Today has been by far one of the best days I've had in a long time. After my dancing lesson this morning Miranda texted me that she was on the way.
I look up at Anton through the rear view mirror," Can we make a stop on the way home please?" "Of course, where do you need to go?" he asks. "Starbucks! I want to grab something for M since she's on her way to the house so we can have a girls day!" I say excitedly.
"Alright, I'll let Kal know we will be a few minutes late," he says a little grumpy. "Anton, what's wrong? We don't have to stop," I say worried that maybe I upset him.
He looks up at me with the same look that Kalel has been having lately and it worries me, my brothers always have so much riding on their shoulders. "I'm sorry El, I'm not upset with you. I don't mind making a stop for you," his smile not quite reaching his eyes.
"Thank you Anton, I really appreciate it and I promise to be super quick because I don't want to torture M by being stuck with Kal all alone," I say laughing.
As soon as we park I head straight in so I can grab Miranda's favorite coffee and cake pop as a thank you for letting me torture her by being my maid if honor.
Anton is so grumpy right now and I'm not sure why maybe it's about tomorrow. Both him and Kal have really been on edge the closer we get to tomorrow and I wish there was something I could do to help them.
I loop my arm through his causing him to look down at me, he smiles in a way that says he appreciates me trying to make him feel better.
"What are you and Kal going to do while we get our having a spa day?", I say trying to have a light conversation as we head back to the car.
"I was just asking him that, probably hit the gym and work off some frustration," he says in a pissed off kind of tone.
"Anton?" I say quietly. "Mhm?" "Everything is going to be okay, you know that right?", I say not sure if I believe it myself but I need to be strong for them.
"El you always see the good, I hope everything works out for the best," he says gently as he opens the door for me to get in. There is only silence with smooth jazz playing in the background on the ride home both of us lost in our own thoughts.
As soon as we pull up I see Miranda and Kal standing out front and all of the worry I had seems to fade away. "M!" I yell as I run from the car towards her.
We engulf each other in a big hug as if we hadn't seen each other in months when in reality it had only been a few days.
"I got you something to say thank you," I say as Anton walks up with our coffees. I give M hers and turn to Anton, " Thank you, here these are for you two but you might wanna wait till after you train," I say while handing each of them a coffee.
"Thanks El this is just what I need to get this day started!" Miranda says with a small chuckle. "This is what I need to stay awake since I've already been up for five hours," now it's my turn to chuckle.
"You ladies ready to be pampered?" Kal asks as he gives me a hug. "Yes please," we say in unison, "Jinx," we both say again before we throw our heads back laughing.
"Alrighty than, this way," Kal says as he ushers us through the house towards the spa. "El, Anton and I are gonna go hit the gym while y'all get pampered," he says before turning down the hall.
"Okay, it should take us about two hours," I say as I turn to Miranda, "Ready?" "So ready!" she says excitedly.
I really hope that Kal and Anton can work out some of their frustration, it worries me how stressed they are over something none of us can control.
"So are you excited for tomorrow?" Miranda asks pulling me out of my thoughts. "Of course, though I am kind of nervous to be honest," my voice is shaking, I've got to calm down.
"What's got you so nervous?" she asks. "Well for starters I will be all alone, how do I get everyone to except an outsider, and mostly how do I become the best wife I can be," I say trying to word my answer appropriately since she has no idea it's all a lie.
As we are getting our nails done M asked me to describe my husband to be. 'Oh no, what do I say? Because honestly I know very little about him. Also this house has ears in every room so I need be extremely careful because, if I say the wrong thing then there will be consequences.'
"El? You okay?" she asks me with a worried expression on her face. "Oh, yeah I'm fine M, what can I say? He is 30, five foot eleven,tattooed, toned and he is next in line for the family business. Like Kal is for our family," trying to be as vague as I can without raising suspicion.
Obviously seeing the distressed look on my face she steers away from my forced betrothal. "What time do I need to be here in the morning?", she says as she looks back at her nails. "I think eight would be early enough," I say with a smile plastered on my face.
