CHAPTER 6

"I'm close to giving up on this." Sambit ni Hailey na nagpalingon sa'kin at sa mga kaibigan. "This is frustrating!"

Nanatili ang mga mata ko sakaniya habang humahakbang ito pababa sa hagdanan. On her right hand are the draft papers, while on the left is the book of floor plans. It is our vacant period so we have decided to stay in the meeting room of E-CORE for the meantime while waiting for Ismael to finish his class.

"Hindi ko nga rin matapos 'yong sa'kin," Tugon sakaniya ni Naiah sa pagod na boses. "I don't know how to start. I'm sure that our monster professor will just reject this again." Her eyes rolled before fixing her files on the table.

Doubts crawled around my system and realizations knocked on my mind. Nanatili ang mga mata ko sa mga kaibigan na kakikitaan ng pagod at puyat dahil sa sunod-sunod na mga araw na nilang pag-aasikaso sa proyektong kailangan maipasa bukas. The words that left Naiah's lips made me question her beliefs. I don't believe that she has no idea on how to start with her book of floor plans.

If there is one thing that people fail to notice most of the time, it is their capability to do anything that their minds are set onto. In fact, it's not the absence of ideas that silences one's confidence, but the bruises from rejections and discouragement. Sometimes, ideas remain hidden not because they don’t exist, but because they are terrified to be turned down again.

"S-Sandali," Isang boses ang dumagundong sa buong silid kasabay nang pagbukas ng pintuan. "Salamat sa bungad, ha. Hello din sa inyo."

Ismael was raising his hands while hiding his face behind his arms. Sandaling dumako ang mga mata ko sa direksyon niya pati ng mga papel na kanina lang ay nagliliparan sa kawalan. Kumawala ang mga tawa sa labi ko nang mapansin ko kung gaano kalayo ang narating ng mga iyon at ang karamihan ay nasa paanan ni Ismael, hudyat na sakaniya lumipad ang mga papel.

"Sobrang aksayado niyo sa papel, ha." Tumatawang sambit ni Ismael habang hinihilot ang bandang noo niya. "Save the mother Earth, huy!"

Sunod-sunod ang pagsasalita ni Ismael na para bang hindi siya nauubusan ng sasabihin ngunit nanatiling problemado ang dalawa kaya hindi siya pinansin ng mga ito. His eyes shifted in my direction before pulling a chair beside me.

"Anong problema ng mga 'yon?" He pouted, pointing at the two girls.

Bago pa 'man ako makapagsalita ay narinig namin ang sunod-sunod na pagrereklamong muli ni Hailey. I had nothing else to explain to Ismael. Naintindihan niya na kaagad ang dahilan ng dalawang kaibigan na nagpapalipat-lipat ang mga mata sa napakaraming papel na kaharap.

"This was supposed to be over by now," Bagsak-balikat na sambit ni Hailey. "Kung bakit naman kasi nila isinabay ang finals week sa Architecture week? Tayo tuloy ngayon ang nagagahol na habulin ang completion week."

She stated as a matter of fact. On the regular calendar of Estrellians, this week was supposedly the time for students to prepare for their graduation and to attend the year-end party. Karamihan sa mga estudyante ay ngayon nagagahol na makaabot sa kani-kanilang deadlines.

The Architecture week hindered the students from complying with their particular projects and activities since the campus required the students from fourth-year level to attend. Instead of having enough time to finish their school works, the students prioritized attending the school event for five consecutive days. Yet, the deadlines of each project and activities remained the same. Kahit isang professor ay hindi nakapagbigay ng konsiderasyon sa mga estudyante.

"Let me help you," I volunteered with hesitations because it is the third time I tried to offer them my help. "Alam ko na kaya niyong gawin 'yan kahit wala ang tulong ko. But I still want to help."

Suddenly, there was silence among the four of us. I wanted to regret saying those words, but I know that I would still say the same thing if time would possibly rewind.

"I-I know you can do it without my help." Mariin akong napalunok bago muling kumapa ng mga salitang bibitawan. I need to be careful if I don't want to hurt them in any way. "I am just lending you a hand not because I don't believe in your capabilities, but because I know that time is not enough anymore."

The deafening silence caused my heart to race in fear of unknown reasons and the ambient noise fills my head. Kumalma lang ang puso't isip ko nang magsalita si Hailey.

"Celeste, do you have problems?" Diretsong tanong nito. "I mean, I've been noticing lately that you want to help us in all ways you can. Pero napapansin ko rin na parang may kinakatakutan ka tuwing nag-aalok ka ng tulong."

"Are you afraid that we might mistake your good intentions for boasting?" Naiah followed.

"We won't, Celeste." Hailey uttered. It was as if an answer to Naiah's question. "We were just not accepting your offers to help us because we know that you also have a number of responsibilities on your own plate."

"Oo nga, Celeste. Kahit naman kasi mabilis kang natatapos sa mga projects natin, alam namin na marami ka pa diyang ibang responsibilidad." Naiah stood up to sit beside me. "Ang dami mo kayang pending papers sa MALAYA. Nakikita namin ang folder mo tuwing binubuksan mo 'yan, 'no!"

"Tao ka rin, huy!" Hailey chuckled while fixing her soft amber hair. "Babae, hindi ka robot, ha?"

"Feeling AI kasi 'yan," Ismael joked to break the ice. "Pero kahit AI may pahinga, ha. Madalas ba namang sinasabi sa'kin, 'oooops, time-out error'. Kaya magpahinga ka rin, Celeste."

A ball of laughters overtook the silence that was filling the entire room just a few minutes ago. Ismael is the type of person who would crack jokes without minding the atmosphere around him, but a deep meaning can always be found in between each line that he speaks.

