1: A HOUSE IS NOT A HOME

SIERRA'S POV

"Sierra, pakibilisan mo. Kailangan na ni Claire ang damit niya."

Aling Merna didn't sound angry. She never does. Her voice was flat, habitual like this was just another item on a checklist. Isang reminder na hindi ko hawak ang oras ko sa loob ng pamamahay na ito.

"Opo."

I answered automatically, my hands already moving faster as I folded the dress laid out on the bed. Ang mga tela nito ay malambot sa balat halata na gawa ito sa mga mamahaling materyales ng tela at mga hiyas na ikinabit dito nagmumukhang mga bituin sa kalangitan kumikinang. Ang mga damit na ito ay tila nagpapaalala kung gaano kalaki ang agwat ng buhay ko sa ibang tao.

They don't need to be handled with fear. But here I was, careful anyway.

Careful because mistakes are expensive when you're the one who pays for them.

The room smelled faintly of perfume and fresh laundry. Halos lahat ng bagay sa loob ng kwarto na ito ay mamahalin, elegante branded mga gamit na tila sa pelikula o sa libro ko lamang nakikita o nababasa. Mga gamit na kailanman pwedeng mabasag at papalitan lang...this are those things cleaned thoroughly handled with care.

Mabuti pa ang mga gamit...

I focused on the dress. Not because it needed attention, but because focusing keeps my mind quiet. Quiet is safer.

The sound of footsteps behind me made my shoulders tense.

Not hurried.

Not unsure.

Confident.

I didn't have to turn around to know who it was.

Still, I did.

Claire stood a few steps away, already dressed, her phone in hand as she typed something with bored efficiency. She didn't look at me at first. Sa tingin ko ay tila hindi ko nag eexist sa perpekto niyang mundo na siya ang bida at ako lamang side character na inuutusan niya.

"Ano bang ginagawa mo diyan?" she said without lifting her gaze.

"Ang bagal mo."

I opened my mouth to answer, but she didn't wait.

She reached forward and yanked the dress from my hands. Halos bumaon ang matatalim niyang kuko sa braso ko sapat na yun para maoangiwi ako sa sakit.

"Hindi ka ba marunong gumalaw nang maayos?"

"Sorry."

Ang mga salita ay tila praktisadong lumabas sa aking mga labi mukhang alam na alam na ng utak ko kung paano sagutin ang mga ganitong panghayari, nasanay na ito.

I stepped back slightly, creating space without making it obvious. Years of living here taught me how to move without being noticed, how to shrink just enough to avoid attention but not enough to look defiant.

Magpinsan kami-- hindi lang iyon halata...I mean who would know siguro kung ipagtatabi kami mas mukha pa akong maid kesa sa mga maid na nagtratrabaho dito sa bahay nila. Mabuti pa nga ang mga maid atleast may sahod sila buwan buwan. Ako eto ginagawanang lahat ng ito dahil bayad ko daw sa utang na loob dahil pinatira nila ako sa bahay nila.

The gap between us was wider than blood could ever bridge.

Claire belonged here. Every hallway, every room, every polished surface bent itself around her presence. I, on the other hand, was tolerated—kept because I was useful, not because I was wanted.

"Sierra, umalis ka nga sa harap ko." Her voice sharpened.

"Nakaka-irita ka. Ang aga-aga, ikaw agad ang nakikita ko."

I turned to leave.

I almost made it.

The sound came suddenly ceramic hitting marble, shattering with a violence that felt intentional. Nabasag ang mamahaling vase sa aking paananan ang it shattered to a thousand small pieces.

Pain flared sharp and immediate as something cut into my skin.

I inhaled, slow and controlled.

WAG KANG MAGSALITA DONT REACT

I whisper to myself as i stared at the small  pool of blood on my feet

Reacting gives her something.

"Linisin mo 'yan." She said it casually, na tila ba balloen lamang itinapon niya at hind mamahaling vase na naghahalaga ng milyones.

"Ang tanga mo talaga."

She sat in front of the mirror and began fixing her hair, already done, already perfect. In the reflection, I saw her eyes flick toward me—not angry, not emotional.

Just watchful na tila bored lamang ito kaya ginagawa niya ito sa akin. At kailan man hindi ko naiintindihan kung bakit galit na galit sa akin s Claire.

I lowered myself to the floor and started picking up the shards.

Each piece was different some small enough to ignore, others large enough to cut if I wasn't careful. I moved deliberately, mapping the floor in my head, making sure nothing would be left behind.

A sharp edge slid against my palm.

Blood surfaced immediately.

I paused for half a second. Masakit... sobrang sakit ng sugat na iyon ngunit anong kaya kong gawin. kapag nagreklamo ako ay baka hind8 na naman ako makakakain ng hapunan at doon na naman ako sa bahay ng aso matutulog

So I kept going.

Pain wasn't new. It wasn't even remarkable. What mattered was finishing before she decided I was taking too long.

"Siguraduhin mong walang maiiwan diyan." Claire said, eyes still on the mirror.

"Kapag ako ang nasugatan, ikaw ang may kasalanan."

"Opo."

Malumanay na sambit ko pero tila wala naman itong pake sa sagot ko

When the floor was finally clear, I stood slowly, keeping my weight off my injured foot. I didn't look at her again. Looking invites commentary.

I walked out of the room quietly.

I didn't make it far.

"SIERRA!"

I stopped.

"Linisin mo itong bintana. Ang dumi tignan."

My aunt's voice carried down the hallway, sharp and unimpressed.

"Opo. Sandali lang po."

I went to the supply area and grabbed a cloth and a bucket of water. The handle dug into my palm as I carried it back. Sobrang hapdi ng palad ko ngunit hindi na ako nagreklamo pa.

I wiped the glass slowly, methodically. Isa....Dalawa punas sabay buhos ng tubig. Hindi ko napigilang mapatitig sa malinis na salamin kitang kita ko dito ang repleksyon ng aking mukha.

My reflection stared back at me through the glass.

Halata sa mukha ko ang pagod at kakulangan sa tulog.

Araw araw nire remind ako ni Claire kung gaano ako kapangit na kumpara sa kanya para lamang akong pipitsuging extra sa teleserye ng buhay niya.

but i could never hate my face....ito na lang kasi ang nag iisang alalala ko sa mga magulang ko.

When they died on that house fire years ago kasabay din nilang nasunog lahat ng family pictures naming magpamilya....and loosing them at such a young age my memory isn't as reliable either.

Kaya naman sa tuwing namimiss ko sila I would stare in the mirror for hours...gamit ang mukha ko i tried to recall what their face is like and it gave me comfort. Kaya naman kahit anong insulto gawin ni Claire hindi ko kayang kamuhiaan itong pangit kong mukha.

I understood exactly where I stood in this house and why. Understanding doesn't make it easier. It just makes it clearer.

"Sierra! Nasaan na 'yung bag ko?" Claire called from her room.

I closed my eyes briefly.

Then I exhaled.

"Wait kang kukunin ko Claire "

I turned away from the window and walked back down the hallway, already bracing myself for whatever came next.

Because in this house, peace is temporary at hindi ito para sa mga taong tulad ko. Pero kahit sandali lang umaasa pa din ako na balang araw makaalis ako sa lugar na ito at mahanap ang tahimik at payapang buhay.