We keep the conversation light for the remainder of our pappering, everything from tomorrow to the latest gossip in Hollywood.
We were just finishing up laughing at a silly video and I spot Kal standing by the wall. 'Hmm, he must be super distracted right now because usually him and Anton never show themselves until they want me to know they are there. I've known for years that they are always with me even if I can't always see them but, I'll never tell them that I know they do that. I know they both do it for my protection and it makes me love them that much more,' I think to myself.
This is my chance to get back at him after all those times he has caught me off guard. I yell,"Kal!" just as I throw myself at him flinging my arms around his neck. I know he will catch me because that's what my big brother does, he will never let me fall.
"El, did y'all have a good time?" he asks me, though the joy of him being here is quickly overshadowed by the thoughts of tomorrow. I put a wall up in my mind telling myself I'll think about it tomorrow while I answer my brother.
"Of course, we had a great time, didn't we M?" I say smiling as she walks over. "We had an amazing time, I wonder what we should do next," she says as she comes to a stop.
"Actually I already have the next thing lined up if you ladies won't mind being stuck with the two of us?" Kal says just as I see Anton coming around the corner. I swear these two have a sixth sense to locate each other, some times it is actually scary how in tune they are with one another.
"Yes ladies, would you do us the honor of accompanying us to our next adventure?" Anton says as he finishes buttoning up his shirt.
I know it's wrong to think of Anton as more than just a brother but the man is six foot six, muscles for days with tattoos gracing his skin. He is almost an exact image of my brother same height and same build except where Kal and I have black hair, Anton has blonde hair.
'Snap out of it El! For goodness sake you are getting married tomorrow. Even if it is against my will, I expect to be the best wife I can be,' I think to myself as I look at everyone around me.
"Of course, what did you guys have in mind," I say perking up so as not to bring the mood down. Before they get a chance to respond Miranda loops her arm through mine, "Hold on just a minute, what makes you think we wanna hang out with the two of you when we are having girl time?" she says with as much sass as she can muster.
I know she is just testing them because she really wants to see what they've got planned for us to do. Anton looks at Kalel with a knowing look, like he just won the bet, "Told you she's a firecracker, it never fails," he says. There is a slight scowl on Miranda's face and I'm trying to not laugh because they are one hundred percent right on her reaction.
Clearing my throat I ask, "So what did you have in mind?" Kal gets this smirk on his face before he begins to speak, "Oh nothing special, just dinner at your favorite resta-" I cut him off before he can even finish his statement, "OMG! Yes, yes,yes we will gladly join you," turning to Miranda, "Please M, I know we are having girls day but with what's happening tomorrow we won't be able to do our traditional birthday dinner," I whine knowing this will get her to agree.
I see her entire body tense for just a second and in that moment I hadn't realized how much tomorrow actually bothered her. Heck she doesn't even know the whole truth yet. I'm going to ask Kal if I can tell her just so I can have one person I can confide in, one person that's all mine.
She instantly relaxes as if she is telling herself to stay calm, "Well when you put it like that sure, why not? Let's go have one more night of freedom!" I throw my arms around her and whisper," Thank you M, you're the best!"
'Ah, freedom is not the only thing I will definitely lose tomorrow,' I think to myself.
Dinner went amazingly and I got my favorite dessert, creme brulee! Though I do wish they would make these things just a little bigger because I always want more.
On the ride back the guys are in the front talking quietly in Italian which means they are talking business because they know Miranda won't understand them. Meanwhile her and I are still chatting away trying to figure out what movie we are gonna watch when we get back.
As we pull up there seems to be some commotion going on so Kal pulls around so M won't see. Thank goodness we have our own entrance to our wing of the house and that it is sound proof, Kal insisted it be sound proof so I wouldn't be exposed to the comings and goings of the mafia world.
Miranda and I make our way up to my room to watch our movie but before I go in I turn to Kal and ask "Is everything okay Kal?" His face tells me everything I need to know before he speaks,"Just business El."
"Be safe," I tell him knowing that whatever it is must be important. He smiles at me, "Always El, now y'all enjoy your movie and come get me whenever she wants to leave."
