Chapter Four

It was a relief having said it, but she didn't have the courage to look at Jeremy's face. She listened, waiting for him to speak.

"Well, I agree it might be better" Jeremy said slowly. "But, honey, it just isn't possible at the moment. I can't ask you marry me now when I don't have enough money. It wouldn't be fair to you"

"Oh Jeremy. I don't care" she said breathlessly. "it doesn't matter to me whether we have one penny or millions. I can go on with my art. I can keep and take care of myself"

"No can do" Jeremy said. "I want to be able to support my wife... Not the other way around"

Penny stiffened and the expression on her face became fixed. Jeremy reached across to her but she did not relax.

"Please, darling" he said gently. "Try and understand. I want to marry you, but it's financially impossible. That's the only reason, and I swear it. Look, Penny, if you like we can get engaged" 

"if I like" Penny cried. "Oh, Jeremy..." 

This time she did not resist his arms, or his kisses. Her heart was throbbing almost painfully. She did not believe any other girl in the world had ever loved a man as much as she loved Jeremy. He had become entirely necessary to her. 

"We can't very well get married now" Jeremy said, his voice deep, warm, embracing. "But we can celebrate. I'm supposed to have dinner with my dad tonight. Might as well get his approval anyway, although I have no doubt that he will be thrilled. He likes you, Penny. We will all go out for dinner. Penny....?" 

"Yes, Jeremy?" 

"I love you so much, amazingly, frighteningly much" he said. 

Penny's last doubt vanished. Now at last, she had made up her mind. 

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"I couldn't be more delighted" said Mr Gilbert, his kind blue eyes so amazingly like his son's meeting Penny's expectant gaze. "It's high time that over grown school boy of mine found himself a nice girl to steady himself a bit" 

"Now, dad...." Jeremy began, but Mr Gilbert interrupted, his eyes twinkling. 

"It's quite alright my boy. I have no intention of telling Penny your past. She doesn't need to hear that. But I am going to talk about the future as soon as coffee is brought in. Ah, here it is" 

Penny felt Jeremy's hand pressing against hers beneath the table. It was an intimate, almost conspiratorial gesture, leaving her with a vaguely uncomfortable feeling. It were as if she were about to decieve this delightful old man who was Jeremy's father. He had been so kind to her since Jeremy had announced his intention of getting engaged.. Showing genuine pleasure in his son's choice and now it seemed, he was about to make some proposition for their future. 

"Well, my dears!" Mr Gilbert said, lighting a cigar. "I expect you have been talking about a wedding, and I thought..." 

"Look here, dad" Jeremy broke in, his tone tinged with carefully suppressed irritability of which only Penny was aware. "We have only thought about getting engaged. We aren't planing to get married yet or for quite a long time. Firstly.... You know that I haven't gotten the jo..." 

"That was the point I hoped to raise" Mr Gilbert said mildly. "I intend to make you an allowance, Jeremy, my boy" 

"That's nonsense, dad" Jeremy said with unconcealed impatience. "I can live on my savings for now" 

"But if you are thinking of getting married in the near future you will need those savings of yours" announced Mr Gilbert practically. "Look here, Jeremy, I'm a rich man... Let me have the pleasure of seeing you at least comfortably off" 

Penny saw the lines of Jeremy's mouth tighten and screw into an obstinate line. 

"it's very generous of you dad, but I cannot accept your offer" he said formally. "Now drop the subject please. It must be very boring for Penny" 

"No really, i...." Penny began. 

"May we dance, dad?" Jeremy interrupted. 

"Of course" said Mr Gilbert. 

Jeremy stood up and reluctantly Penny rose also. As soon as they were out of earshot, Penny said In an undertone :

"Really, Jeremy, that wasn't civil at all, and your father has been so nice to us too" 

Jeremy didn't reply, and Penny saw that his eyes were sulky. She leaned towards him, and as he put his arms around her to dance she leant against him purposefully provocative. Instantly Jeremy's arm tightened and she felt the tenseness of his body relax slightly as he gave himself up to the rhythm of the music. 

"You dance beautifully" he whispered against her hair. 

Unseeing of the passing couples on the floor around her, Penny thought. 

'I never knew Jeremy was so temperamental, so easily irritated. I suppose it has something to do with me, but it will be alright.. I suppose "

The remainder of the evening passed without further unpleasantness between Jeremy and his father, and when they dropped Mr Gilbert at his club, they were once more the best of friends. 

"Thank you so much for a really lovely evening" Penny said, her voice warmed with genuine affection for the old man. 

"Enjoyed it myself" said Mr Gilbert, waving his hand. "Goodnight, Jeremy. Be good" 

Seated once more beside Jeremy as he drove to her flat, Penny again experienced a slight feeling of guilt provoked by Mr Gilbert's parting words to Jeremy....Be good. 

Jeremy switched off the engine and allowed the car to slide to a standstill outside her front door. 

As they walked in, she felt for the switch and the sitting room blazed into light. Penny felt a sudden rush of nerves. Her hands were trembling and she knew that she might giggle at any moment at the slightest provocation. 

Hurriedly, to disguise her nervousness, she said :

"I will make a cup of tea. I usually do have one before I go to bed" 

She ran out of the room into the kitchen, her mind leaping ahead of her actions. 

'We can't go on drinking tea until morning' she thought. 'it's going to happen sooner or later. Oh, I wish I had never agreed....' 

She pulled herself up abruptly. That was nonsense. It was nothing but a perverse notion brought on by nervousness. She shouldn't be feeling like this... She was a married woman, and she was behaving like a school girl about to experience her first kiss.