IN THE MIDST OF TRIAL

In the days that followed, life within the high stone walls of the Harrison Estate turned into a quiet, relentless torment. Mara made it her sole purpose to make every moment of my stay as difficult and humiliating as she possibly could. There was no task too small, no excuse too petty, no chance she would ever pass up to remind me exactly where I stood — and exactly how little I was worth in her eyes.

 Kapag napakintab ko na ang mahabang hapag-kainan hanggang sa maging makinis na parang salamin, dadaan siya, sadyang itutumba ang plorera ng mga bulaklak, at sisigaw na pabaya at hindi maingat ako. Kapag naghahain na ako ng pagkain, itutulak niya ang plato palayo nang hindi hinahawakan, magrereklamo na matabang ang niluto ko, sunog, o kaya naman ay walang lasa — at uutusan akong gawin ulit ang lahat mula sa simula. Ipinapagawa niya sa akin ang mga bagay na hindi naman sakop ng trabaho ko: paglilinis ng pinakamataas na bintana nang walang hagdan, pagbubuhat ng mabibigat na kahon mula sa maalikabok na bodega hanggang sa kanyang kwarto, at paglilinis ng sahig hanggang sa sumakit ang tuhod ko at maging magaspang at masugatan ang mga kamay ko.

 And every single time, I would catch sight of Yael. He would be standing in the doorway, or sitting at his desk pretending to review documents, or leaning against the wall with his jaw set tight. He heard every sharp word, every insult, every unfair command. He saw the way my shoulders slumped with exhaustion, the way I bit my lip to hold back tears, the way I bowed my head and said nothing. But he never stepped forward. He never spoke. Sometimes his eyes would meet mine, filled with such deep, helpless regret that it felt like a physical weight pressing against my chest — only for him to look away quickly, as if the sight of me being hurt was too painful to bear.

 I knew why. I had overheard their argument one evening, when Mara had cornered him in the hallway, her voice low and furious: “If you dare interfere, if you dare speak a single word in her defense, I will tell Mama and Papa everything. Every single thing. I will tell them what you have done, what you have become, and exactly what kind of girl you have let into this house. And you know what they will do. They will have her thrown out without a second thought, without a single peso to her name. You will not be saving her — you will only be destroying her completely.”

 Kaya pinili niyang tumahimik. Pinili niyang panoorin akong maghirap, dahil sa paniniwala niya ay mas lalo lang akong mapapahamak kung makikialam siya. Ito ang sakit na hindi ko kailanman inakala — ang makita ang taong inaasahan kong tatayo para sa akin na sadyang tumalikod at manahimik. Sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi ito dahil sa pagiging masama niya. Sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na ito ang paraan ng pagprotekta niya sa akin. Ngunit kahit alam ko iyon, hindi nito nababawasan ang kirot na nararamdaman ko.

One humid afternoon, she called me to her quarters and pointed to a long shelf lined with delicate, hand-blown crystal glassware — pieces that glinted like diamonds in the light, thin as spiderweb and worth more than I could earn in a year.

“Wash every single one,” she ordered sharply, standing close enough to watch my every move. “Do not touch them with anything rough. Do not let them slip. If there is so much as a scratch on even one piece, I will deduct the full amount from your wages — six months’ pay, if that is what it takes to replace it. Do you understand?”

Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko habang maingat na inaangat ang bawat piraso ng baso, dahan-dahang isinasawsaw sa maligamgam na tubig, at pinupunasan gamit ang pinakamalambot na tela na nahanap ko. Pagod na pagod na ako mula sa mahabang oras ng pagbubuhat at paglilinis, mabigat ang katawan, at malabo na ang paningin dahil sa pagod at luha na pilit kong pinipigil. Nang abutin ko ang pinakamalaki at pinakamagandang baso, dumulas ito sa aking mga basang daliri. Tumagilid, nahulog, at kumalat sa sahig na marmol na tila isang malakas na putok — naging libu-libong matatalim na piraso sa paanan ko.

Mara’s eyes flared with rage. “You clumsy, useless girl!” she shrieked, her voice ringing through the whole wing. “Are you truly this hopeless? You ruin everything you touch! You are nothing but a leech, taking what you have not earned and destroying what you cannot have!”

She stepped forward and grabbed my arm so hard her nails dug into my skin, pulling me down until I was almost kneeling among the broken pieces. “I should have sent you away the very first day! You do not belong here — you never will!”

At the kitchen entrance, Yael stood frozen. His hands were clenched into fists so tight his knuckles were white, his face pale with a storm of anger he could not let loose. Every muscle in his body screamed at him to move, to pull me away, to tell her to stop — but he forced himself still. He closed his eyes for a long, agonizing moment, breathed out slowly, and turned away. He walked down the hallway without a single word, leaving me alone with Mara’s fury and the broken glass.

Nang tuluyan nang umalis si Mara habang nagbabanta pa ng parusa at bawas sa sahod, dahan-dahan akong umupo sa malamig na sahig. Ang mga bubog ay kumikinang sa paligid ko — katulad ng puso ko na wasak na, nakakalat, at tila wala nang pag-asang mabuo muli. Sa mahabang panahon, nanatili lang akong nakaupo habang ang mga luhang matagal kong pinigil ay tuluyan nang dumaloy sa aking pisngi. Naisip kong iimpake na lang ang aking kaunting gamit, lumabas ng tarangkahan, at huwag nang lumingon pa. Naisip ko kung gaano kadali kung susuko na lang ako.

Ngunit naalala ko ang maputlang mukha ng aking ina at ang gamot na kailangan niya araw-araw. Naalala ko si Kiko na nag-aaral sa ilalim ng kandila, nangangarap ng kinabukasang ako lang ang makapagbibigay sa kanya. Naalala ko ang pangako ko sa sarili — na kakayanin ko ang lahat, anuman ang mangyari, para sa kanilang kaligtasan.

I wiped my eyes roughly with the back of my hand, took a shaky breath, and slowly began to sweep up the broken pieces. It hurt that Yael had looked away. It hurt that he had said nothing. But I told myself that his silence was not betrayal — it was fear, and a terrible, heavy kind of love that did not know how to protect me any other way. And for now, I had to be strong enough for all of us.