I just shake my head as I walk into the room. Even though we are in our own wing I know that both Anton and Kal will go to handle business so I deadbolt my door just to be safe.
Miranda and I watches 'P.S. I love you', I wish I could find someone to love me like that. Just as she yawns I look at the time, "Oh my! I need to get some bueaty sleep." "Alright, alright I guess that is a valid reason to call it a night than," she says with so much sass.
I go to knock on Kalel's door when it swings open making me jump, "Oh, Kal, you scared me how do you always know that it's me," I say while holding a hand over my heart, "Miranda is ready to go home I'm just gonna walk her downstairs and then I'll be right back." Kal brings his phone out to text Anton no doubt because by the time he says goodnight to her Anton is coming up the stairs.
"Ladies, " Anton says, he is always such a gentleman. We make our way out to her car and we hug each other as if we both don't want tonight to end for fear of tomorrow.
"See you tomorrow M," I sigh as she opens her door to get in, "Please text me when you get home so I don't worry." "Of course El, now go get your beauty sleep, "she says, "I love you El." I smile at that, "I know, I love you too M."
I let go of a breath I didn't know I was holding as I hear Anton clear his voice. "Mmm," I say looking at him. "Why don't we go back inside and make an ice cream sundae to finish the night?" he says smiling at me.
He always knows how to cheer me up but I don't even think this is going to help right now however I won't let him know how much I'm hurting.
"That sounds like a fantastic plan Anton," I say as I loop my arm in his. As we are getting everything out I notice Anton is having a war inside right now so I stop and turn to him, "Anton you know everything is gonna be okay, right?"
He let's out a deep breath and turns to me saying, "I'm glad that you always see the good in every situation but," he steps closer to me, "I want to give you something but only if you're okay with it."
I tilt my head to the side trying to figure out what exactly he is saying and clearly the confusion is written all over my face as he takes another step towards me grabbing my hand.
"Elaine, if I could stop tomorrow you know that I would and so would Kal," he pauses and takes a deep breath before he continues. I straighten up and look up which is a little difficult because considering the height difference.
"Just know that you can say no and I will not be upset but with everything being forced on you without your say I want you to have an option tonight," he sighs as he rubs the back of his neck.
"Anton, I know that you two would stop the world for me if it would help me," I bite my lip looking down really unsure with what's happening right now. I mean I am one hundred percent a virgin and with Anton being this close I have no idea what is happening to my body.
No one has ever been this close to me outside of M, Kal and Anton but this feels different and it scares me. He grips me chin gently and tilts my head back so I'm looking him in his eyes.
"Elaine I would like to give you a kiss," he says in a smooth voice.
'I'm sorry, what! Umm, I have no clue what to do and he knows that. Time to stop panicking Elaine!' I think to myself. I can feel my entire body heat up and I swear my heart is going to fly out of my chest at any moment.
"El if you don't want to it's okay but I want you to have the option," he says as his eyes search mine for approval. I can't talk because I am so shocked so I just nod my head up and down. "No El, I need to hear your words," he says to me as he squares up his body to mine.
I take a deep breath, "Yes Anton, I would like for you to kiss me," I say at almost a whisper. With that I am being lifted off the floor and sat down on the counter. I let out a sharp gasp as I was not expecting that however, we are closer in height now.
He steps in between my legs as he pulls me to the edge, I swear my heart is going to explode from the excitement. "Just breathe El," his forehead now resting on my forehead.
"I'm scared Anton," I whisper knowing full well he can here me. "I know you are El but I didn't want your first kiss to be in front of everyone at the alter tomorrow," he says gently.
I look up nervously at him," What if Dimitri finds out that I kissed someone else, what if it makes him angry?" True panic starts to sink in at that very moment just thinking about Dimitri.
His hands that are on my hips squeeze ever so slightly as he calms himself down. "Fuck Dimitri, fuck this whole god damn situation," he is so angry right now.
I move my hand to his chest which brings his anger down. "Anton I trust you it's him I'm worried about adn you know the walls in this house have ears," I say as I sigh. He looks at me with a smile, "Dimitri won't know that he isn't your first kiss as long as you don't say anything," he pauses as if trying to figure out what to say next.
