Chapter 1

"What's this?" The worn out face of my mother was enough to tell that she's giving up, she's done with me. The dim light from the lamp exposed the deep creases under her eyes and forehead. She was old and tired from the long day work, she was hoping that she will get a good rest at home but she was welcomed by a letter from school where I was currently attending, stating that I beat one of my classmate into pulp again.

"How many times do I need to tell you to stay out of trouble? This is the only University who accepted you despite your bad records to your previous schools. Please Meyan, have mercy on me."

I bowed my head and stared on the wooden floor, hands clasped behind me while thinking what happened earlier. I wanted to cry, tell my mother the truth and defend myself but I found it futile. These always happens and believing my words will never happen. I just need to accept the hard reality that no one will understand me, no one knows my situation.

"You haven't heard me complaining but I'm already tired, Meyan. I'm tired of everything. Being left alone with three child to raise, no savings and no permanent job to hold on to, I just want to give up but I want you, my children to experience a normal life. I want the three of you to finish your studies so that you won't suffer the same poverty that I did."

"M-Mom..."

"If this happens again, I'm sorry but you need to stop studying. You'll gonna help me with my work in town until you realize how important it is to go to school."

With that, she turned her back to me and went to the kitchen. I turned to my little sister, Darah, who's peeking through the ajar door of our small shared room. She went to me and hugged my waist.

"Meymey got in trouble again," she giggled.

A soft smile plastered on my face and patted her head. I crouched and wiped the smudges of dirt on her little face.

"Don't be like Meymey, okay? You need to excel in your class so that mother will be proud of you, hmm? Grow up as a good person and be the one to end this poverty. I know that you can do it."

"But I want to be like Meymey! Beautiful and pretty!" she jumped and kissed my cheek.

Please.. stop admiring me.

"Let's eat," my mother announced. I tried to look at her eyes but she's intentionally avoiding my gaze. I sighed and took my seat. I bit my lip while looking at the served food.

"Potato again?"

I glared at Darah. This is not the time to complain when our mother was in fowl mood.

"Stop complaining, Darah. Just be thankful that we have something to eat."

My eyes turned to Lily who's sitting beside our mother. She's in her high school and the most responsible with the three of us. The age gap between us maybe wide but when it comes to maturity, she's far ahead of me. The way she view life is different compared to me. I rarely talk to her because she rarely speak. She was the one doing almost the house chores and always telling me to just focus on my studies. She also added that it would be easier with the four of us if I get to find a good job after finishing college.

She's always the understanding and obedient child in the eyes of our mother, and I don't have any complain with that.

I bowed my head and started to eat. Potato. This is the most abundant crop in our village. They grew everywhere in the mountain and the villagers were almost tired of eating eat that they would just leave it to waste. But to the people like us, a family who can't afford a chunk of meat or even a freshly harvested rice, we don't have a choice but to get used on eating it every day. We only get to eat those on special occasions like birthday's and Christmas. But we can somehow manage to eat a pickled r****h once a month, a treat of my mother's salary.

We were silently eating when the rain started to pour. We immediately left our seats and run in our designated stations.

"Lily, get the ropes!"

My mother and Lily went outside to tie the house's pillar so that our house won't be carried away by the strong wind. I saw them tying the pillars of our house on the trees.

"Darah, go to the room and make sure that nothing will get wet."

I went and search for buckets, place them aligned the roof holes to prevent the water from flowing on the floor.

"Meymey! My books got wet!"

"Meyan, we need help here!"

The rain and wind were our house main enemy. If there was a typhoon, we can't even get a sleep and always on lookout with our belongings. The house was old and was just strengthen with some polishing that my mother did. We don't have enough money to transfer in more secure house.

I want to help... but I don't know where to start. I'm always unsure of everything. Like I want to do something but I'm always hesitating. I'm always reluctant to start something new, afraid that I won't make it or fail myself in the end.

Riding my old bicycle, I took the road to the University. It's a thirty minute drive to downtown. The school was far so I need to get up early to avoid getting late. The rusty creaking of the pedal and the sound of the rustling leaves felt so therapeutic and calming. I let out a breathe. With my twenty years of living, I don't want to admit but I've been passive the whole time. I've been just going with the flow with no directions headed to.

"Look, the freak is here," the students murmured as I was parking my bike.

"She's still here? She doesn't get suspended yet?"

"Stay away from her if you don't want to end up in hospital."

