It was a relief having said it, but she didn't have the courage to look at Jeremy's face. She listened, waiting for him to speak.
"Well, I agree it might be better" Jeremy said slowly. "But, honey, it just isn't possible at the moment. I can't ask you marry me now when I don't have enough money. It wouldn't be fair to you"
"Oh Jeremy. I don't care" she said breathlessly. "it doesn't matter to me whether we have one penny or millions. I can go on with my art. I can keep and take care of myself"
"No can do" Jeremy said. "I want to be able to support my wife... Not the other way around"
Penny stiffened and the expression on her face became fixed. Jeremy reached across to her but she did not relax.
"Please, darling" he said gently. "Try and understand. I want to marry you, but it's financially impossible. That's the only reason, and I swear it. Look, Penny, if you like we can get engaged"
"if I like" Penny cried. "Oh, Jeremy..."
This time she did not resist his arms, or his kisses. Her heart was throbbing almost painfully. She did not believe any other girl in the world had ever loved a man as much as she loved Jeremy. He had become entirely necessary to her.
"We can't very well get married now" Jeremy said, his voice deep, warm, embracing. "But we can celebrate. I'm supposed to have dinner with my dad tonight. Might as well get his approval anyway, although I have no doubt that he will be thrilled. He likes you, Penny. We will all go out for dinner. Penny....?"
"Yes, Jeremy?"
"I love you so much, amazingly, frighteningly much" he said.
Penny's last doubt vanished. Now at last, she had made up her mind.
----------------------
"I couldn't be more delighted" said Mr Gilbert, his kind blue eyes so amazingly like his son's meeting Penny's expectant gaze. "It's high time that over grown school boy of mine found himself a nice girl to steady himself a bit"
"Now, dad...." Jeremy began, but Mr Gilbert interrupted, his eyes twinkling.
"It's quite alright my boy. I have no intention of telling Penny your past. She doesn't need to hear that. But I am going to talk about the future as soon as coffee is brought in. Ah, here it is"
Penny felt Jeremy's hand pressing against hers beneath the table. It was an intimate, almost conspiratorial gesture, leaving her with a vaguely uncomfortable feeling. It were as if she were about to decieve this delightful old man who was Jeremy's father. He had been so kind to her since Jeremy had announced his intention of getting engaged.. Showing genuine pleasure in his son's choice and now it seemed, he was about to make some proposition for their future.
"Well, my dears!" Mr Gilbert said, lighting a cigar. "I expect you have been talking about a wedding, and I thought..."
"Look here, dad" Jeremy broke in, his tone tinged with carefully suppressed irritability of which only Penny was aware. "We have only thought about getting engaged. We aren't planing to get married yet or for quite a long time. Firstly.... You know that I haven't gotten the jo..."
"That was the point I hoped to raise" Mr Gilbert said mildly. "I intend to make you an allowance, Jeremy, my boy"
"That's nonsense, dad" Jeremy said with unconcealed impatience. "I can live on my savings for now"
"But if you are thinking of getting married in the near future you will need those savings of yours" announced Mr Gilbert practically. "Look here, Jeremy, I'm a rich man... Let me have the pleasure of seeing you at least comfortably off"
Penny saw the lines of Jeremy's mouth tighten and screw into an obstinate line.
"it's very generous of you dad, but I cannot accept your offer" he said formally. "Now drop the subject please. It must be very boring for Penny"
"No really, i...." Penny began.
"May we dance, dad?" Jeremy interrupted.
"Of course" said Mr Gilbert.
Jeremy stood up and reluctantly Penny rose also. As soon as they were out of earshot, Penny said In an undertone :
"Really, Jeremy, that wasn't civil at all, and your father has been so nice to us too"
Jeremy didn't reply, and Penny saw that his eyes were sulky. She leaned towards him, and as he put his arms around her to dance she leant against him purposefully provocative. Instantly Jeremy's arm tightened and she felt the tenseness of his body relax slightly as he gave himself up to the rhythm of the music.
"You dance beautifully" he whispered against her hair.
Unseeing of the passing couples on the floor around her, Penny thought.
'I never knew Jeremy was so temperamental, so easily irritated. I suppose it has something to do with me, but it will be alright.. I suppose "
The remainder of the evening passed without further unpleasantness between Jeremy and his father, and when they dropped Mr Gilbert at his club, they were once more the best of friends.
"Thank you so much for a really lovely evening" Penny said, her voice warmed with genuine affection for the old man.
"Enjoyed it myself" said Mr Gilbert, waving his hand. "Goodnight, Jeremy. Be good"
Seated once more beside Jeremy as he drove to her flat, Penny again experienced a slight feeling of guilt provoked by Mr Gilbert's parting words to Jeremy....Be good.
Jeremy switched off the engine and allowed the car to slide to a standstill outside her front door.
As they walked in, she felt for the switch and the sitting room blazed into light. Penny felt a sudden rush of nerves. Her hands were trembling and she knew that she might giggle at any moment at the slightest provocation.
Hurriedly, to disguise her nervousness, she said :
"I will make a cup of tea. I usually do have one before I go to bed"
She ran out of the room into the kitchen, her mind leaping ahead of her actions.
'We can't go on drinking tea until morning' she thought. 'it's going to happen sooner or later. Oh, I wish I had never agreed....'
She pulled herself up abruptly. That was nonsense. It was nothing but a perverse notion brought on by nervousness. She shouldn't be feeling like this... She was a married woman, and she was behaving like a school girl about to experience her first kiss.
