Chapter Four-Secrets

Tears already brimmed my mother’s eyes before she even sat down. A lump formed in my throat as I watched her with wary curiosity. I had never witnessed my mother cry as much as she had in the last few hours, which only frightened me more. Were the secrets she kept from me that bad? 

She stared at me with eyes that were too bright as she sat across from me at the little table in the dining area of our motorhome. She took a deep breath, clasping her hands on the table.

“Do you believe I love you?” she asked, desperation evident in her voice. She inhaled a shaky breath and held it as she waited for me to answer.

I smiled at such a ridiculous question. “I do, Momma,” I said, reaching forward and taking her hand as she released her breath. I hoped the action would comfort her, but at that moment, I realized nothing would. She was too tense, too frightened. I kept my smile in place. “Nothing you tell me will convince me you don’t.”

She raised her eyebrows and shook her head. The tears she had held back fell down her pale cheeks. “You shouldn’t promise anything yet.”

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head before I met her gaze. “Momma, what’s this about?” I asked. I narrowed my eyes as I studied her. “Is it about the man who tried to attack us last night?”

My mother nodded in one jerky motion. She closed her eyes briefly before peering at me as a shiver ran through her. “He wasn’t trying to attack us, Aurora,” she said, the tears rolling down her cheek. She removed her hand from mine to wipe them away. “He was trying to take you from me.”

I blinked, surprised. My heart pounded as it was confirmed that the girl Sophia and my mother had been talking about was me. There was no denying that fact now. Still, nothing she had said explained why he wanted to take me from her. I frowned as my previous suspicion rose in my mind. It seemed to be the only explanation that made sense. A shiver ran down my spine, but I still had to know if it was true.

“But…why would he want me?”

Her eyes closed, releasing two more tears, which rolled in jagged streaks down her cheeks. She took two deep breaths before opening her eyes, then looked at me with heartache darkening her expression. She swallowed hard before she spoke in a quivering voice that was just above a whisper.

“Because he’s your father,” she said. Anger tinged her voice as she stared into my eyes. “Because he wants you to be part of his family and not mine.”

 I suspected as much, but having her confirm it caused me to suck in a breath. She lied. She had told me my father died. I bit my lip, knowing there had to have been a reason…a terrible reason to have kept him from me. Still, shame raced through me because I wanted to know about him. For some reason, that felt like a betrayal to my mother. Still, I had to know.

“Who is he?”

She stared at me for a moment while tears fell down her cheeks. Hurt crossed her face. I was not sure whether it stemmed from me or my father. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes before opening them and peering at me with a wariness that made me want to take back the question.

“His name is Emilian Grey,” she said, flinching. Her voice had become dull and lifeless. “His family is like Sophia’s…but different.”

“Momma, what are you talking about?” I asked, frowning. I stared at her with narrowed eyes, hoping to make sense of what she was saying, but there were too many questions I needed answered before any of it made sense.

“You have heard of travelers, Irish, Romany?”

 I nodded. “Of course, Momma. Who hasn’t?”

 “Then you understand we live very much like them.” She stared down at her clasped hands on the table.

 “Yes…,” I said, confused. “Are you trying to tell me we are travelers?”

 She shrugged before glancing at me, then sighed, as if confused herself. “Well, we aren’t the well-known version.” She bit her lip as she stared into my eyes. “Honestly, I don’t know where this family comes from, but Sophia doesn’t deny it when she’s called a traveler. So, I suppose we are some type of traveler.”

  I looked at her with raised eyebrows. “We are?”

  “Well, you are,” she said, frowning. “I have been…adopted by them.”

 “So, Sophia and her family are probably travelers?” I was still confused. “But you aren’t sure?”

 She nodded. “So is Emilian,” she said, looking into my eyes. “However, he is from a different family, though I do believe they are the same type.”

 I leaned forward, even more confused about where I came from. “Momma, why haven’t you told me about him before?”

 She winced. “I-I was afraid,” she whispered. She looked down at her hands, wringing them.

  I stared at her for a moment, waiting for her to continue, but she didn’t. I tilted my head, then sighed.  

  “Afraid of what?” I prompted.

   She took a deep breath. “I’m afraid of what you’ll think of yourself,” she croaked before breaking into a sob.

 I swallowed over the lump in my throat. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. “Why would I think badly of myself?”

 My mother stood and began to pace. Her breath came out as a jerky, stuttering sob. A few moments passed before her sobs ceased and she sat down at the table again. I frowned when I saw her pale skin had turned a sickly gray. She lowered her head and began to speak.

