simply dependency."

Dependency… How the hell could he even say something like that? Who was he to determine what I felt? This was…

"It’s understandable," he continues, giving me a sad smile. "I found you when you were at your worst, and because of that, you’ve been using me as a lifeline to remain sane from the darkness that wants to consume you."

"You’re wrong," I whisper, feeling tears begin to prick at the corners of my eyes. "You don’t…"

"I do," Barren counters. "We’ve spent enough time together for me to understand how you feel, Ayla."

"No!" I snap, trying to keep it together. "You don’t know anything! How could you be so..."

"Because there’s no chance for us."

His words are like a knife that stabs deep into my heart and sends me plummeting back to reality, where I find myself laying in bed with tears streaming down my face and onto the pillow beneath me.

"No, Barren!" I howl, squeezing my eyes tightly shut in an attempt to return to the dream world, where I’m sure he’s still waiting for me. "No!"

But no amount of trying brought that moment back.

After that, I tried again and again to find him by making my way through dream after dream in hopes of finding him, but no amount of searching brought him back.

For months I tried again and again with no luck, and by the time I realized that I couldn’t find him because he didn’t want to be found, my heart grew cold as ice.

It was after that devastating rejection that I started doing what I wanted with who I wanted and stopped giving two shits what anyone thought. And it was because of the string of events that Barren put into play that I found myself in bed with a certain alpha named Aera.