"I want to kiss you like every woman should be kissed, I want you to make a choice because after tomorrow I can't guarantee that you will have a choice in anything." I look deep in his eyes and can see that war raging within him.
"Anton," I say quietly, "Please kiss me." With that he stands a little straighter with one hand wrapping around my waist to bring me as close to him as possible while his other hand goes around my neck.
He pause one last time, "Are you sure El, because there is no turning back." "Yes Anton I'm sure," my nerves are in over drive became I have no idea what to expect.
As soon as the word leaves my mouth his lips are on mine gentle at first and then he becomes more needy kissing me with such passion. I moan slightly but I feel ashamed because I dont know if thats okay or not.
He doesn't stop instead he squeezes his hands ever so slightly to which I can only assume means he is okay with me moaning. To wish I can hear him humming in approval.
I feel as though I'm going to run out of oxygen so I place my hand on his chest and push ever so slightly to make him stop. Our foreheads once again connect as we both breath heavily.
"Your lips are so soft El," he says in between his breathing. I'm sure my face is bright red right now from the embarrassment. " Thank you Anton, that was by far the best birthday present anyone has ever given me," I say breathlessly and he laughs every so slightly and backs away from me.
I frown at his gesture, did I do something wrong or do I have bad breath, and here goes my anxiety. "El, I would love nothing more than to keep going but if I do," he pauses looking down slightly before finding my eyes again.
"If I keep going I might not be able to stop myself and you are not ready for that in any way," he says as if he is almost in physical pain from stopping.
I look up at him," I understand Anton but I want to say thank you for being my first kiss, it was absolutely amazing!" I hop off the counter and wrap my arms around his torso and burying my face in his chest, "Thank you," I whisper.
His hug engulfs me, "Anything for you El," his body seems to relax a little, "I better get you upstairs so you can hang out with Kal for a little while."
"Yeah, I guess that would be a good idea," I let go of him as I turn to go up the stairs. "You go ahead El, I'm gonna clean up down here," he says. I look back at him, "Goodnight Anton, I love you." "Night El, love you too," he says with a smile on his face.
I walk up the stairs slowly as my fingers move over my lips recalling the feeling of being kissed and wondering how different my life could be if my father wasn't so selfish.
I take a deep breath as I reach Kal's door,"Come in El," I hear from the other side. I open the door and scan his room trying to see where he is, I spot him sitting on his couch with a glass of whiskey in his hand.
His smile falters just a little before he speaks up, "Did you enjoy your day El?" "Of course I did, I got to hang out with my three favorite people in the whole world," I say trying to sound as happy as I can be.
The look on his face is telling me he knows that I'm not okay in any way. "It's just us in here El, there is no need to hide your true feelings," he stands up and strides over to me. Just as he reaches me my walls are crumbling and when he hugs me the flood gates open.
He is holding me to gently and I feel so safe right now and it absolutely terrifies me I won't have this after tomorrow. "Shh, El it's okay I'm here now," he is trying to sooth me as best as he can. "C-c-can I st-stay t-t-tonight?" I say stuttering in between my cries.
"Of course El anything you need," he says gently. I nod my head sniffing, "T-thank you Kal," I sigh, "my head is killing me, can I just lay down? I don't want to be alone right now." He walks me over to his bed pulling the covers back, "Here El, get settled in and I'll grab you something for your head."
I do just that while he grabs an aspirin, "Goodnight Kal, I just want you to know that you are the best big brother and I love you around the moon and back."
"Goodnight El, your the best little sister anyone could ask for, I love you too," he says as he leans over and gives me a kiss on my forehead.
He walks back over to his seat grabbing his glass again and he knows that we don't need to talk about what is bothering me. So I lay there waiting for sleep to come however it doesn't come for long time because I can not stop crying.
I keep telling myself to be strong because my family is depending on me and I can not change the outcome of tomorrow. All I can do is make the best of this entire situation and pray to God that my husband to be is a good guy.