A little calmer, she carried the tea tray through to the sitting room. Jeremy was standing with his back to the fire, his legs splayed apart, cigarette between his lips. A faint haze of smoke permeated the atmosphere.Penny paused in the doorway, the picture striking her into immobility, it was as if she were seeing a stage set and most important of all, she knew that it was absolutely right. It was just as she had imagined it would be that afternoon when she realized her little flat needed a masculine presence and the smell of cigarette to make it complete, perfect. As suddenly as it had come, every trace of Penny's nervousness had left her. She felt curiously cool... Mistress of the situation."You look very....domesticated" Jeremy said, coming towards her and taking the tray from her hands. "Where do I put this?" he asked."Anywhere" Penny replied, happiness rising inside her in a bright frothy bubble. "On the t
Holding her gaze, he lowered his head and kissed her gently, seducing her mouth with slow, practised kisses until her whole body was shivering."Relax, sweetheart …" He murmured the words against her lips, holding himself still as her body melted around him, until she was moaning and quivering. Then he started to move, slowly at first, infinitely gentle as he taught her what her body could do.It was overwhelming. Like nothing she’d ever experienced or imagined."Jeremy—" Her voice broke and he slid his hand under her hips and drew her against him, controlling her pleasure.The excitement was fierce and hot, clawing at her as he increased the rhythm, and she met each driving thrust with wild abandon. It was wild and crazy and the climax hit like a violent storm. As it crashed down on them, Penny clung to his slick shoulders, shattered by the violence of the emotion that swamped both of them.-------
"Hello —what's the time?" he asked."Seven fifteen" Penny told him. "I have brought you a cup of tea"Jeremy sat up. Completely unselfconscious, he stretched his arms, rubbed his chest, and grinned at her like a school boy."Gosh! I feel good" he said. "Darling, put that cup of tea down and come here".Obediently, Penny placed the cup on the bedside table and sat down beside him, pulling her dressing gown across her knees"Modest little sweet, aren't you?" he said, still smiling. But before she could answer, he pulled her against him with a quick gesture and kissed her on the mouth. Then he held her at arms length and said :"Let me look at you. Yes, you are still as lovely as ever. Some women look ghastly in the morning... You both look and smell beautiful""I've just had a bath" Penny replied, but she was thinking : 'I was right.
Long after Jeremy had gone to the office, Penny remembered those words. They cast a shadow over her happiness. His attitude towards age worried her. She could never be satisfied to accept a statement without proving into it. And Jeremy's emotions were already part of her life. She was wise enough to know that a man who wants to stay young forever is usually one who avoids ties, responsibilities and the thought of settling down.Then she remembered that Jeremy had asked her to marry him, at least to become engaged, and the shadow lifted. Only the disturbing impression remained.-----------------Penny was too busy during the morning to think of anything but domestic problems. As soon as the flat was clean she joined the queues and by lunch time had completed the shopping. In spite of her early breakfast, she did not feel hungry. She was satisfied with bread and cheese and a cup of coffee.That afterno
Absurd, of course, but what would he say, if he were to return now, suddenly and unexpectedly and find her here with Jeremy? Would he understand? No, he had been too young to realize what loneliness meant and he believed in woman's essential goodness. He had never been as broadminded as Jeremy. She could not imagine a Howard grown older and wiser, for he had been so young when he died. She, herself, had changed, grown up, despite what Jeremy said sometimes about her immaturity. And that first marriage was past, deep in the past. It was almost as if it had never been.Penny was preparing the white sauce for a cauliflower when Jeremy arrived that evening. She heard his footsteps outside the door, and the silence as he stopped to feel for the key under the carpet on the top step where she had told him she would hide it since he hated taking the key out because he always misplaced it. The door opened. He called out:"Hello, darling! I've got a s
Penny could not bear to hear him use that tone of voice any longer. She knew he was being unreasonable. Probably he knew it too, but he was being stubborn, so she must be the one to give in."Darling, if you really want me to, I will call Audrey and tell her. I will say I'm ill or something" she said."Oh, don't bother" Jeremy said ungraciously. "It doesn't really matter, anyway.""It does, of course it does" Penny cried, a little of her control leaving her as she realized that this stupid discussion was developing into a quarrel. She could stand most things, but not a quarrel with Jeremy."Darling, I will call her now. Audrey will understand" she said quietly.Jeremy stood watching her as she went across the room to get her phone. As she reached for it, he said :"No. Don't. I have some work to do anyways, so maybe I will just do it then, and maybe lodge at an hotel if I get too ti
"Keep still" Jeremy said. "I will rub you down. Oh, poor pet, it must have been some nightmare. You are soaking wet!""Honey, I'm so sorry... Getting you out of bed, waking you up" Penny murmured, filled with remorse."Would you like a cup of tea?" he asked."I would love one!" Penny said gratefully. "You are wonderful to me!""Like one myself" Jeremy said, grinning at her. "You stay there and try and get warm. I will be back in a moment"Penny curled herself into a ball and rubbed her feet against each other until the shivering gradually stopped. Warmth came back into her limbs and with it a rush of love and gratitude towards Jeremy. One or twice before she had had such nightmares and had lain wet and shivering until the morning, unable to return to sleep. But tonight she had him to comfort her, bring everything back to normal, to take care of her. It was lovely not be
Penny put that thought out of her mind quickly, feeling she was somehow being disloyal to Jeremy. After all, they had only been engaged a few days and there had hardly been time to discuss their future."How's the job going?" Audrey asked, breaking in on Penny's reflections."Progressing" Penny answered, not without pride. "I really have more work than I have time for at the moment. Making quite a bit of money one way and another""What are you doing with it?" Audrey asked, knowing that Penny would not resent such a question from her."Oh, shoving it in the bank for a rainy day" Penny replied laughing. "I'm bound to want a nice large bank balance sometime in my future, and apart from living expenses and an occasional dress, I don't seem to have any other requirements.Audrey did not reply, but sat smoking and thinking deeply. Although all Penny's information regarding herself and