Offering help is indeed terrifying. Ngunit nahihirapan akong balewalain ang kahit sino lalo na kung alam ko namang may maiitulong ako. Sometimes, a part of me wants to reach out and help, but another part would hold me back in the fear of being taken in a wrong way. Afraid that people would think that I am just trying to prove something.

Resting in the middle of a sea, watching people wave with the water, but afraid to help because of the doubts if they are swimming or drowning. That's what it means to be me. If I help, I would be seen as the villain who ruins the happiness of other people. And if I don't, I am seen as someone who is selfish to turn a blind eye on other's struggles. I am chained. I am torn between kindness and silence, both heavy in their own way.

It could’ve been more bearable, but not when it was my own family who etched those thoughts into me first. Until now, their words are lingering in my soul like a thunder that's painful in my ears.

"Isla," I heard a voice behind me so I turned to its direction. "Come with me."

My eyes widened when I saw Zeidan in front of me. An umbrella was tightly held by his hand so he used the free one to take my architectural plans from me.

I am standing by the gate of our campus. Pagkatapos nang naganap na pakikipagusap ko sa mga kaibigan kanina ay sinimulan na namin ang floor plans nila. With the help of Ismael, we were able to finish the floor plans before five-thirty o'clock. Naunang umalis sila Hailey at Naiah dahil kailangan pa nilang ipa-bookbind ang mga ginagawa namin dahil iyon mismo ang proyekto namin sa AD-7. Ismael still has another class for this evening so he attended his last subject after we cleaned the room.

Naiwan akong mag-isa sa campus. I was also about to leave the campus after the girls left when the rain started pouring and I forgot to bring an umbrella, leaving me stranded by the campus until the rain stopped.

"What brought you here?" Nagtatakang tanong ko rito. "Practicals mo ngayon, 'di ba?"

"Supposedly, yes." He nodded. Pinanood ko itong ilipat ang payong na hawak sa kabilang kamay kung saan nando'n din ang mga gamit ko. "But it was moved for next week."

"Oh, tapos?" Naguguluhan kong tanong. "Sana nagreview ka na lang ngayon. Sayang ang panahon, ang haba pa ng mga araw mo. You should be practicing by now."

"That's why I'm picking you up," He smirked. "I can't practice without my patient."

I was stoned for a second. His words may sound literally as they are, but his eyes can't deny the meaning of each of them. I know that he is teasing me about what happened in his condominium a few days ago, but I want to appear unaffected in front of him. Mabilis kong inayos ang mga laman ng isipan at binalingan siya ng diretsong tingin.

"And put another IV tube on me?" I frowned.

Ang kaninang plano ko na hindi pagpapahalata sakaniyang apektado ako ay mabilis din na naglaho dahil sa sariling pagkakamali. His eyes darkened in the search of mine while his lips flashed a small curve.

It was the wrong choice of response. How we ended up that day began with the intravenous tube that pushed him on me and led us in an unexpected turn.

"Are you expecting a different tube?"

Tightly, my eyes shut close in the sense of both embarrassment and unusual feeling. I could feel my cheeks burning and turning as red as tomatoes which made him laugh. He's way too intelligent that he could think of things like that when he clearly shouldn't.

"Napakaganda mo palagi, Isla." He uttered while his eyes are pinned on mine.

Kakaibang pakiramdam na naman ang dumaloy sa dibdib ko. It is too unusual for me that I haven't learned yet how to control it, making it painful yet beautiful.

"May iba ka pa bang p'wede unahin?" I asked, trying to change the topic. "I have three plates to finish for Friday. Pagkatapos no'n, magfifinalize naman ako ng designs and layout proposal para sa collaborative project natin. Sabado at Linggo na lang ako may oras kung sakali."

Sandali itong nag-isip. Since it is Monday, I only have three more days to finish my plates. Pero kung tutuusin, dalawang araw na lang naman ang kailangan ko para doon dahil nasimulan ko na ang dalawa. Ang isa ay natapos ko na, habang ang isa naman ay kailangan ko pa munang ayusin. That leaves me with one more plate to start.

"Can you do them in my place?" He suddenly asked, more like a suggestion. "You can sleep there."

"Bakit doon pa? I am paying for my own condominium. Para saan pa 'yon kung makiki-bahay naman pala ako sa paggawa ng plates ko?" I responded, disapproving his suggestion in a different way. Kunot-noong nakatitig ako sakaniya habang nakikipagusap.

Truth be told, I am not a fan of sleeping in someone else's place when I have my own. Isa pa, masiyadong malayo ang condominium niya mula sa CEU. Although he has four-wheels and he never allowed me to commute when I'm going to his place for his practices, I still find it a different thing to sleep in his place.

"I'm sorry," He uttered. Napatitig ako sa mga mata niya na seryosong nakatitig sa'kin. Doon ko lang napansin ang mga mata nito na sobrang lamlam. His eyes seem to carry the weight of sleepless nights and were dimmed by exhaustion. "I'll just drop you to your---," I did not let him finish talking.

"Natutulog ka pa ba, Zeidan?" I asked in the softest tone I could. "You're working on becoming a doctor, yet you seem to be the patient."

"I am, Isla." He responded. "I am sleeping every time I could. Plus, I am eating nutritious foods unlike you." He scoffed.

Tumaas ang kilay ko sa sinabi nito ngunit naging mariin muli ang mga tingin ko sakaniya.

"Kumakain ako ng mga gulay at prutas." I rolled my eyes at him. "Zeidan, you're not getting enough rest that your body needs. Sleeping is different from resting. You should know that better than anyone else, Doc."

"You should've taken medicine over architecture." He chuckled while staring at me. Nang akmang magsasalita na ulit ako ay inunahan naman ako nito kaya napatigil ako. "Can I sleep at your place, then?"