"Perhaps" Penny thought, "If I had known what it meant to love and be loved I should not feel as I do about Jeremy"
She knew now that her love for Howard, although real and sincere, had nevertheless been immature, now at twenty seven, she had really fallen in love completely and absolutely. There had been no one since Howard partly because she hadn't taken several years to recover from the shock of his death, partly because she could never be satisfied with a light, casual flirtation. It must be love or nothing for her —always. And now Jeremy had come into her life, confirming her instinctive belief that it was worth waiting for the real thing.
A smile touched the corner of her lips as she relived their first meeting. It had been at a literary cocktail party. Jeremy's father was a well known novelists and he had taken Jeremy along with him for the experience and interest it might afford him. The publisher for whom Penny was working at the time had invited her to accompany him in order to help forward her career. It so happened that he was the man who published Mr Gilbert's books.
"I would like to introduce Mrs Penny Hampson" he said to Jeremy's father, Grayson Gilbert.
Mr Gilbert had shaken her hand, saying:
"My son will be greatly surprised. He told me he expected all the clever clever girls would be thin scraggy, brainy and wearing glasses! I had a job to convince him there were bound to be some pretty ones about. Ah! He's coming over to us"
Raising her eyes Penny saw a tall, lithe figure striding towards them, a cheerful grin of anticipation on his handsome, sunburnt face. She felt a little bubble of laughter surge up inside her, a queer sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach.
"Well, dad! So you were right!" Jeremy had said "Will you introduce us?"
"Penelope.... I didn't catch the other name" Mr Gilbert said with a smile.
"Hampson, Penelope Hampson" Penny said holding out her hand.
"I'm Jeremy"
Their eyes had met and they had laughed suddenly and unaccountably like two excited children. Tactfully, Mr Gilbert drew his publisher to one side and opened a conversation.
"Cigarette?" Jeremy asked her.
Penny took one from Jeremy's rolled silver case and watched his long thin fingers striking a match.
'Nice fingers' she had thought. 'I would like to draw his hands'
"You have finished your drink. Wait here and don't dare move until I come back"
She had waited, knowing that she hadn't the slightest intention of moving away from him.
Presently he reappeared and handed her a glass of sherry. Penny lifted her left hand to take the glass, and as she raised it to him, their eyes met again and she saw that his were no longer laughing, but clouded with disappointment.
"Is something wrong?" she had asked.
"No! I.... Did you say Mrs Hampson?"
He stressed the 'Mrs' and Penny knew immediately that he had seen Howard's thin gold wedding ring on her finger.
"Yes!" she said simply. And in order to avoid any embarrassment which might result from further questions, she added. "My husband was killed in an accident some years ago"
"I'm sorry" Jeremy had said and although she had sensed his relief at finding that she was single, she also knew that his sympathy was genuine and sincere.
There had been a moments silence then Jeremy had laughed —that sudden excited nervous laugh of his —and said :
"My father seems to be busy. Let's slip away and find somewhere to dine and dance"
And before Penny could give an assent, he had interrupted his father's conversation. Penny could not hear them, but she saw them nod their heads and smile, and then Jeremy was back, his blue gray eyes sparkling with mischief.
"All set!" he had said. "Now where shall we go?"
"Anywhere you like!" Penny replied. And she had known then that she meant it. She would go anywhere with Jeremy. On half an hour's acquaintance, she was ready to follow him to the other end of the earth if he asked her to go. It was a genuine case of love at first sight.
"I never believed there was such a thing before I met Jeremy" she told herself now. Since then her days had been filled with excitement, interest and a passionate awareness of life and the glory of living. Jeremy had done that for her.
But in spite of all her happiness, there was still one remaining problem. A month ago, Jeremy had told her he loved her. He had dropped her outside her flat after an evening out, and shutting off the engine of his car, he had enfolded her in his arms and said.
"Oh! Penny, I do love you.... So very very much"
But he had not asked her to marry him.
Tomorrow, tomorrow he will! Penny convinced herself as she stood in front of her mirror. She gazed with satisfaction at the rich glow in her cheeks, the twin stars in her dark brown eyes, and the sheen of her rich, sleek brown hair in the soft rosy light of her dressing table lamp. She was beautiful.
'It's because I am in love' she told herself happily.
But Penny could never pass unnoticed even without that sparkle which her highly emotional state had lent her. Her legs were long and slim, her body supple, feminine but firm and youthful in its strength. She carried herself beautifully and her artists hands were long and tapered. Her eyes were set wide apart in an oval face, her nose slightly tip tilted but not enough to give her an air of pertness.
There was no laughter in Penny's eyes as she as she gave up the idea of work and went into her kitchen to make a cup of tea. Only worry and an unusual pallor in her cheeks, a lassitude which suggested sleepless nights. For Jeremy had not asked her to marry him, the next day, or the next. Only the following week did he mention his feelings for her again, and then he had said :
"I can't go on like this much longer, Penny. I'm in love with you. I'm crazy about you. I want more than just your kisses. Can't I come back to your flat tonight?"