I lowered my head as my palm run through my crumpled skirt. I only have one set of uniform so I need to wash it after school for the next day. The sea of students parted as I walk on the hallway to my first class. Everyone were looking at me. Fear, hate, disgust. I'm already used with those kind of stares but it became intense because of the incident that happened yesterday, in this same hallway. They always question on why someone poor like me get to study. Studying is only for the rich and wealthy family. Those who below middle class doesn't have the right to learn, to dream.

But if I'm going to be honest myself, I don't want to go to school. I don't have a dream. I'm only doing it for my mother yet I ended up on always disappointing her. I don't know what I want and I don't know if I have a purpose in life. I kept on thinking if I am the only one who feels this way.. Empty.

It was lunch break when I spotted my mother walking like a lost old lady in the campus premises, holding the letter that was sent to her yesterday by the school. She was wearing her worker's shabby uniform, a towel on her head and her scrubby pair of slippers.

My eyes shifted to the students who were secretly laughing and mocking around her. I noticed that she was asking for maybe like directions but they were quick to leave like she had some kind of contagious disease.

My blood started to boil with the sight. I closed my lunch box and quickly walked my way to my mother. She's always busy but she still find a time to arrange the mess I made. I bet she didn't had her lunch yet.

"Mom," I called her out.

"Meyan." Relief plastered on her face upon seeing me.

"Have you eaten?" I asked while handling her my lunchbox.

She waved her hand. "I don't have time for that. Where's the Principal's Office? I need to finish this quick. I don't want my boss to get angry if he finds that I sneaked out."

I bit my lip and accompanied her to the Office. Before opening the door, she let out a sigh and faced me. "I hope that this will be the last time, Meyan. Promise me."

I was forced to nod my head. I stared at the door where she entered. I don't know if this will be the last time though.

I decided to wait for my mother. I don't care if I'll get late in my class, I want to make sure that she doesn't run into trouble here. Some students may afraid of me but the percentage of the people who despise me were greater. If one of those finds out that my mother was here, they won't hesitate to harm her just to get even with me.

"Your mother look like an idiot earlier," Klare sneers at me. She's heading towards me and behind her was her gang with their malicious smiles on.

Klare stood in front of me, folded her arms and looked down on me. I'm tall but she looks taller because of her 4 inch heels. I don't know how she manages to wear that kind of shoe every day. Her legs aren't even that beautiful due to her minimal varicose veins.

"Aren't you going to visit my hospitalized cousin and apologize?" she cocked an eyebrow. "Don't worry, you don't need to pay for his hospital bills if that's what you're worried for. We understand that you're penniless."

Her group burst out in laughter. Klare gave me a taunting smile and looked at the Principal's Office door. "Better to look after your mum. You know, Harry won't let you off the hook easily. Revenge is sweeter sweetie. And it is more painful if that wrath will be diverted to someone's fate."

My heart pounded widely with her statement. When Klare saw my pale face, her smirk grew wider. "I'm just kidding!" she laughs. "But who knows..."

I was left alone, unable to move on my ground. My palms started to get sweat. Klare likes to threaten which I don't paid much attention to but since Harry was involved here, the man I pulverized the pretty face, I can't help but to feel worried. I'm fine if they will target me because somehow, deep within me knows that I can protect myself but if it's my family, I'm certain that they'll end up in danger.

I tapped my foot on the floor continuously. The bell rung for the first class but I didn't care less. What should I do? Should I leave school and assist my mother in work? I think I need to fetch Darah and Lily after school.

My train of thoughts stopped when the door swung open. The anxiety in my eyes didn't left unnoticed by my mother.

"What happened to you? Are you okay?" her eyebrows were furrowed while scanning my face.

"I-I'm fine, mom. My stomach is just upset," I lied and forced a smile. I walked her to the entrance gate while fidgeting my fingers.

"Okay. I'm going. Make sure to head home immediately after your class and don't make any trouble again. Are we clear, Meyan?"

I nodded my head. "Yes, mom."

She's about to leave but I instinctively stopped her. She gave me a confuse look in return.

"Ahhm. What time will you go home? Do you have an overtime today?"

My mother looks puzzled with my sudden interest of her work but she still answered. "I'm not sure. One of the helpers went sick and the customers were higher in this season." She shrugged. "Maybe I'll go home by night. Why do you ask?"

I shake my head in response. I've decided to drop by and wait for my siblings to finish their class. My last subject ends by 4 pm so I still have enough time before their dismissal. I need to secure their safety first before going to my mother's work to accompany her back home.