Chapter 9

POV Noralyn 

When I wake up my heart is beating wildly inside my chest and I'm all sweaty. There's a strange noise coming from outside, like a repeated pounding and for a moment I think that I'm hallucinating or that it's simply the sound of my beating heart that has been magnified in my panic, until I realize that in fact there's someone knocking at my door. 

I stand like a robot, still not totally woken up from the nightmare I just had and open the door. Rio is standing in front of me, a strange expression on his face and I cannot for the life of me figure out what he's doing at my house at 3AM. Suddenly I remember that we're at a motel. 

"You were screaming," Rio says and his eyes look behind me as if he's searching for something inside the room.

"It's nothing, I just had a nightmare."

I cross my arms in front of me and lower my head because I start feeling naked that he's able to see how terrified I am on my face. It's been a while since I didn't have any nightmares about what happened when I was fifteen. 

"You're shaking," Rio says again.

"I'm fine. Did you want anything else?" I look up at him with an expression that clearly says: I want to be alone right now. He seems to get the message.

"Okay, then." 

I watch him leave calmly with his hands in his pockets. Then I go back inside my room and curl up in bed hoping that the demons go away.

The next morning all three of us got up early to hit the road. We don't talk much during the ride except for when I get the call from my mother to ask me if I was already on the road.

"Yes mom, I'm on my way back. I'll be here in a few. Don't worry about me."

"You and I need to have a serious conversation, " she says in a stern voice before hanging up.

Kline, who's driving, casts a worried glance toward me.

"Is she really mad at you?"

"Even more than that but I can deal with it."

"I'm really sorry," he apologizes.

"It's okay."

He turns the radio on shortly after our conversation and everyone remains lost in their thoughts. When Kline drops me off I say goodbye to him then I feel the need to add something to Rio who's sitting in the passenger seat. 

"I hope your situation will get sorted out."

He looks at me as if I'm an annoying bug whose existence revolves around persecuting him. "What situation?"

My eyes nervously glance toward Kline. Did I say something that I shouldn't have? But he gives me an encouraging nod so I say, "You know, about being chased by guys with guns. I hope this won't happen again and that-"

"Look, I'm gonna give you some useful advice, okay?" He leans outside of the car window, his eyes pointing daggers at me. "Stop minding my business and take care of your own shit."

I watch the car leave, still paralyzed by the hatred I heard in his voice.

***

I can't concentrate on what the teacher is saying no matter how hard I try. My mind just keeps wandering around, thinking about what happened yesterday. I'm still torn about whether I should keep talking to Keelan and become friends with him again. Is a friendship between us even possible at this point? I hope so. He's going through such a hard time right now and if I can help him, I don't want to leave him alone. His mother told that he would get discharged this afternoon. I'll make sure to call him and talk for a while. 

Suddenly I notice something in the corner of my eyes and when I shift my attention I see that Jasmin,  the girl who talked to me on my first day here, is tapping her feet nervously against the floor. The expression on her face looks like she's doing everything she possibly can to not start screaming at any moment. I know this expression too well because I've been in that same situation too many times to not recognize the signs. Her hands are also shaking and she's biting her lips hard. I try to look around to see if no other students noticed then my eyes fall instantly on Rio. He seems to be the only one beside me to realize that something is wrong with Jade. 

Without saying a word she abruptly stands up and leaves the class while the math teacher is writing something on the board. I only hesitate a few seconds before I hastily take my bag and do the same. I don't give myself the time to think about how weird my reaction is. I don't even know this girl, I don't know why I'm following her when it's so clear that she wants to be left alone. Maybe it's because I know how it feels when you're drowning and all you need is only for someone to give you a hand to pull you out of the water. 

Jasmin walks inside the girl's bathroom and I wait for a while outside to give her some privacy. If she's crying I'm sure she will be upset if I just barge in. I don't even have any idea of what I'm going to tell her once I go in. Nobody likes when strangers are being noisy and don't mind their business. But I can't remain indifferent to a cry for help.

I take a deep breath before entering the bathroom. She was leaning over a sink sobbing so harshly that she even had difficulty to catch her breath. I run toward her and turn off the water that was still running. 

She doesn't even seem to notice that someone is here until I gently put my hand on her shoulder. She looks at me surprised and quickly turns around so I can't see all the tears streaming down her face but without thinking I pull her in a tight hug and she instantly lets herself go against me. 

"It's gonna be okay," I whisper gently as I stroke her hair. "It's gonna be okay."

"No it won't," she sobs in a broken voice.

"You might feel like this right now but-"

She violently pushes me away, cutting off whatever it is I was going to say. "Stop with cliché motivational speech, you don't know anything about my life!"

There's so much pain in her voice that I feel my heart wincing at every word that comes out of her mouth. 

"I might not know what you're going through but I've already reached the point where literally anything would be better for me than being alive." Even as I say those words I feel my demons surrounding me, cackling between them about how I'm speaking in past tense when they know that they're still hunting me to this very second. 

"And what?" Jasmin retorts. "Just because you got out of it means that the same is going to happen for me?" She laughs but it's dry and lifeless. Her eyes are empty when she looks back at me. "Let me guess, you're about to tell me that I shouldn't lose hope because there's a light at the end of the tunnel and unicorns flying around in happy land?"

I notice the desperation behind her sarcasm. I feel like she's been trying for too long to comfort herself by saying the same things over and over, until one day she finally realizes that it would probably never happen., that things would only get worse and not better. 

What do you say to someone who's lost hope? What do you tell  someone who has no reason to keep fighting? I've been there before and sometimes, my mind still goes back to those dark places, even if I try to keep my head above water I'm aware that I could sink to the bottom at any moment. How can I possibly be of any help to her?

"I know life sucks okay?" My voice is shaking as I say that and I feel my own tears threatening to fall. "And believe me I'm far from having my stuff figured out. But maybe we could help each other."

"How?"

It's only one word. But the amount of desperation inside this simple word is worth thousands of them.

"We can always try to figure it out."

I offer a weak smile but it's the most honest one that I have. I can see that Jade is cautious, she's looking at me as if trying to determine if there's a trap. She's probably asking herself why I seem to care about her problems or whether she should trust me. 

Finally she says, "Okay, but you owe me twenty bucks if it turns out your rescue plan flops."

I can't help laughing and surprisingly enough her laugh echoes with mine and it's the most beautiful song.