 “I met your father while I studied at the library one night,” my mother said, raising her head and looking away, as if too afraid to look me in the eye. She blinked as her voice thickened. “He seemed charming. When the library closed, he offered to walk me home. I thought he wanted to protect me, thought he was safe, but I was wrong. If I had needed protection from anything, it was him,” she blinked again, a tear falling down her cheek. “H-He raped me.”

 My mouth fell open as my worst fear ran through my mind. “Was I conceived then?”

 My mother nodded and looked at me, raising her hands toward me, as if that could stop the horrible thoughts from entering my mind. “You were, but I’ve always loved you.” She lowered her hands. “When I decided to keep you, my parents kicked me out. I’ve never regretted my decision.”

 I frowned as I struggled to keep my stomach from churning. I could taste bile in the back of my throat as tears started to flow. Whatever reasons I had come up with for my mother to keep me from my father, this was worse. I was the daughter of a rapist…a rapist who wanted to kidnap me from my mother. Suddenly, a thought whispered through my mind. A thought that didn’t make sense.

  “How did he find out about me?” I asked, my lips trembling.

 She nodded, as if she expected the question. She took a deep breath and forced herself to look me in the eye. “After you were born, some people from his family came to stay here. You have always had his eyes and his hair. His aunt and her husband came to see us. They heard I was raped by a member of the Grey family and noticed how much you looked like him. They went back and told him of you. He came here afterward and demanded to see you, but I refused.” My mother trembled. “He left, but soon came back. He almost took you as I slept that night. You were only one, but were able to say ‘Momma’, which woke me. I screamed for Sophia. Her husband, Gavriel, stopped him. Emilian told him he would never give up. He would come for you. As a matter of fact, your father had already chosen you a husband.”

 “Arranged marriage?” I asked, frightened.

  “It is a tradition here, too,” she said, looking into my eyes.

  My eyes widened. “Who am I supposed to marry?”

  She sighed, staring at me with pleading, tortured eyes. “Andre.” My heart dropped as panic seized me. His animosity toward me suddenly became clear.

“Momma, he hates me!” I screamed as I grasped both sides of my head in frustration. “And I didn’t meet him until today! I cannot believe you did this to me!”

 “Your father would do worse, and Andre will protect you,” she said, crying.

  My heart stopped as I shook my head, trying to banish the words from my mind before stopping to stare at her. “I’m not going to do it.”  I raised my chin in defiance.

 “You have to, Aurora,” she said.  Her voice quivered. “If you don’t, we lose everything.”

   I looked at my mother as if she were insane.  My eyes widened. “What?”

 “How do you think I have this motorhome, or the clothes, or the food? I’ve never worked. How do you think we’ve lived? Gavriel and Sophia pay for it because you will be their daughter-in-law. If you don’t do it, we will be outcasts.  We’ll lose everything.”

  I stifled a sob. “You sold me?”

  “It’s not like that,” she said, pleading. She stood, towering over me. “I did it to protect you. Who do you think your father would choose for you? He’s a rapist. His choice would have been worse. With your marriage to Andre, he’ll have no claim.”

 Sobs racked my body as I thought. There was no way out. If I didn’t marry Andre, we would lose everything and my father would keep coming for me. If I did, I married a man who hated me. I was trapped. I knew my mother had felt just as trapped when she decided on my marriage, but that didn’t matter. I was still angry with her because, in all my eighteen years, she hadn't figured out a better way. She didn't even try.

It was a few moments before my sobbing subsided. Slowly, I raised my head to meet my mother’s eyes. A shaky sigh rumbled through me as I rose to go to my room. At the door, I turned back to my mother.

“I know why you did this, Momma,” I said in a whisper. “I don’t like it, but I do understand.”

 “So, you’re going to marry him?” she asked, the hope plain in her voice.

  I stared at her in shock. “I don’t see as if I have a choice,” I said, angry again.

 My mother nodded. “I hope you see where I didn’t, either.”

 “I see where you don’t think you did, and I’ll eventually forgive you for that. But for now, I want to be alone so I can say goodbye to my dreams of having a husband who will love me. You’ve taken that away from me.”

My mother nodded. Her sobs sounded through the motorhome long after I lay down. I stared up at my ceiling…angry at her...angry at Sophia...angry at Emilian. I was an eighteen-year-old girl who had never even been kissed, but I was expected to marry a complete stranger who hated me? How could my life get any worse?