Penny had not been annoyed because she too, longed for more than just his embrace. But she had been hurt and Jeremy had known it."Look, baby" he tried to explain. "Please don't start thinking that I don't respect you anymore, or that I'm just out for some fun, or any damn fool thing like that. I'm serious about you —more serious than I have ever been in my life about any woman. I love you and I want you like hell. It's natural.. Just nature, that's all. Do you understand?"Yes, Penny had understood, but she had withdrawn from his embrace, afraid that his ardour would over rule her self made barriers. She loved Jeremy desperately, wanting him as much as he wanted her, but deep down inside her she knew her heart's desire was more than an affair. She wanted a husband and children.She tried to explain to him, leaving out any mention of marriage but Jeremy had not guessed at her feelings."A
It was a relief having said it, but she didn't have the courage to look at Jeremy's face. She listened, waiting for him to speak."Well, I agree it might be better" Jeremy said slowly. "But, honey, it just isn't possible at the moment. I can't ask you marry me now when I don't have enough money. It wouldn't be fair to you""Oh Jeremy. I don't care" she said breathlessly. "it doesn't matter to me whether we have one penny or millions. I can go on with my art. I can keep and take care of myself""No can do" Jeremy said. "I want to be able to support my wife... Not the other way around"Penny stiffened and the expression on her face became fixed. Jeremy reached across to her but she did not relax."Please, darling" he said gently. "Try and understand. I want to marry you, but it's financially impossible. That's the only reason, and I swear it. Look, Penny, if you like we can get engaged"
A little calmer, she carried the tea tray through to the sitting room. Jeremy was standing with his back to the fire, his legs splayed apart, cigarette between his lips. A faint haze of smoke permeated the atmosphere.Penny paused in the doorway, the picture striking her into immobility, it was as if she were seeing a stage set and most important of all, she knew that it was absolutely right. It was just as she had imagined it would be that afternoon when she realized her little flat needed a masculine presence and the smell of cigarette to make it complete, perfect. As suddenly as it had come, every trace of Penny's nervousness had left her. She felt curiously cool... Mistress of the situation."You look very....domesticated" Jeremy said, coming towards her and taking the tray from her hands. "Where do I put this?" he asked."Anywhere" Penny replied, happiness rising inside her in a bright frothy bubble. "On the t
Holding her gaze, he lowered his head and kissed her gently, seducing her mouth with slow, practised kisses until her whole body was shivering."Relax, sweetheart …" He murmured the words against her lips, holding himself still as her body melted around him, until she was moaning and quivering. Then he started to move, slowly at first, infinitely gentle as he taught her what her body could do.It was overwhelming. Like nothing she’d ever experienced or imagined."Jeremy—" Her voice broke and he slid his hand under her hips and drew her against him, controlling her pleasure.The excitement was fierce and hot, clawing at her as he increased the rhythm, and she met each driving thrust with wild abandon. It was wild and crazy and the climax hit like a violent storm. As it crashed down on them, Penny clung to his slick shoulders, shattered by the violence of the emotion that swamped both of them.-------
"Hello —what's the time?" he asked."Seven fifteen" Penny told him. "I have brought you a cup of tea"Jeremy sat up. Completely unselfconscious, he stretched his arms, rubbed his chest, and grinned at her like a school boy."Gosh! I feel good" he said. "Darling, put that cup of tea down and come here".Obediently, Penny placed the cup on the bedside table and sat down beside him, pulling her dressing gown across her knees"Modest little sweet, aren't you?" he said, still smiling. But before she could answer, he pulled her against him with a quick gesture and kissed her on the mouth. Then he held her at arms length and said :"Let me look at you. Yes, you are still as lovely as ever. Some women look ghastly in the morning... You both look and smell beautiful""I've just had a bath" Penny replied, but she was thinking : 'I was right.
Long after Jeremy had gone to the office, Penny remembered those words. They cast a shadow over her happiness. His attitude towards age worried her. She could never be satisfied to accept a statement without proving into it. And Jeremy's emotions were already part of her life. She was wise enough to know that a man who wants to stay young forever is usually one who avoids ties, responsibilities and the thought of settling down.Then she remembered that Jeremy had asked her to marry him, at least to become engaged, and the shadow lifted. Only the disturbing impression remained.-----------------Penny was too busy during the morning to think of anything but domestic problems. As soon as the flat was clean she joined the queues and by lunch time had completed the shopping. In spite of her early breakfast, she did not feel hungry. She was satisfied with bread and cheese and a cup of coffee.That afterno
Absurd, of course, but what would he say, if he were to return now, suddenly and unexpectedly and find her here with Jeremy? Would he understand? No, he had been too young to realize what loneliness meant and he believed in woman's essential goodness. He had never been as broadminded as Jeremy. She could not imagine a Howard grown older and wiser, for he had been so young when he died. She, herself, had changed, grown up, despite what Jeremy said sometimes about her immaturity. And that first marriage was past, deep in the past. It was almost as if it had never been.Penny was preparing the white sauce for a cauliflower when Jeremy arrived that evening. She heard his footsteps outside the door, and the silence as he stopped to feel for the key under the carpet on the top step where she had told him she would hide it since he hated taking the key out because he always misplaced it. The door opened. He called out:"Hello, darling! I've got a s
Penny could not bear to hear him use that tone of voice any longer. She knew he was being unreasonable. Probably he knew it too, but he was being stubborn, so she must be the one to give in."Darling, if you really want me to, I will call Audrey and tell her. I will say I'm ill or something" she said."Oh, don't bother" Jeremy said ungraciously. "It doesn't really matter, anyway.""It does, of course it does" Penny cried, a little of her control leaving her as she realized that this stupid discussion was developing into a quarrel. She could stand most things, but not a quarrel with Jeremy."Darling, I will call her now. Audrey will understand" she said quietly.Jeremy stood watching her as she went across the room to get her phone. As she reached for it, he said :"No. Don't. I have some work to do anyways, so maybe I will just do it then, and maybe lodge at an hotel if I get too ti